White Cargo

Albert Toddey (David Jason) is a homely lonely guy. He goes to a strip club and rescues Stella from a thug. Or did he? She takes him home and tells him that girls have been disappearing. Two men comes and snatches away the girl while Albert is in the other room. He finds a note with Arabic writing. He continues to search for the missing stripper while his daydreams keep getting into the way. There are two bumbling immigration agents investigating Albert and the disappearances. The girls are being sold into white slavery to the middle east.

This is frighteningly bad. It's suppose to be a comedy to somebody but I couldn't tell you who that audience would be. I guess this was the state of British comedy at the time. Imogen Hassall is the only compelling personality in this. David Jason is playing too dumb and too pathetic. None of it struck me as being funny. I was interested in seeing the girls get rescued which kept me watching until the end. But I wasn't happy about it. It's a short movie and I couldn't wait for it to end after an hour. The last section is one bad slapstick after another. I made it to the end and I'm giving that a 2.

This is NOT the worst film I've ever seen, and I've been watching actual and TV films for over 60 years now. But it's on the short list, along with the few vampire/horror movies I've ever strayed onto, a couple of other dire 'sex' comedies of the 70s (generally as erotic as cold porridge), and the last couple of Carry On movies, made well after the 'regulars' had mostly retired or died.

The other reviews describe the essence of the 'plot', though I'd take that word loosely for this film. One did helpfully say that the script had been intended for the Goodies - who created classic TV comedy back in the day -- but they wisely decided to be doing something else that week!

The one review that was well wide of the mark was that of Egham1, who pointed out that Imogen Hassall might have enjoyed the proceeds, apparently unaware that she'd met a tragic end just a few years after this film was released (escaped?). A cruel voice might wonder if she'd finally atched it, and decided to do herself in to avoid further major embarrassment?

As one or two reviews said, this film may be lousy, but it does at least feature one star of two of the UK's great sitcoms (Jason, Only Fools, & Open All Hours) and Dave Prowse, soon to become the body of Darth Vader (they decided his Bristol pirate accent didn't have the gravitas for frightening people?!). A most unlikely pairing!

Forget the plot, this film has one purpose only now and that is as a record of just how lovely Imogen Hassell was. The film itself is not an exception in being tedious or embarrassing, in-fact its part of the norm of early 1970s British Comedy Films. The common factor in all these films is, it appears that the director is out to lunch or maybe even gone home all together? The result is you have various egos struggling to steal the scenes with puerile skits and maybe even adding their two pence worth to the script? That is not say it is not watchable, it is at a certain time of day and is still a reminder of perhaps more innocent times?, and therefore something you can sit and watch with all the family,while your having an argument about something else.

WHITE CARGO is, if you will, a scuzzy, British comedy version of THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY, with a then-unknown David Jason taking on the role of the cowardly guy who dreams himself to be a superhero. Before long, what do you know, he's found himself involved in a plot involving spies and a criminal gang, and he has to beat the odds to get the ladies and win the day.

Made during the scuzzy early 1970s and scripted by the almost-legendary David McGillivray (FRIGHTMARE), this is an oddly tame entry into the British sex comedy genre that turns out to have no sex and very little nudity in it. Don't get me wrong, there are some lovely ladies present here - including the tragic Imogen Hassall, in a central role - but not much is actually done with them, apart from using them as window dressing.

The quality of WHITE CARGO is pretty low, but the presence of Jason lifts it from obscurity and he can be relied on to give a good performance at the very least. There's also a nice role for Dave Prowse (HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN), who starts out as a strip club bouncer but gets a more substantial role later on. Inevitably, WHITE CARGO is dated and largely unfunny, but as a snapshot of its era it works a treat.

Imogen Hassall died in 1980. The film is a typical account of early 70's British 'comedy' in the same genre or style as Rentadick (Richard Beckinsale) and Tiffany Jones (Ray Brooks). I enjoy these films foremost because of the era they were made in, i.e. not the plot/acting abilities or other normal qualities sought after in a film.The surrounding scenery and buildings/cars act as a filmed portrait of 'how Britain looked then'-quite a lot more uncluttered and somewhat simpler way of life. I also enjoy seeing well known household names in the beginnings of their careers.To me these odd movies are equally as watchable, if not more so than the popular hit movies/t.v series which will be repeated for ever more. Another odd film like these is The Strange Case of the End of Civilisation as we know it (John Cleese/Arthur Lowe). What these offbeat films do is show the viewer a somewhat different side to an actor that you may think you already know well, from their well-known creations.