Beneath Loch Ness

Obviously even the likes of Patrick Bergen and Lysette Anthony have mortgages and bills to pay. It's sad to see even slightly recognisable personnel in such an abysmal production. I can only assume that they fired the person responsible for continuity, as there are more holes in this picture than a dartboard.

Its set in a Scotland where:-

People speak in American, Irish, English, and probably Punjabi accents- but not Scottish.

The loch Ness monster looks like something from a game on the commodore 64

People drive American 4x4 vehicles on the wrong side of the road

The police wear American uniforms

You can use American dollars in the local shops and pubs

etc., etc. - the list goes on.

Indeed, this is a pathetic and insulting offering, with "Scotsmen" stereotyped that I am surprised the casting department didn't hire Russ Abbott to do his mad Scotsman impersonation.

I was so excited to see this video at Blockbuster. Having visited Loch Ness and loving monster stories, I was looking forward to seeing scenes of Scotland (blink and you miss them), hearing Scottish accents (terrible), and enjoying a campy monster movie (strike three - you're out). I found the portrayal of the local Scots to be totally insulting. The movie wasn't campy, just bad. Obviously a play-by-play rip off of JAWS.

I would be willing to watch it again if I were with the same friends who studied in Scotland with me and we were rip-roaring drunk. That way we could make fun of it together.

I had my doubts about this but as my young son is a 'monster' buff I decided to rent it.

Where to begin? With the plot elements lifted from other, better sources: Jaws, Jurassic Park, even a bit of Moby Dick found its way in there. Maybe with the rent-a-cliche characters: maverick scientist; career-driven ex-wife of maverick scientist (called 'Lizzie Borden'? - puh-lease!); obnoxious local official who refuses to take dire warnings seriously (Constable Connaghy - did they audition this guy before they got him to play a Highlander?). Not to mention the endlessly repeated graphic of the 'monster' swimming towards us.

Factual errors and misconceptions are too tiresome to list.

At the risk of spoiling anyone's enjoyment of this cinematic feast: the sight of Patrick Bergin rigged out in kilt and Braveheart-style war-paint, going out to battle the monster armed with a harpoon is one that will linger long in my memory (unfortunately).

I should add that my son enjoyed it so that may be an indication of its appeal.

This film was a very poor effort.

The storyline followed that of "Jaws" quite closely, The experts who no one would believe, the constable who was more concerned with the tourist trade, remember the Mayor in Jaws, wouldn't close the loch.

A really big bad sea creature, Patrick Bergin as a dedicated lunatic trying to kill it, Remember Quint from Jaws.

The storyline was thin, had nothing original, and was more ridiculous than thrilling.

The dialogue coaches, however, are a totally different matter. They should be taken as far away from Hollywood as possible, and never let near the place again. The accents were shockingly bad, perhaps the worst I have heard in a film, James Doohan as Scotty, in Star Trek was a John Geilgud performance compared to this. The accents made the film funny and silly were is should not have been.

In truth, the accents were more Northern Irish than Scottish, try to think of Liam Neeson talking with a clothes peg on his nose and you'll get the idea.

It is apparant, that this was a really low budget, badly thought out, badly prepared attempt at film making, I would suggest that a few of the correspondants in this forum could get together for a week or so, have a few beers and come up with something a lot better.

In all, a bit of a waste of videotape really.

As a Scot, when I saw this film, I was left numbed at how shocking it was and I don't mean that in a good way. This 'film' (and I use that term in the loosest sense of the word) is not only an insult to Scotland but it is embarrassing for the Hollywood producers and actors involved in this project.

Aside from the fact the storyline dire and the acting utterly bland, the special effects look as if they were put together by three-year-olds on their nursery school computer . However, the most pathetic point about this film was the fact it clearly was not set anywhere remotely near the UK, let alone Loch Ness. It was bad enough that the cast were mainly Americans (or Americans with bad accents) but the cars drove on the wrong side of the road, the police wore American uniforms and little effort was made to even pretend the American location of this film was supposedly Scotland. Then you had the stereotypical Scots who graced the background every so often; I honestly was waiting for them to shout 'och, aye the noo' then do the Highland fling in their kilt with the haggis dancing by their sides.

Take a leaf out of Nessie's book when it comes to 'Beneath Loch Ness' and hide far, far away from it (although Scots may want to see it with the view that it is pure comedy in a 'so bad it's good' way).