Totem

I knew I was in trouble, when the production company for this movie showed absolutely zero production value trailers, as "coming soon" attractions. Of course, it can be said that TOTEM is a thinking person's movie. It left me thinking "why did I spend good money renting this?" I also thought: "IMDb will need to add zero to their ratings scale, if more movies like this are made." The paper thin plot involves 6 teens (inexplicably) drawn to this cabin in the middle of nowhere. They can't escape because of some invisible shield, as the viewer is informed through a very talky script. In fact, that's what most of this movie is, talk, talk and more talk. The fleeting scenes where any action occurs, seems almost coincidental. The special effects look like something performed in a grammar school production. Good grief, these kids are dull. They're NOT even nubile, which seems to be a prerequisite for teen/horror flicks! Kind viewer beware of the "TOTEM"-Of course, I mean the movie- not the object of it. You have been warned.

Charles Band, of course.

I found this cheesy direct to video effort under the "Totem Asesino" (translated to English is "Killer Totme"). As the title suggested, I expected a B-cheesy flick with some involuntary humor and unintentionally funny situations.

Well, I got exactly what I expected. The plot is non sense and deals with six teens (only one attractive blonde girl), who find themselves trapped in a cabin a la "Evil Dead" just to be killed (?) by an evil force commanded by a Totem.

Well, the Totem eventually makes an appearance as a cheesy horrible monster but that's another story.

This movie provides the usual Full Moon cheese plus some minimal but decent gore and horrible acting so, if you are into Full Moon you could enjoy it.

If you are not in the mood for typical Full Moon entertainment you will likely hate this movie. I'm like to suffer and that's why I rented this one a few years ago. I guess I should rent in other places other than Blockbuster...

This 64 minute nigthmare movie is just plain boring, dumb and utterly horrible. David Decoteau (under and alias: for good reason), "directs" this mess of a movie. Poor Acting, bad directing, terrible editing, pathetic looking puppets: COME ON, WE CAN SEE THE STRINGS!!! Stay far away from this garbage. This movie will possibly make you dumber for watching it.

In TOTEM, a group of strangers -3 women, 3 men- find themselves in a remote cabin, not knowing how they got there. The area around the cabin is surrounded by a force field, keeping them penned inside. Soon, the relic of the title is discovered.

Since this is a story by Charles Band, the tiny creatures on the totem spring to life, causing mayhem. The rest is sort of a dunderheaded version of THE EVIL DEAD. It's also excruciatingly dull, as insufferable characters utter nonsensical dialogue while waiting for their doom.

Hardcore lovers of Band's PUPPET MASTER series might enjoy this, while others will throw heavy objects at their viewing screens! This movie is a rubber mallet to the forehead...

I enjoy Full Moon Features movies. It really does not take much for me to like them enough to give them a four or above. Bloody and/or creative kills, campy yet funny dialog, fun villains, passable pacing, it's all you need. Normally if there is a flaw it's part of the pacing. But here, this movie fails to live up to ANY of these parameters for me. Let's start at the beginning. The premise alone is a whole other level of stupid. Some kids end up in a cabin... just because? There's literally no explanation. They were drawn to the cabin randomly and now can't leave. Ok cool story bro. Moving forward, this movie barely features any bloodshed, scares, or anything of this sort. It will disappoint horror fans. This brings me to my next point, character interplay and the script. Due to the lack of actual horror, it seems like character driven interplay was meant to be the main driving force behind the film. I really enjoy that kind of stuff, but they fail this in the execution, leading to a boring film. The editing is also garbage, making continuity hard to follow. The only positive I can speak to is the directing. There are some unique shots with decent stylistic lighting and framing. It has that turn of the century style and looks modern for the time. Episodes of Goosebumps, Are You Afraid of the Dark, and The Nightmare Room that were airing at this time are better than this junk.