Beach Fever

The most convoluted, peculiar beach movie ever made, Kato Kaelin's first movie, and one of the first films dubbed by Mystery Science Theater 3000: all these should give you some idea of how wonderfully bad this movie is. The premise involves Kato, a beach bum who has run (unknowingly) afoul of the pimp Big Daddy, meeting both the girl of his dreams, her nerdy brother, and a Japanese immigrant Saki trying to learn how to hit on women and dodge a guitar-playing beach bully. Nerdy brother invents a love potion that turns women into seductive fawning love-slaves, and Kato and Saki plan to get rich by selling it on the beach, exhibiting its properties first-hand. Unfortunately, Big Daddy gets this love potion and with beach bully's help kidnaps its creator, using its pheromones to lure all the women on the beach to him to become prostitutes for him, including Kato's love interest. Add into the fact that the movie includes sound effects, nudity in the opening credits, and a bikini-clad trio of girls providing a singing narrative, and you will agree that this movie must be watched just as an experiment to see how atrocious a film can be without spontaneously combusting.

BEACH FEVER will make you feel like you have a high fever - you may want to get plenty of bed rest after watching. It is so of its time - the 80's pop music with the steady drum machine beat is played throughout this cheesefest - the acting is atrocious - Kato pretty much just mugs for the camera and makes sure his hair looks good - the Asian actor playing Sake is so clichéd you almost cant believe it - only Mickey Rooney as the Asian landlord in Breakfast At Tiffanys is more offensive. They have pretty much Asian gongs and clichéd Asian music play every time he appears on screen in the beginning - he speaks like a fortune cookie writer and leers and slobbers over hot chicks on the beach like a pervert. The plot of a Rick Moranis type science nerd inventing the perfect love potion and getting Kato and Sake to sell it at the beach is paper thin and well, if you like laughing at bad movies - check this out.

This is one of those movies you see by accident then seek out to see it again. Let me preface by saying I LOVE to HATE bad movies. That being said let us proceed. This is Kato Kaelins finest film venture I've ever seen(and the only one). It starts off showing breasts within the first 2 minutes(always the hallmark of a great piece of cinema)and the jumps to a scene that looks cut from a cheesy soft core porn with Chat Frederick IV (Kato) mistakenly receiving some unrequested love. Enter Fat Daddy(Aaron Biston)a terribly, cheesily(is that a word?)portrayed gangster who wants payment for said love. I wondered how they cast Fat Daddy only to have the mystery solved in the credits-Aaron Biston is also the producer!! Tack on a beach romance/love potion/hypnotised hooker/Kato must save the day plot. Add a nerd/mad scientist, a musclehead/bully, a girlfriend/psychopath, and you start to get a sense of this film. Is it bad? Yes! Did I love it enough to seek it out and purchase it? Yes! If you like bad films this is at least worth a rental

When his wealthy father offers him $100,000 to come up with a fool-proof method for attracting young women, a Japanese man by the name of "Sake" (Rodney Ueno) hits the beaches of California to try his luck. Although he fails miserably in his task, he happens to meet a beach bum named "Chat Frederick IV" (Kato Kaelin) who agrees to help him out. Not long after that they meet a young scientist by the name of "Ernie" (Jeffrey Asch) who has invented a "magic potion" which makes men irresistible to women and they begin to think that their worries all over. Unfortunately, a local pimp named "Fat Daddy" (Aaron Biston) finds out about this new development and becomes determined to get his hands on it at all costs. Now rather than reveal any more I will just say that this is was an awful film that suffered from a terrible script and extremely bad acting. Admittedly, I thought that Judea Brittain (as "Sandy") and Lisa Carroway ("Lisa") were easy on the eyes and I liked the scenes where three young women would come out of nowhere and begin singing. But even so neither of these features could salvage what is quite possibly the worst "beach movie" of all time and for that reason I have rated this film accordingly.

Okay, disclaimer time. I was an extra in this turkey. I can be seen in the opening scene wearing the hot pink shorts and top. This is not only one of the worst movies ever escaping the cutting room floor, it was an awful experience for those of us unfortunate enough to be involved in the shoot.

The editing was awful. Entire important scenes never made it to the final cut because the crew walked out at one point! The story jerks around gaping holes in the story because the footage shot was so horrible and was never re shot.

The budget was less than minimal.

But hey, I got a photo of Kato Kaelin picking his nose.