Le Mystère de l'île des monstres

Whew. Glacially paced, barely directed, amateurish and dopey pseudo-adventure-comedy about shipwrecked travellers dodging evil treasure-hunters on an island packed with rubber dinosaurs, walking seaweed men, and *gasp* giant, whistling, steam-blowing caterpillars. (Yes, really). --Stalwart young hero, comic-relief panicky professor, cute chimpanzee, and embarrassingly-close-to-racist native companion bumble around the island (acquiring along the way a female castaway who's apparently located the volcanic island's only beauty salon) one step ahead of the gold-seekers. Supposedly cute twist ending only makes the whole thing even more preposterous. A long, long way from Jules Verne's original (I believe it's the same story which Harryhausen made FAR better as "Mysterious Island") - too bad Verne can't sue for defamation of plot...

Adventure tale full of colorful scenarios , thrills , humor and pretty fierce monsters . Amusing , lighthearted romp though average , only for kids and teenagers , based upon the Jules Verne novel . It's a mediocre fun with naive special effects , passable set decoration and functional art direction without use of computer generator . It deals with a young European (Ian Sera) residing in San Francisco is reluctant to marry his long-term bride (Ana Obregon) because he wishes to travel around the world first . His wealthy uncle (Peter Cushing) agrees to send him on a global expedition aboard his vessel . He along with a professor (David Hatton) undergo a hazardous voyage but en route the young man and his traveling companion are shipwrecked on a far island loaded with rare creatures and gold . Along the way they face numerous dangers , risks as the duo descend into deep caverns and discover a tunnel system populated by countless prehistoric creatures as well as gold-hunting natives , torrential floods , volcanic eruptions and many other things . It results to be a silly but likable Spanish adaptation based on Jules Verne classic novel .

This below average humdrum adaptation is a special version of the Jules Verne adventure yarn titled ¨L'Ile Mysterieuse" or "The Mysterious Island" it was written in 1874, though the source of this picture is actually "L'École des Robinsons" or "The Robinson School" published in 1882 . There're rip-roaring action , spirit of adventure , derring-do , humor , thrills and results to be briefly entertaining . Two greatest stars of this production , Peter Cushing and Terence Stamp , are really wasted . There appears usual secondary actors seen in co-productions of the 60s and 70s , Spaghetti and Terror genre , as Frank Braña , Luis Barboo , Gerard Tichy and the horror idol , the great Paul Naschy or Jacinto Molina . It's a slight fun with average special effects by Emilio Ruiz Del Rio , passable set decoration , functional art direction and none use of computer generator . The rubber monsters are the real stars of this production , however being middling made , it has numerous "older technique" special effects such as matte paintings, rubber-suited monsters, uses the standard film technique of reverse-footage to create certain effects . The fable is silly and laughable , and the effects and action are regularly made . Among the most spectacular of its visuals there are some deeply shrouded caverns , several monsters roaring menacingly towards the camera and the colorful backgrounds of the lost island . Some monsters are clumsily but the movie has some good moments here and there . Some illogical parts in the argument are more than compensated for the excitement provided by the monsters, though sometimes are a little bit cheesy . Highlights of the voyage includes a roller-coaster trip , a terrifying odyssey in sailing , prehistoric beasts and many others. The motion picture is middling realized by Juan Piquer Simon . Piquer who recently passed away was a good craftsman , he owns his own studio and created and/or designed many of the simple special effects sequences you see in any of his many imaginative undertakings . Juan was expert on all kind of genres as Terror ( Slugs, Piezes , Cthulhu ) and Sci-fi (The rift , The new Extraterrestres, Supersonic man) . While his films have been universally panned by the prestigious reviewers, they have a kind of quality that must be endured to be fully appreciated .

Yet another fascinating motion picture extravaganza from prolific Spanish director Juan Piquer Simon. In this one, Mr. Simon actually got some name actors to appear, namely Peter Cushing and Terrance Stamp, who most will remember as old guys in various Star Wars movies. Luckily, they only appear in a couple of scenes, leaving the leading man duties to Ian Sera, who was memorable as the "It Stinks!" guy in "Pod People" and the guy who gets his crotch crushed in "Pieces". Frank Brana, another venerable Simon regular, has a brief appearance as well (too brief- he doesn't get any ridiculous dialog like he did in "Slugs").

Anyway, Sera has been stranded on a deserted island with a really annoying sidekick who constantly screams and falls over and wets himself in the most disgraceful performance since Jerry Lewis repelled movie goers in the sixties. Sera and his grating companion face every deserted island cliché ever as they build a fort, forage for supplies, befriend a precocious chimp, and team up with an offensive black native stereotype who has to constantly save our "heroes" from their own stupidity. We get to see them in seemingly endless musical montages which are mostly taken up by the constant mugging of the painfully unfunny sidekick, as he manages to drop every possible object on the island on his toe.

But remember, they were unfortunate enough to land on Monster Island, and this flick certainly doesn't skimp on said monsters. First their boat is attacked by green fish monsters whose eyes seem to be painted on. Then it's a giant dinosaur who can't close his mouth, some lumbering seaweed men with no discernable powers to attack with, and some cute, steam blowing caterpillars. It should be noted that our hero repeatedly discovers that bullets can't stop the monsters, but doesn't stop unloading clip after clip at them, wasting his limited ammunition supply.

Despite the aggravating comic relief guy and a couple of racist caricatures, this would be a pretty good movie for kids- the monkey is great, and the effects are competent enough, and things move along fast enough to hold a youngster's interest. Unfortunately, there is a completely ridiculous plot twist towards the end that sends this flick into the simply idiotic file. I won't spoil it here, but needless to say, "The Game" this ain't.

This is the movie of my childhood. Everything was so colorful with beautiful landscapes of desert island, predictable, scary creatures, monsters, guys behind the masks and the bad guy in the middle, pulling all the strings. Of course, there is a beautiful girl in the very end, who comes as the reward for heroic action of the main character. I just love happy endings, where happy couple proves that love between man and a woman is the only thing which matters on this world.

"It's the worst movie ever" is an oft-used phrase. "It's a real turkey" has just about lost its punch. How about this for a plug line: "MONSTER ISLAND isn't a movie; it's punishment for a lifetime of horrible deeds."

I taped it for my 6-year-old son and we just got through watching the thing; I had to have a bath afterwards in case any stray remnants of this cheesy, inept, incompetently-directed, over-the-top spectacularly bad acting, ill-conceived design, Jules-Verne-insulting, direct-attack-on-filmmaking pile managed to shoot through the pixels and land on me. The looping was apparently done by performers for whom 'human' is a second language. Truly excellent actors Peter Cushing and Terence Stamp were fortunate because while top-billed, they barely had any screen time at all. I'm still floored by having to witness one of the most baroquely florid and horrendously just plain bad performances in the history of cinema: that of the estimable David Hatton as Professor Artelect. It all makes sense in a way: he must have been the title Monster; his victim the acting profession.

In summation, this is a reprehensibly dreadful z-budget debacle. Suffice it to say my young son found it unbelievably bad and he's about as easy an audience as they come. Don't just avoid this one: work hard to help find a cure for it.