Panique

This has to rank as one of the poorest Italian genre pictures that I have sat through. It's about a virus that turns a scientist into a rotting homicidal maniac, leading to government plans to bomb the town where he is at large. Really, this is a disappointment, seeing as even Z-Grade Italian products usually succeed in at least being entertaining. Sadly Panic is not one of those films. It's pacing is awful, as it drags on and on with little development or plot structure. And to add insult to injury, there's really no tension or scares either. Another bugbear for me is the fact that this one is set in the UK, despite being an Italian production. Many Italian genre films do this but it's rarely convincing and was clearly done in an attempt to appeal to the Anglo-American market. But, frankly, sun-kissed Italian locations are just more preferable to me, so this factor just makes things even more dreary.

Logic isn't a defining feature of Italian movies in general and this one is no exception. Quite why the government come to the decision to obliterate the town off the face of the planet because of the presence of a lone toxic madman is really never fully explained. Neither are the events at the beginning of the movie where the virus breaks out detailed clearly at all. A swat team is called in and we briefly see a scientist with his hands over his face covered in green goo. And that's it. It's rubbish and incomprehensible. Admittedly it seemed obvious that the version I saw was cut of violence and nudity, which hardly helped, but really that would only account for a small amount of missing material. Ultimately, the film is wrapped up in a seriously underwhelming manner too.

Panic does not come recommended. It's just so shoddily put together and it's unlikely to impress too many people. The only point of interest in it is that the lead character is called Captain Kirk without even a hint of irony.

Eminent professor (Ricci) is transformed into a mutated monster following a scientific accident at a chemical laboratory where germ warfare agents are being covertly developed. When politicians learn of the breach, they enact "plan Q" to annihilate the town where the hideous man-beast is now stalking mostly buxom women to feed his insatiable appetite for blood. Special investigator (Warbeck) teams up with local Sergeant (Lifante) and the Professor's laboratory assistant (Agren) in a vain attempt to capture the beast, administer an antidote then convince the powers-that-be that the threat of contamination has been averted thus saving the town from imminent destruction. All in a night's work.

Sort of a "Quartermass", "Incredible Melting Man" hybrid of Italo-Spanish origin, there's little suspense or intelligence about this gore fest. Ricci's make-up is certainly hideous (as described by others, similar to a pizza with the lot), and his limb-ripping rampage of mostly nude or near nude young women will both thrill and repulse various sectors of the audience. The scene in which he interrupts the canoodling couple has some tension, but it's ultimately inexplicable and so random as to be absurd. Kiwi David Warbeck plies his trade with admirable conviction, but it's wasted effort, while Swedish bombshell Agren's character looks to have been edited down to a mere supporting role.

Buckets of blood, fiery explosions and complex conspiracies involving an array of characters whose purpose I couldn't determine, this B-grade horror has its moments, but loses momentum and drags its heels for the last thirty minutes to a disappointing conclusion.

A professor has been exposed to some nasty virus, and the result is a slimy, toxic, rambling cannibal monster who lives in the sewers.David Warbeck is luring around as he usually does in low-budget Italian shockers. Oh, the military has put a quarantine on the small English town where the whole thing is happening, with plans about total destruction in fear of contamination. In one scene David Warbeck ask some character "have you seen any worse actors?". -And I can only give him a honest "No!" A very slow going film with few values.

I'm just going to get this out of the way first. Yes, the main hero in this movie's name is Kirk, and he's a captain in the army. So yes. they refer to him throughout the picture as "Captain Kirk". Now, to me, that's HILARIOUS. i had to rewind the movie just to make sure i wasn't hearing things. And there was even an officer named "O'Brien" later on in the movie. I'm shocked that the monster's name wasn't "Riker". But enough of the good stuff, let's dive into "Panic".

This movie is another on our awesome 50 chilling classics collection at number 26. Now i took a two week break at the halfway mark, and coming back, i'm not so sure WHY i came back. OK, if you looked at the top, i gave this movie a 2. So what's the big problem with this movie you may ask? One word. PACING. This movie's pacing is TERRIBLE. this 90 minute movie has a plot that could either have been resolved in 15 minutes but it also had the plot to stage an entire 90 minute movie if they did it correctly. Sadly, here, they did not. It's really sad when i understand more of the movie from reading the one paragraph DVD sleeve in my Box set, but that seems to be happening more and more with these movies. And this movie is no exception. on the DVD sleeve it says "A British research scientist is working with various forms of bacteria when he is accidentally exposed to a deadly variety due to a lab accident." OK. there are 3 problems with that sentence. 1. This movie is Italian, not British. But all the actors are dubbed British so they put in stock pictures of England. Why? I'm not sure. 2. No, i did not accidentally type "Variety" instead of "Virus" That is what actually was printed on my DVD sleeve. and 3. IT NEVER SHOWS YOU THAT IN THE MOVIE. in the film it starts out with some rats fighting in a lab, a guy grabs his face and that's it. i had NO idea what happened. and honestly, i STILL have no idea what happened.

Like i said though. This movie is S-L-O-W. it takes forever to make any point and while the movie has a relatively high body count, all kills are offscreen and in the dark. and they quickly cut away from any sort of interesting nudity. pff. this considers itself a monster mash film? There's at least 3 times in the movie where they could have stopped this monster dude but then...they didn't for some reason? and that just gives them an excuse to have lengthy scenes of them talking. um. yay? I really had to pull out the DS during this movie. it was more than i could do to pay HALF attention to it let alone ALL my attention. But i gave it a good go. i gave it 45 minutes of my undivided attention and there was so little going on i realized that i could do at least 2 more things at once and still know exactly what was going on. and you know what? i was right.

The ending is extremely abrupt with no time for an epilogue and the final scene just makes NO sense. i'm not going to give the ending away but i will say 5 words. "Fire extinguisher? What the crap?" With pacing that could bore Ben Stein, characters that are less enjoyable then a Disney channel sitcom line-up, and an ending more predictable than the ending to "The Village", Panic gets 2 melty faces, out of 10

Panic is a lame monster on the loose tale that suffers from a number of flaws, ranging from obvious production goofs to a terribly paced ending. Its basic premise is that a failed scientific experiment turns a scientist into a blood drinking monster while simultaneously unleashing a deadly virus (although how the virus factors in is something of a mystery, as we see no signs of an epidemic.)

The most comic aspects of the film are how its claim to be set in England clashes with the Spanish / Italian production. For instance, the police and military featured in the film wear Italian style uniforms. Furthermore, large sections of the dialogue are clearly dubbed in. These comic elements are the most enjoyable parts of the film.

Unfortunately, the film's drawbacks more than match its comic value. The monster itself is poorly done, with bad make up and obvious gloves standing in for its hands. The pacing toward the climax is lethargic, so that I had to fast forward out of boredom. Furthermore, you'll be able to guess what happens several minutes in advance.