The Million Eyes of Sumuru

This flick was always on a "double-bill" because nobody in it (including one of the leads, Frankie Avalon - who starred in Beach Movies before this) was REALLY A-list quality talent, except for the beautiful Ms. Shirley Eaton (Painted-gold girl in GOLDFINGER). The plot is wack-city on a bad dexedrine trip with ancient greed or something. The sacriligious testament to Z-movie cultures exemplifies NOTHING! This flick isn't even EVIL or robotic, it's just a zenith of confusion ("plot"-wise), let alone there's some beautiful babes spouting Amazon-like platitudes about illusions of purity.

Needless to say, this sounds like a turkey (and technically it is), but it's an exploitation film without any known characteristic (sex, violence, bikers, horror..etc.) and manages to make you believe that these characters are actually believing what they're saying. George Nader was never great shakes as an actor, but had a lengthy career without having "known" talent or good hair. Shirley Eaton, one of the brightest, most beautiful and enchanting Brits of the 50's and 60's never gets to show something. But you have to check this one out. I give it a high (7) for this kind of thing rating, ..only because everyone involved SEEMS convinced it's a REAL PLOT! Anyway, give it a shot (if you can find it). Quite enjoyable in a sleepy, demented way.

In many ways, this is similar to (though actually preceding) FIVE GOLDEN DRAGONS, also a 1967 film from the Harry Alan Towers exploitation stable and, despite being helmed by the director of DEVIL DOLL (1964), the end result is a long way away from that eerie cult classic. It is the first of two Towers made based on the Sax Rohmer novels revolving around the power-mad and man-hating Sumuru – concurrently to them, Towers was engaged in a series featuring Rohmer's more famous nefarious creation i.e. Fu Manchu. I said similar, not just in the locales and typical spy-stuff plot but mainly the would-be comical approach, not forgetting the ageing wise-cracking lead (in this case, George Nader, whom I recently watched in his prime in SINS OF JEZEBEL {1953}). Incidentally, one wonders why they even went to the trouble of recruiting him when his young sidekick (singing heart-throb Frankie Avalon) receives top billing...ousting even the rightful protagonist, Sumuru herself (played by ex-Bond girl Shirley Eaton)!

Contrary to the afore-mentioned DRAGONS, the copy I acquired left a lot to be desired: panned-and-scanned (apart from the proliferation of seemingly 'vacant' sets, with the characters at either end of the Widescreen frame being entirely cropped off, we are also supposed to observe a tortured prisoner, but all that is left of the victim for us to glimpse are his trapped hands!), soft-looking and washed-out! Maria Rohm (her name here preceded by the epithet "introducing" despite its being her fifth film!) is also on hand as the latest member of Sumuru's subordinates (who is undressed before the others for approval!). Oddly, but entirely predictably, she is given a difficult first job which, not only does she bungle, but ends up becoming a Frankie fan (pardon the ROCKY HORROR allusion): their relationship does elicit one good line, though, when he has to wait while Rohm undresses (again!) and he wonders out loud whether that was his cue to burst into song! One unbelievable plot contrivance concerns a couple of doubles that come into play: not only is Nader engaged to serve eccentric President Klaus Kinski (both he and Rohm would also appear in FIVE GOLDEN DRAGONS) on the basis that he is a dead-ringer for his secretary but, when Rohm is sent to kill Kinski (and fails, but a Sumuru subject disguised as a soldier in his ranks steps in to carry out the task), the victim is an impostor too…with the real President emerging, alive and well (to say nothing of looking an awful lot like Mick Jagger!) from the next room and, immediately, begins to unwittingly unveil his lecherous nature before the bemused Nader.

Apart from the atypically dark-haired Eaton, who at least seems to be relishing her part, the film's brightest light is supplied by the perennially unflappable Wilfrid Hyde-White (who displays a fondness for acronyms throughout, always seems to turn up at fortuitous moments and is really the one to blame for the mess in which our heroes find themselves). As is to be expected, Sumuru's minions are chosen for their looks rather than their acting ability: needless to say, despite all the anti-male diatribes, these women – Sumuru included – are unable to resist the temptation of 'connecting' with them for very long; even more ruthlessly, the climax has the fortress being attacked and the women mown down without any consideration for their sex whatsoever (or even allowing them a chance to give up)! And, keeping up Nader's neglect, his romantic interest (a good-looking girl who had made her mark intermittently throughout the film) comes to the fore when, asked to eliminate him, she just throws herself at the hero (so that the action chores at this stage are left in the dubious hands of Frankie Avalon!).

The Million Eyes of Sumuru is another movie produced by exploitation maven Harry Alan Towers. Like quite a few of his others it has a unique combination of low budget with exotic location shooting. In this case the action takes place in Hong Kong. The title character is Sumuru (essentially a female Fu Manchu) who plans on ruling the world by using her army of gorgeous women who go out individually and kill all of the world's leading men after getting up close and personal with them by way of their considerable female charms. These 'unfortunate' male saps are then dispatched by a device that turns them into stone. Anyway, via this grand plan Sumuru will take over the world somehow.

This is one of the films that surfed the wave of success created by the James Bond movies which were massive in the 60's. To that end it has a very agreeable combination of exotic locations and hot premier division women. The very fact that the plot-line to this one actively focuses on a woman with an army of babes meant that this one got plus points from me more or less straight away. The 60's glamour essentially is what makes this one work for me. From the thrills and spills side of the fence it's pretty half-hearted, this is a film after all which could be summed up with the word 'breezy', so it's best not to go into this one expecting any pulse pounding action.

The star of the piece is Shirley Eaton in the role of Sumuru. She would go on to forever be known as the lady painted gold in the earlier Bond classic Goldfinger (1964) but it's nice to see her get a starring role here (she also repeated the role in the follow up movie The Girl from Rio (1969), which is another poorly rated film which I happen to like a lot more than most others it seems). This one also benefits from the appearance of two other cult film stars in the beautiful Maria Rohm as a female agent (who is 'turned' by the main 'hero' who was not much more than a sex-pest I thought) and we also have Klaus Kinski appear as one of the high ranking men who is targeted by Sumuru, he even gets to sport a very silly wig in the process. On the whole, this is a movie which seems to have something of a bad reputation which I personally think is somewhat unfair. It has beautiful women, exotic locations and breezy action. That might not be enough for some but it was enough for me.

Silly as this movie may be, it does evoke a certain aspect of 1960s culture, so if you're nostalgic for beehive hair-dos, go-go boots, narrow neckties, white lipstick, etc -- sit back and enjoy. The plot and acting here are beneath notice but the pace is snappy and it does have a few oddball moment of note. See Frankie Avalon acting tough and throwing a hand grenade! See Wilfred Hyde-White slumming it! See George Nader in chains being whipped by Shirley Eaton! This whipping scene, in fact, is the movie's highlight. Not only does a bare-chested Nader look pretty good for a man in his mid-40s, but note that his belt is unbuckled. Did the wicked Su-muru plan to pull down his pants after the whipping? Inquiring minds want to know!

This (like Satan in High Heels, Myra Breckinridge, and Beyond the Valley of the Dolls) is one of those unknown delights produced by the Fab, Mod, Decadent Decade of the Sixties. The child of twisted, tacky sleazemeister Harry Allan Towers (sort of the UK's answer to Russ Meyers--somebody really ought to do a book on Towers--his collaboration with Spanish schlock artist Jesus Franco alone is worth some sort of award for the pinnacle of filmic tackiness), this movie has very little to do with the original novels by Fu Manchu's father, Sax Rohmer. The novels are well worth seeking out--try any online auction site. The best of them is probably The Return of Sumuru and it's pretty easy to get hold of. The original novels were rife with racist attitudes left over from the bygone era of British imperialism, with some new Cold War hysteria and anti-feminist paranoia thrown in for good measure. Sumuru, who was really the heroine, spent most of the novels lolling around nude on mink rugs smoking endless cigarettes or stalking around in high heels sipping liqueur and pondering how ugliness was the root of all that was wrong with the modern world. Rohmer came from an era when homosexuality simply wasn't mentioned so some of the lesbian implications of Sumuru's paradise were glossed over with almost unbelievable naivete. Trust Harry Allan Towers not to let THAT moxie slip past his capable paws. He even includes Klaus Kinski as a gay man marked for death by Sumuru--perhaps because he couldn't be seduced by any of her agents (though I'm sure he would have LOVED to have helped her with her wardrobe, had she given him a chance).

As Sumuru, Shirley Eaton chews up the scenery with tremendous eclat, and gets fantastic dramatic mileage out of that cigarette holder. Check out her new autobiography for some behind the scenes anecdotes about the filming of the two movies (and the true story of how Towers shamelessly grabbed footage from the Rio film and inserted it in the Blood of Fu Manchu without Shirley's knowledge). Frankie Avalon, George Nader and Wilfred Hyde-White are all ridiculous as Sumuru's opponents, which is exactly as it should be. Of Sumuru's agents, my favorite would have to be Helga, as incarnated by the zaftig Maria Rohm (a regular of various Towers productions--I think she was his girlfriend).

It is truly tragic that this movie is ONLY available as an episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Something this sublimely awful deserves to be savored in pristine form. Picket YOUR video store today, and demand Sumuru movies now!