Maciste contre les hommes de pierre

. . . in a movie entitled Hercules Against the Moon Men? I gave it five out of 10 because it is quite average for a movie of its type -- silly Italian Hercules movies being the type.

Enter Alan Steel as greasy, gym rat Hercules. He must battle the evil Queen Zamara and the moon men. Funny thing is it's never explained who the moon men are (strange especially since they're on earth!). Annoying characters include Prince Darrick, Princess Phyllis, and his girlfriend Agar. Lots of Pizza Pizza guards getting tossed by Herc like 20 lb dumbbells. Try to regain composure (and reality) after the brutally boring and pointless `sandstorm' part.

Watch the great part with the old man and the trap. You'd think he'd remember it was there!

Once again, the most frequently asked question in exploitation/cult cinema pops up: Who the hell comes up with stuff like this?!? Aliens from the moon, entirely made of rock and led by a robot-crossover between Darth Vader and C3PO, invade an ancient Greek community and force the people to sacrifice their children for no apparent reason! And, instead of moving out of the area, they blindly obey until they can't take it anymore and call for the help of Hercules. The over-muscled warrior hero arrives, eliminates the evil queen, kicks some alien-butt and falls in love with the local beauty. The end. In all honesty, this movie really isn't that bad. At least it's much better than most other entries in the seemly endless Hercules franchise. The movie only gets boring past the hour, due to the incredibly overlong sandstorm-climax, and you simply have to ignore the plot holes that have the size of a meteor. If you manage to look beyond the silliness, "Hercules against the Moon Men" is a harmless cult-quickie that offers some nice action-sequences and a handful of decent gimmicks. Alan Steel is an average Hercules – not as cool as Steve Reeves but definitely better than Peter Lupus & Mike Lane – and natural redhead Jany Clair is quite sexy as the malicious queen who made a pact with the alien leader. The supportive cast varies from mediocre to awful. I'd really like to see the MST3K-version of this film, as I heard and read some great things about it. Now, let's start wiping the sand out of my eyes.

Fire from the sky drops near Samara. It deposits something evil. This evil horde demands human sacrifice. The queen of Samara (Jany Clair) is in cahoots with the evil ones in exchange for a chance to rule the world.

Only one man can save them by leading a revolt. Yep, it is Hercules (Sergio Ciani.) I suspect the queen could smell Hercules and ordered a shower. It did not work so she will try to make Herc take a powder, and he would be mooning over her.

It looks like another full moon and time for a sacrifice when the sound is turned off it looks like they are all going to the showers. Will Herc help? If you look close Herc looks like Bob Vila of this old house fame, only a tad smellier.

O. K. One more time let us try sandblasting him.

The evil Queen Samara is offering up her subjects as sacrifices to the aliens that inhabit a local mountain. The aliens hope to use the blood of their victims to resurrect their own queen (at least I think that's the plan). The citizens, quite naturally, grow weary of sending their daughters off to die and summon Hercules for help. Can Herc avoid Queen Samara's clutches and defeat the aliens of the mountain and their rock-monster minions?

Hercules Against the Moon Men is by no means a great movie, but it is more fun than it's IMDb rating (2.6) would indicate. Alan Steel makes for an entertaining Hercules. He plays Hercules in a little more lighthearted manner than the more iconic Steve Reeves. He is also more agile than most of the muscle-bound dudes who would play Herc, so he's got that going for him as well. If it weren't for that Georgia clay colored bronzer, Steel would be an almost perfect Hercules. Speaking of perfect, Jany Clair's Queen Samara is also just about perfect - perfectly evil. She on a big time power trip and doesn't care who has to die to get what she wants. And what about those dresses? I didn't realize they had such shiny, sequined evening gowns in ancient Greece (or wherever they are). They look like the dresses Ginger wore on Giligan's Island. The owl headed aliens are pretty cool - even if they pose no real threat to Hercules once he gets near them. They fold like a tent in a stiff breeze. Finally, there are enough fight scenes and shows of strength from Hercules to make the whole thing mildly entertaining. Two of my favorite moments have to be Herc's fight against the ape with the dental issues and Herc's escape from the spiked jaws of death.

I've probably seen Hercules Against the Moon Men at least a dozen times over the years. Usually with the MST3k commentary, but on occasion on its own. While the MST3K commentary is often quite funny, I cannot agree with their assessment that its one of the worst movies they watched. It's too entertaining and too much fun for that. And the sandstorm scene they go on and on about really isn't that bad. Sure, it probably overstays its welcome, but it's no rock climbing (if you know what I mean).