Crooks in Cloisters

CROOKS IN CLOISTERS is one of the weaker British comedy films I've watched. Made in 1964 and shot in colour on what looks to be a serviceable budget, the storyline sees a gang of robbers who escape the long arm of the law by travelling to a remote monastery on an island off the coast of Cornwall. There they must masquerade as monks while attempting to evade the notice of the authorities lest their true identities be revealed.

It's an acceptable enough storyline but it has to be said that the jokes are very tame here and almost unnoticeable for the most part. The character-focused shenanigans are almost entirely of the "fish out of water" variety as these friendly rogues must get used to farmyard animals, cooking, cleaning, and working in the vegetable patch. There are very few belly laughs and as a whole the comedy is weaker than a contemporary feature like CARRY ON JACK.

What CROOKS IN CLOISTERS does have going for it is an exemplary cast of comic faces. Ronald Fraser headlines the cast as the gang leader desperately trying to keep everything together, while Melvyn Hayes is the moonstruck youngster. Barbara Windsor, as the token female member of the crew, is as grating as ever, while Bernard Cribbins spends almost his entire running time getting to grips with a pesky goat. Watch out for an unrecognisably young Francesca Annis as a love interest, Corin Redgrave as a senior monk, and Wilfrid Brambell as a local chap who becomes involved in the shenigans and becomes a valuable ally.

On the run from the law after a series of robberies, a group of dodgy, sub Carry On archetypal British types head to an abandoned monastery off the coast of Cornwall where they start to adjust to a peaceful life whilst continuing to receive and dispose of stolen goods, print money etc.

Whilst there is a good deal of playful British nostalgia to be derived here - who doesn't like Bernard Cribbins, this isn't exactly what you'd call funny. The fine British comic cast spend the whole film milking cows and collecting eggs and little else. Sadly, running a small farm and just saying everything loud and with a strong cockney accent is not on its own amusing.

Having pulled over a train robbery where they succeed in stealing a pair of printing plates from the mint, Walt's gang find themselves top of Superintendent Mungo's `to do' list. Seeking to get away from the heat the gang go to a monastery on an England off the south coast of England. Despite finding the life of work and celibacy hard going the gang find the remote location the perfect place for reworking hot nick before selling it on.

Very much of it's time, this comedy features plenty of famous faces from British comedy and a style of humour that is based more on attitude than fantastic jokes. As such it isn't really that funny but is more amiable than anything else. The laughs are expected to come from the juxtaposition of the cockney slang with the monk's dress. It works to a certain extent – but really you need to be content to make do with this style of humour and not much else. I rarely laughed out loud and the set up only brought a vague sense of humour to the film.

The story goes nowhere in particular. I won't be spoiling anything to say that our gangsters soon fall into the monk's life with a certain affection. Rather than go anywhere the film just gets as much mileage out of the set up as possible before quickly drawing things to a close with an unsatisfying and hasty conclusion. It is pretty poor but if you're after a dated piece of British comedy then this is OK but not as funny as the better of the Carry On series.

The cast are OK. All well know faces playing their caricatures to full effect. Windsor is a little annoying and the film uses her for her blonde bimbo looks and her breasts. The majority all have cockney clichés to act out and do it with a certain amount of fun. It's good to see faces like Cribbins, Fraser, Kaye, Brambell and Hayes in a film.

Overall this is not very good but I didn't expect very much from basically a sub-Carry On caper movie. Manages to get some smiles out of the set up but really it's a bit stretched with nowhere to go at the end.

"Crooks In Cloisters" is the kind of comic movie that is unlikely to be ever made again, mores the pity. After a gang of London thieves rob a train their leader Walter (Ronald Fraser) finds a place for them to hide out until the heat dies down. It is a disused monastery on an island off the coast of Cornwall. They disguise themselves as monks & eventually get used to & even like their new lives. Brother Willy (Melvyn Hayes) becomes a pig farmer whilst Brother Squirts (Bernard Cribbins) gets himself a pet goat and collects apples from the orchard. Brother Lorenzo (Gregoire Aslan) tends the vineyard & Brother Specs (Davy Kaye) gets lumbered with milking the cows. Barbara Windsor plays the Father Superior Walt's gangsters moll Bikini & as she is very obviously a woman she is easily the most preposterous monk of them all. Walt wants her to prepare the gangs meals & she tells him she can't cook so he gets Squirts to buy a cookbook on a visit to the mainland. When they get a visit by a couple of genuine monks Walt tells Specs in his thick Cockney accent to, "Keep your trap shut. You know how bad you talk". Squirts is a heavy gambler & is the owner of a greyhound. He asks a local fisherman visitor from the mainland, Phineas (Wilfred Brambell) to place a £100 bet on the dogs at Hackney races. It wins costing the bookmaker a lot of money. The bookie complains to a detective from Scotland Yard who immediately becomes suspicious. Phineas grand-daughter June is played by the beautiful young Francesca Annis who Willy falls in love with. When Walt decides it is time to leave the rest of the gang have got used to their new lives & are reluctant to do so. Bikini has become a good cook & is particularly annoyed. Walt tells the them, "Get on her!. She didn't know that chips was made from taters until she read it in that book I bought her". The gang are just leaving their hideout when detectives from London roll up, but they are too late & get caught. Willy had left slightly earlier with his beloved June & is the only gang member to escape the law. The reviews by others for this movie are somewhat mixed but I liked "Crooks In Cloisters" a lot.

After a slick credits sequence parodying the Great Train Robbery (with Barbara Windsor taking over as driver!) this surprisingly elaborate production in CinemaScope and Technicolor relocates of all places to Cornwall were it proves disconcertingly rambling and preachy (if you'll pardon the word)!

Worth noting are brief supporting appearances by a young Corin Redgrave in his film debut, Arnold Ridley treading water before becoming a household name in 'Dad's Army', and former Devil Girl from Mars Patricia Laffan making her final film appearance as Gregoire Aslan's foxy blonde mistress.