Le conquérant

One of the all-time bad movies, an unintentional joke that actually stays funny for over two hours. John Wayne as Genghis Khan is one of the worst examples of miscasting in the history in Hollywood, but that's not what makes the movie so funny. What makes the movie funny is Wayne attempting to say the ridiculous purple prose of the script, the whole thing is written in this sort of pseudo-Shakesperian English, and John Wayne was always one of those rare actors who had serious trouble with anything like a grammatical sentence. Whenever things start to lag Wayne has to say something like "I ree-gret that Ah am without sufficient spittle to sa-lute you as you dee-serve" or the classic "Yore beautiful in yore wrath".

Also memorable for bad supporting performances by Agnes Moorehead and William Conrad, the sight of Wayne in Asiatic eye-makeup and Fu-Manchu moustace (the only biography of Khan I've read says he was white anyway), Susan Hayward doing a clumsy sword dance, a rape scene that would embarrass the tackiest Bodice-ripper, kitschy sets, and a Las Vegas revue act featuring a female dancer in a white leotard with a patch of fringe right *there*.

Whoever made the decision to cast John Wayne as the young Genghis Khan either had too much imagination or too little. I have rarely laughed so hard at a movie which was trying so hard to be serious. My favourite lines: "My heart tells me this Tartar woman is for me" and "Share the booty" (both of which have become regularly quoted catchlines among the friends who have seen this). Gather some friends, have a few drinks (or more than a few), and watch this film. You'll gasp, you'll groan, you'll wonder if the casting director and scriptwriter were legally sane.

John Wayne is the consummate cowboy, only Clint Eastwood comes close to approaching the title. So it's really jarring to the sensibilities to see Wayne standing there in a Mongol costume and a cheesy "fu manchu" moustache spouting barbarian lines in his trademark western drawl. It's like seeing Alec Guinness start acting like Pee-Wee Herman; some serious misalignment of the heavens has happened and maybe that guy on the corner saying "the end of the world is nigh" was right.

That aside, "The Conqueror" plays like an epic Cecil B. DeMille movie, with epic lines, epic scenery, and epic music. Say what you want about modern cinema, recent movies as a whole tend to be better researched, with characters, clothing, and sets that are historically accurate. This movie makes it clear they had no concept what Genghis Khan and his time was like. People, Wayne included, simply say grandiose lines without any inflection, as if they had no idea how to act the part.

Through it all, I kept expecting Susan Hayward to claim she was an alien or had fallen through a time machine. I doubt very many 12th century Mogolian women had red permed hair and wore low cut dresses. "The Conqueror" is either one of the worst movies you ever saw or one of the funniest.

This movie is a train wreck: you are horrified that it happened, but you can't help but look at it.

John Wayne as Genghis Khan. Take a moment and marvel at the thought. It's absurd on it's face and even funnier on film.

My father flipped past this one Saturday, and we all made him go back. We just couldn't believe it. We sat through the whole film, horrified one moment and laughing hysterically the next.

Sadly, though, I don't think anyone involved in the film was in on the joke it would eventually become.

Truly, this is a gem for all MST3K fans. Tom Servo and Crow would indeed love this "classic."

" I see ya do not care ta feel tha tip of my lance, Jamuga" This incredible line was uttered by John Wayne in one of the most unbelievably funny movies of all time. How could he have done this movie ? This is a movie that must be seen to be believed . There are endless lines like this just read the other reviews to hear others but I could not resist adding my personal my favorite. He's chasing a fellow "Mongolian" around a field on horseback when this beauty pops out.I almost fell down.