Hatchet

The tag-line "Old School American Horror" is a little misleading. While it's true that "Hatchet" recalls the mad gore of the 1980s, the "horror" factor is actually absent. Watching the film feels more like viewing a condensed reel of slasher kills with a few drunk and fun-loving friends - certainly not a bad thing, but not exactly a horror movie either. That being said, it's obvious that the people involved in the production have a real love for the genre. Kane Hodder's monster antics are always a delight, and Adam Green will definitely be a name to watch in the future.

In summary, I'd certainly recommend the film for anyone who gets a kick out of the slasher craze of the 80s, but be sure you're in the mood for goofy fun and not an actual horror flick.

This review is after I saw a viewing of the uncut/unrated DVD version at the Horror Hound convention in Indianapolis on Nov. 16, 2007.

The movie to me, is pretty much a variation of "The Burning" in my opinion. There are a lot of things similar in the plot department. The basic story is some people want to go on a haunted tour in the New Orleans swamps, and they get their wish along with a story about the spirit of a Victor Crowley who was hideously deformed at birth, and accidentally hit in the head with a hatchet by his Father when their house caught fire, the Father was trying to save him. So the Father has long since died from grief, but old disfigured hatchet in the face Victor is supposed to still be around there in spirit. The boat the people are taking the tour on hits some rocks and starts to sink, so they have to go to land, and that's when they come up on Victor's former house. It's not long until Victor shows up, and he's portrayed by Kane Hodder with some pretty fair makeup. It's slicing and dicing time with plenty of blood and some excellent gore, that I'm afraid people going to see the theatrical version will miss. There's nothing original and all that great about this movie, it's basically just another slasher film with some obvious humor, and excellent gore effects. The main thing myself and what I heard from other people after it was over, is the ending really sucks. I won't say anymore, because I know many out there haven't seen it yet, but this first "Hatchet" almost seems like an introduction to the sequel, which is already in the works. Now get this, "Hatchet" is being released next month on both DVD and in the theaters, and all ready, the sequel is pretty much ready to start. So I guess, Victor is supposed to be the new Jason, Freddy, and Michael, all rolled up into one. All I have to say about that, is bullshit. Don't end a frigging movie like they did, totally setting up a sequel. For that reason, I came away with a rather negative feeling, even though I loved all the blood and gore. I think "Hatchet" is being over-hyped, in fact, WAY over-hyped, and a lot of horror/gore fans are going to be a little let down, especially with the awful ending.

Ben (Joel David Moore) is recovering from a separation after eight years. To take his mind off of it, he decides to go on a night ghost-tour of New Orleans swamp with his friend Marcus (Deon Richmond). Tagging along for the ride are: the mysterious Marybeth (Tamara Feldman), lesbians Misty (Mercedes McNab) and Jenna (Joleigh Fioreavanti), sleaze-bag Shapiro (Joel Murray) and an old couple (Richard Riehle and Patrika Darbo). Not to forget their shifty tour guide, Shawn (Parry Chen). Once they set off in the boat (after a crazy old man warns them of the danger awaiting them), they soon enough crash and are stranded in the middle of the swamp. Moreover, they are being stalked and brutally dispatched by Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder, of Jason Voorhees fame), a huge and disfigured man out for revenge.

By now, I am sure you have realised the amount of clichéd stereotypes are present in Adam Green's Hatchet. This is a throwback to the late 70's and 80's slashers that are now very famous (films like Friday the 13th, Halloween, The Burning, Sleepaway Camp and The Prowler). Hype surrounded this film for quite some time before it was released, Hatchet was being heralded as the one of the best horror movies of this decade and a genre defining work. Unfortunately, these claims are quite inaccurate. Although Hatchet is an entertaining movie, it adds nothing to the slasher sub-genre and it is not all original.

Nonetheless, amongst all the dire remakes, shoddy Saw movies and bland sequels, Green has created a damn good horror/comedy with bucket loads of extreme gore. Every single actor does an amazing job, yes, I am being dead serious. Joe Moore, Mercedes McNab and Deon Richmond are excellent at delivering comedic lines totally with total believability. That is not to say the rest were bad, they all played their parts naturally. Horror aficionados will appreciate a few cameos from genre favourites, Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street) and Tony Todd (Candyman) all make brief, but entertaining, appearances. Also, John Carl Buechler (director of the underrated Friday the 13th Part VII) and Joshua Leonard (The Blair Witch Project) assist in aiding the campy atmosphere.

On Buechler, his special effects are insane! Seriously, this is one of the bloodiest, goriest and most visceral horror film I have seen released in a LONG time! The sheer amount of brutality shown on-screen is enough to make hardened gorehounds drool in delight. Every death is long, drawn out and features a whole of lot of blood spray! Decapitations, detached limbs, electric sanders, impalements and hatchets are a few of the many ways in which the unlucky group meet their demise. Kudos must also go to the makeup on Victor Crowley, he is definitely a horror villain to look out for. Kane Hodder plays Crowley with his usual ferocity and relish.

Alongside the gore, Green knows how to keep a movie going at a steady pace. Hatchet never gets boring, it is constantly moving and because of this, is made much more exciting. The story plays out nicely, nothing new; however, Crowley's past is summed up quickly (and smart enough) and no part is ever dragged out. The only time when the script slips up is in the very final scene, which is a total letdown and really ruins what the movie had going for it.

Hatchet is really a love it or hate it movie. Personally, I think it is very good and a nostalgic reminder of the good old days of the slasher. With gratuitous violence, nudity and plenty of camp, Green has asserted himself as someone to look out for with Hatchet.

7/10

A bunch of the usual idiots are in a boat going through a swamp in New Orleans. Naturally the swamp supposedly has the ghost of a deformed maniacal man. Naturally the boat hits a rock and everybody has to get ashore. And naturally the maniac is alive and well (somehow) and goes after all of them.

As you can see this is totally by the numbers. There's no explanation of how this thing is still alive after so many years and he seems to be able to teleport to exactly where the victims are--there are at least five instances where he appears someplace that it was impossible for him to get to. Hasn't this insulting cliché been played out already? And nothing kills him (of course). All the passengers are the same clichés we've seen before--there's the slutty girls, the horny older guy, the nice guy, the nice girl, the elderly couple... I was actually getting pretty annoyed that these were trotted out again in a movie.

In some ways it'll give the undiscriminating horror fan what he wants--blood and boobs. Before the opening credits two people are literally torn apart (one is amusingly played by Robert Englund) and there's at least 10 pairs of nude breast shots in the first 15 minutes alone! This gets a 5 because it wasn't unwatchable. It moves fairly swiftly and the cast were actually pretty good. They're not going to win any awards but they pulled off their roles. The script has some purposely funny lines and I did laugh a few times. Also the gore was pretty explicit. I'm not surprised that it was cut for an R rating.

So, if you're a horror fan, you've seen this before. But if there's nothing else at the video store or on TV this is an OK time waster.

Writing a review for Hatchet is almost pointless. Devotees of the horror genre will see this no matter what is written. In fact, a certain rhetorically named fan-boy website that prides itself on cool news has already lauded the movie's villain as the next horror icon. While I wouldn't be too sure about that, Hatchet does make one thing clear at least, and that's that writer/director Adam Green has undeniable talent.

Structured largely as a parody of the Friday the 13th films, Hatchet casts legendary Jason Voorhees stand-in Kane Hodder as Victor Crowley, the deformed son of a backwoods Louisiana bayou fisherman (also played by Hodder), who was presumed killed years earlier in a house fire started by a bunch of tormenting local kids.

Green follows the stock formula for such movies: take a bunch of folks, find an excuse to strand them in monster country, and let the audience revel in watching them get picked off one-by-one.

Where Green excels, however, is in his smartly written, comically-paced script that is chalk full of genuinely funny inside jokes that are blatant winks at the audience and along the way establish more of a bond with Sean of the Dead than Halloween.

In terms of horror movies, there's nothing going on here that is particularly inventive or even scary, but Green clearly isn't out to achieve that. Rather, he's paying homage to a genre that he grew up with, as is clear by the cameos he's given to icons Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street) and Tony Todd (Candyman and numerous others).

Bolstered by good acting, top notch production values, and intentionally rubbery costume effects, Hatchet panders to the fan-boy crowd in glorious revelry. Clearly Green knows his audience likes to sit back, kick the Fangoria magazines off the couch, and watch somebody take a belt sander in their kisser.

While I think labeling Victor Crowley as the next horror icon in the same vein as Jason, Michael Myers, and Freddy is complete preposterousness, saying Adam Green is someone to keep an eye on is a more realistic, and complimentary laurel.