El regreso de los muertos vivientes: Danza macabra

If you thought that the Return of the Living Dead series couldn't get any worse than the pointless third sequel, you'd be right. While this is still an awful, stupid mess; at least it's a (slight!) improvement over the first of the 2005 offerings; but of course, that isn't saying anything. Quite why someone has had the bright idea to resurrect a series that was never massively popular anyway is anyone's guess; and the fact that the resulting movies are a complete waste of film stock aptly shows what a bad idea it was. The subtitle, 'Rave to the Grave', should be enough to put any sane movie-goer off seeing this film...but anyway, this time the stalwart bunch of teens that always inhabit this kind of movie are having fun getting stoned off their faces with a new drug. 'Z' will get you high...but it will also turn you into a brain eating zombie. It doesn't take long for the whole school to be infested with zombies; and the rave that they've all been looking forward to may well turn out to be what it's name suggests; a rave to the grave.

Ellory Elkayem, the genius behind Eight Legged Freaks, is in the director's chair for this film, and gives us a tour-de-force of forgettable direction once again. The film uses dreary nu-metal trash for its soundtrack far too often; as if the rest of the film wasn't enough of a turn off on its own. The zombie design is nothing to write home about, although in fairness; it's not the worst I've ever seen. There is a zombie in the movie that seems like a nod to the first zombie in the original movie, which would have been nice if this film wasn't a pointless load of crap. The reason why this entry in the series is ever so slightly better than the third sequel is because it takes in more of the humour that the Return of the Living Dead series is notable for. The humour isn't funny really; but at least the film acknowledges its roots somewhat. Most of the cast from the fourth film return, and basically do what they did in that one; i.e. fail to make an impression. To be honest, I can't believe I wasted time on this after wasting time on part four. My only advice where this film is concerned is simple; ignore it!

This is a truly hateful movie, towards fans of the series and zombie fans in general. The ROTLD movies have often pride themselves on being the "true" story of Romero's NightOTLD and have been usually fun to watch for the humor and effects. This one has neither, nor anything that truly ties it together with the past sequels. The only thing this movie is full of is stupidity; pure, undiluted stupidity.

Having found one of the familiar 'zombie' tanks, that just happen to be lying around, a group of college students take it to their campus labs in hopes of understanding what it is...so they use it in making a drug called "Z"(...Ha...ha...). What follows is menagerie of plot holes and thoughtless actions, which are the only way the plot, which is deader than any of the 'zombies' in the film, is able to move along.

As for the reason I mention 'zombies' is because unlike the previous movies, these 'zombies' CAN die from head-shots, or even getting their ears punctured. They smell when they turn, pretty much instantly, even though they aren't really rotting or can sweat. We also have 'zombie' rats that can't tell a real brain from plastic one on an anatomy figure. Then we have a line of up people just meant to be eaten; not batting an eye the panicking people, hear or see the 'zombies' coming, or able to even fight back, to help spread the plague.

As for the 'zombie' drug, it has a random release time depending on weight, age, and other factors of the buyer, which we learn about a quarter into the third act. So even though the drug has been in circulation for maybe week, and consumed countless times by annoying DJ and the dealer, we don't get any 'zombies' until near the end of the second act. Which also gives us time for a bunch of time with the truly despicable characters of the film.

There is not even a single thing laughable in this movie. It tries to be funny, thinking that oblivious characters or ironic T-shirts are humorous, but ultimately falls short of the punchline with both ankles snapped off. It does manage a statically impossibility ability to not make you laugh at the sheer stupidity of anything.

If you are a fan of zombie movies, never watch this one. It's not even 'so bad it's good', more like 'so bad you will be buying a new TV because you'll have put your fist through the screen'. If you find a copy, I implore you to burn it to ashes, never spend a dime on it, rented or otherwise.

Man, there are gonna be some seriously ticked-off fans. I mean, I'm a fan of the first 3 films (mostly 1 and 3) but I'm talking about the "die-hards" who are gonna be even more ticked than me because after 2 years of "in-the-making", THIS is what they come up with.

Sci-Fi channel can make all of the bad movies-of-the-week that it wants but making sequels to cult favorites like "Return of the Living Dead" is, well, they should really just know better.

As if part 4 wasn't bad enough (and it was awful), we get treated to something even worse: part 5. Having absolutely no redeeming qualities, it essentially plays like a 2-hour demonstration of what not to do when making a movie. Not even once does it rise to "so bad it's good" status as it's clear the writer and director aren't aware of ANY of the rules to good "bad movie"-making...such as this one: "Plot holes can exist as long as there is enough action to distract the viewer from focusing on them,"

The makers of this film apparently think every viewer has the IQ of a coat hanger because the plot holes come fast and steady from the beginning through to the end. Within the first ten minutes, we find ourselves asking: "Why is it that some of the high-school students in the P.E. class look to be about 30 years old?", "Where did the note about the guy's uncle come from?", "How can the main character have lived in his house for years (judging by the dust in the attic) without ever knowing about that secret room?" and "What exactly did Peter Coyote do to deserve this?" and then later, my favorite: "What high school lets unsupervised students use syringes on laboratory rats?" Meanwhile, we get mostly bad dialogue scenes instead of action (or camera work, atmosphere, good music, good dialogue scenes...really, take your pick), to go with these glaring questions.

Believe me, I'm not nit-picking. I normally don't mind plot-holes in otherwise entertaining movies. If I was able to overlook them while watching "House of the Dead", I'd say I'm pretty forgiving. I don't think a movie has to be completely in sync with reality, but come on, at least make an effort!

Here, it's obvious that someone was just too lazy or too inept to fix them...and that is just one problem that needs fixing! What about the fact that the zombies not only talk, but when they do, they sound just like...humans?! (Well, actually, that was more the case in part 4. Here, they only really talk when the opportunity for a lame one-liner presents itself.) Still, what about the fact that they feel pain? Or that they run (but only when convenient)? Honestly, I think this was made by people who have never seen a single zombie flick. If you don't agree, then explain the makeup effects because, let me tell you: gray face powder and latex cheekbones do not a zombie make.

Like I said, fans are gonna be ticked and die-hards may well storm the Sci-Fi Channel HQ. They would have been wise to change this to a stand-alone film instead of a sequel, but as it is, maybe "Return of the Living Dead 5: Dig Your Own Grave" would have been a better title.

This final (?) film in the Return Of The Living Dead horror film franchise puts a final nail in the lid of the coffin for this series. The film has little to do with previous entries, except for the Trioxcin gas found in the barrels. Supposedly this is a sequel to part 4. Some of the main characters return, true. They have graduated from high school and are now in college. The problem lies in the fact that they have all seemingly forgotten what befell them in the previous film. So when the barrel with the gas and the zombies do show up, it is as if it is all brand new. Heck, even main character Julian seems to have forgotten that he hates his uncle (Peter Coyote in a very small cameo) after the events of the last film. The zombies are not very exciting visually (mostly some grey skin and latex cheekbones) and the rules of how they act seem to change as the story decrees it necessary. For instance, at times they can run and later on they can only shuffle about. Its too bad that the series had to go out on such a low note. It really did deserve better than this.

This has to be the lowest of the many lows that the Sci-Fi Channel has finally reached. What an horrible, awful movie. This movie is just plain awful. Rats become zombies and then disappear and are never seen again. The special effects are pathetic. Over and over again the zombies bite into the heads of victims and a tiny squirt of blood is occasionally shown.

The actors have thick Russian accents and claim to be agents for the U.S. Government. The moronic efforts at comic relief are insipid and horribly dumb. There is absolutely nothing good about this film. Return of The Living Dead Part III, was an excellent movie, too bad the Scum-Fi Channel did two horrible sequels. ROTLD 5 is a disgrace to all zombie movies.