Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings

...but, one of the most enjoyable movie-watching experiences ever! We watched it the other night and I almost peed my pants.

Yet, I have to ask, why was this movie made? Even though it looks like they only spent about $50.00 to make it, there is no way it could have made money. And, it's not like it is a contribution to cinema. The paper that the script was written on would have been put to better use in a gas station bathroom than actually using it to make a movie. Who thought it would be a good idea to have a character that spoke in stupid rhymes (Tom Tit Tot)? Did anyone else notice that they were too embarrassed to admit that the same "actress" played both the parts of the elf queen and Max's Mom? They credited "Jack Baker" as playing the elf queen. How ridiculous! That said, I just bought it on e-bay for $1.99, so I'll be watching it over and over again for years to come and subjecting all my friends to it.

I went to Wal-Mart and as I usually do purchased some b-movies. This particular one caught my eye because I love fantasy and science fiction. Little did I know that this film would be so painfully bad.

The plot centers around a boy who is given a book of magic spells one day from a friend. After receiving this book he enters a magical fairy world filled with elves, trolls and annoying mice that won't stop laughing. In this world the lord of the Unseelee(sp) court is bent on capturing a series of magic rings and conquering the peaceful forest-dwelling seelee of the Bluebell forest. As usual there is a single great champion prophesied to defeat the evil unseelee and save the peaceful Bluebells, yeah that would be Max.

It seems nobody in the 'Real world' is played by an actor with any actual acting talent. The characters, especially the main villain, are so annoying that halfway through the movie you'll wish that you were deaf. The king of the bad guys as a matter of fact has this annoying goat-like "bah" that he says like every 3 seconds. And that stupid mouse wont quit laughing. The script is absolutely awful with dialogue that will surely embarrass anyone watching the movie. After all you could never admit to watching Max Magician and retain a shred of dignity. And boy is that main villain dumb. So dumb in fact that his loyal servant Fetch seems to realize from time to time how inept his master truly is. Fetch however does not seem to be smart enough to ditch old goat head form greener pastures.

The movies only up-side is that it has excellent make-up work. All the gnarly faces are suitably fantasy-like and do not hide or hinder the actors' eyes or mouths. And Erika Ann who plays Princess Etain is cute as button with her pointy elf ears.

This does not save this highly mediocre film however.

This was probably the worst movie ever made. The special effects were terrible. They would show movies of animals and add voice overs to make the animals "speak". The mouths wouldn't move although in some shots they gave the animals food and they were clearly eating to make their mouths move. I don't know what that one person who gave this movie a 10 was thinking. I actually bought this movie because I heard how bad it was to get a good laugh out of it....and I did. The whole movie was clearly revoiced and most of the dialogue didn't match up. I would have given this a 0 but they don't have that rating. I would recommend to find this in the wal-mart bin and buy it and you will laugh yourself to death at the terribleness.

Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings is the most fantastic movie I've ever seen, for a number of reasons. Most importantly, the cast, crew, director, make-up "artists", cinematographers all take the movie in complete seriousness. This is remarkable considering the abysmal quality of the line delivery, horrible costumes, EXCEEDINGLY AWFUL script, and absolute lack of skill and knowledge of the craft of film on the part of everyone involved. All these factors combined, however, makes this film a masterpiece of late-night heckling material. My friends and I bought this for $5.50 at the Wal-Mart Bargain Bin, and the investment more than paid off in side-splitting laughs of disbelief.

Max Magician is a middle-class suburban kid with no friends, but a penchant for the magical arts. He has a creepy pedophile neighbor, Mr. Tim, who at one time was a great wizard (apparently) and gives young Max guidance to "achieve his destiny." He gives Max a poorly-constructed "magic book" which allows him entry into the fantastical world of Bluebell Forest. Max is the "savior" of the village that is being tyrannized by Lord Dadga (the worst actor in the history of cinema). He meets all sorts of ridiculous characters, who deliver absurd dialogue with no knowledge of delivery. At the end he saves the village by using his magic book to summon knights out of the ground.

It's necessary to reiterate that there is not a single saving grace in this film except for the (highly unintentional) comedic implications. Every solitary aspect is done with the least skill and least amount of cinematic expertise possible. The script skips from scene to scene, introduces new "plot elements" which had never been alluded to and are now apparently crucial to the "story". The dialogue is cliched and nonsensical. The characterization is ungodly predictable where not non-existent. The characters take long, painful pauses between lines. The entire soundtrack was redubbed and the dialogue very seldom matches up with the mouths moving. The props are pathetic (the "propmaster" on the "behind the scenes" feature shows a battle hammer which was made from a foam swimming toy.) Occasionally we see extras walking around in the background. The foley work is perhaps the funniest part of the movie, as sometimes the background sound of birds will cut out altogether, voices will cut out in the middle of lines, and giant "swooshes" are used for characters getting out of chairs -- the same sound over and over again.

Which brings us to the acting. There is not a single actor with previous experience (except Tom Tit Tot, who is still one of the worst) and it shows more than you would think possible. Of course they get no help from the script, but this is the single worst ensemble of amateur actors ever put together. I can honestly say that with very little doubt. For this reason alone it's probably worth investing in to appreciate just how bad something can be. Only buy Max Magician, even for $5, if you want to truly understand the meaning of "awful" and wish to have many a laugh at the film's expense. If you buy this to entertain your children you may taint their appreciation of art and cinema from a young age. No young person deserves that.

There are MANY home movies that are worse, plus a handful of commercial films that have worse scripts and bad acting. There aren't too many that have worse sound.

On the other hand, remembering that the folks that did this one are a small, local group of aspiring film makers, they didn't do too bad of a job in some areas. The stunt work was fairly good for amateurs, the cinematography was watchable, and some (10%) of the acting was passable. The young gal (she was 16 during production) playing the princess was easily the best.

The real question is how they convinced anyone to distribute their efforts, even in the bargain baskets at WalMart.

The bottom line is I got a few laughs at their expense and my kids will be entertained for a few hours, all for just $5.50. And remember, no mice were injured in the production of this film.