Rollergator

There are some films made that are must see cinema, from fabulous storytelling, through superb acting, talented direction, to stunning cinematography. Sadly Rollergator isn't on of them, if there was ever a film made not to be seen than Rollergator meets all the criteria and more. it's appalling. Words almost fail me, there are no redeeming features whatsoever in the film, there are some parts that beggar belief, from the alligator himself through to a painfully lame martial arts display. Oh yes, I forgot the soundtrack, endless strumming away bu someone undoubtedly a friend of the film makers who did it as a favour in return for a credit listing, what a dreadful racket. I was almost reduced to tears begging this film to end. By comparison Hobgoblins is the work of a master, and that was what I would have said previously the worst film I'd ever had the misfortune to see. It's hard to forget this film, I will remember when and where I was when I saw it, it is etched into my consciousness and not in a good way. If you like really bad films then this is one for you, but be warned, this film is worse than you imagine it could be no matter how many reviews you read, how awful the comments here are about it, and how based on your previous film history you think ti could be, it's worse than that! No amount of alcohol or other substances is going to improve it either.

Only because IMDB doesn't allow a "0" star rating does this get a star. I imagine this movie was made with the idea that it would somehow catch on as a cult classic and sell some beta max, uh, VHS copies.

How did anyone, anywhere on this entire planet find this piece of unfunny, badly directed, terribly acted - and I won't even mention the Gator Unspecial Effect, think this needed to be made? Just terrible from beginning to end! And when I read the "Directors" credits, he also did The Rollerblade Seven (which I ridiculously rented from a Mom and Pop years ago, and have regretted it ever since!). From the 'talking' Gators horribly annoying voice, to the non-emoting of PJ (who has only two credits on IMDb) to the rest of the non-able to act cast, this is just one horrible film. The absolute ONLY way to watch this: Rifftrax, which at least makes it funny.

Jeesh. Where to begin with this disaster.

Well, me and my friends love watching bad movies. We do it all the time. I think for the same reason many other people do it to; To find something of comedic value and perhaps try and get an understanding as to why the filmmakers made these movies. Sometimes this can simply be attributed to incompetence, trying to make something beyond their scope and budget and competency, or just because the filmmakers wanted to make a movie they wanted to make as a passion project. Some of these movies can be endearing for those reasons alone. But we've sat through enough terrible movies to know that Rollergator isnt one of them.

To sum up quickly for whoever is reading this; a tiny purple alligator and a woman on rollerskates perpetually run away from a skateboarding ninja hired by a carnival owner to retrieve him for their personal profits.

Thats all you really need to know, because those are the only things you can sort of puzzle together. Because for some reason i believe the movie is edited out of order. From the moment the movie starts until it ends nothing makes a lick of sense in the way its story progresses. Scenes cut and jump awkwardly, the camera work resembles that of a 13 year old making short films for youtube and the acting is nothing short from sublime (terrible). There is nothing funny about it. The only reason we got a chuckle out of it was of how distressed me and my friends were and how much we hated it. We got more enjoyment out of eachothers misery watching this than actually watching it.

Another gripe i have is that the movie is a flatout lie. I thought at least i would see a small purple alligator on rollerblades but that didnt happen. Also, the alligator claims that it can sing and rap. But only spits like 2 of the most lamest bars ive heard since "TOP 10 LAMEST FREESTYLE BARS" on youtube (which by the way is funny as hell, funnier than this movie at least). for the rest he doesnt really do much. He spends about 90 percent of the movie huddled away in a backpack.

Now, the audio is... Ooof... No Disrespect Preston Reed but the neverending droning loop of twangy guitars(Me and my friends can pretty much confirm it, maybe, honestly this movie actually made me lose memories) is the worst stuff ever. and it plays from the start till the finish. No tonal shifts, no pauses just the same guitar playing over and over and over. The audio mixing for dialogue in this movie is bad, and sometimes gets drowned out by the guitar that just keeps going and going and going... i legitimately felt dizzy because of how repetitive the audio was.

Overall. Even if you like terribad movies, this isnt worth your time. There is no comedic value in any aspect whatsoever. not in the acting or the camera work or the audio. Its all bad. Steer clear from this one for sure. It aint worth the attention.

I can't, nay, I won't write anything more. The title of my review says all I want to say.