Dulce macabro

This man turns into an indescribable mess everything he touches. And "The Gingerdead Man" is the proof. The proof that Band finally lost it. He no longer makes movies, he unmakes them. He demolishes, maims, mauls, distorts, destroys and deforms everything that a movie is. How can this be a movie: it has NO logical plot, in fact, it has no plot at all, it has NO acting, even Busey's acting was shameful, it has NOTHING that makes it a movie. And what genre is it anyway? Comedy? Horror (I doubt it)? Sci-Fi? Trash? Garbage? I tell you: it is a new genre that Band invented: WASTED TIME: LIFE-SUCKING BRAINWASHING ULTRA DULL SENSELESS NOTHINGNESS. People will enjoy Band's movies when he will stop making them. But I cannot blame him anymore, the man is just making a living, hell, at least he made something out of him. But seriously, Charles, if you're reading this, for the love of God, stop. Please, stop. It is enough. You tried and you failed. You are no director, you are no writer. Stick to producing, doll-making or whatever you do. Don't destroy young minds. Don't waste your and our time. And leave Gary Busey alone.

Sometimes you've just gotta watch a stinker, and this undoubtedly fits that bill. It's the brief (but not quite brief enough) saga of a cold-blooded killer who's put to death, then somehow returns to life as a stabbin', laughin', wise-crackin', foot-tall slab of holiday confectionery. As if that premise needed a little extra kick, this monstrous devil-cookie also happens to be voiced by Gary Busey. The concept itself is hilarious for all of ten minutes, but burns out quickly as the plot tries, courageously but hopelessly, to make us care about his victims. It's atrociously acted of course, the equivalent of D-grade porn stars who keep their clothes on, so those misguided storytelling efforts don't even have a fighting chance. A moment rarely passes without some manner of absurd stupidity. If it isn't a particularly bad pun, a wickedly awful special effect or a pathetic dash of vacant dialog, surely there's a glaringly obvious editing mistake in view. We're talking night-becomes-day-becomes-night, several times in the same scene. Removing a baking pan from the oven with bare hands, commenting on how its contents are freshly scorched, then casually setting it aside. Firing seventeen times from a six-shooter. Though it runs for just an hour and ten minutes, that seems about twice as long as it should've. I had almost as much fun glancing at the cover art as I did watching the entire thing.

Now I did not expect this movie to be any good, and that is exactly what I got, a bad movie with one hell of a villain. Actually, this movie is more of a comedy than an actual horror. This movie is essentially about a killer who's soul gets somehow trapped in a batch of "magical" gingerbread dough. This ultimately spawns a homicidal, foul-mouthed and sadistic gingerbread cookie. It's just as bad as it sounds. There was horrible acting and a curious plot. However, there is one good thing about this movie and that is it's great surrealistic tone and coring. Other than that, there isn't that many things good about it.

So lets kick off, shall we? The acting was atrocious and really bad. Robin Sydney and Ryan Locke both displayed the perfects example of really bad acing as well as Larry Cedar, whose performance seemed as though he was trying not to laugh during his monologues or seemed that he was personally trying not to act at all. There were points where the acting was so over the top, that it wasn't even funny. One of the only good actors, and he wasn't all that good, was Jonathan Chase who actually was creepy near the end, though they killed him off way to quickly. As for Gary Busey, well, he was in the movie for a whopping 10 minutes.

The plot itself was very bad because it never fully explains anything, nor does it explain where the batter came from and it was never really confirmed that it was Millard as the Gingerbread cookie. The story took place in a closed bakery with glass walls and the main characters where panicking because they were trapped and they needed to find a way out, rather than breaking the windows or using the keys to unlock the door, since they work there. Plus, they were getting worried because the police won't come when one of the character literally ran out the door to look for her dad, who died, and rather than running to the police, she ran back inside. They also never explained who was it that dropped off the evil cooking dough. Also, Cedar's character was stupid enough to run into the wall as the gingerbread man ran into him, thereby becoming a victim of his own stupidity.

There were no scares in this film; even some of the gore and killings were laughable. But wait, there were only 2 dead people. I can't take a talking homicidal gingerbread man seriously and when he lops off fingers, shreds somebody's face or shoots somebody, it's actually quite entertaining in a funny way. The only scary part was when Jonathan Chase's character becomes the essence of the Gingerdead Man, and that in itself was pretty hysterical. I'm sorry, I just can't take a talking gingerbread seriously, even for a horror movie or a supernatural sci-fi it was pushing the box too hard.

However, the was one big aspect of the movie that I did enjoy and that was it's surrealistic atmosphere that practically tributed comic book style scenes as well as 80s horror movies. There was excellent red and green lighting that coincided with the theme of gingerbread and a bakery shop. There were great references to the ingredients of gingerbread cookies that was demonstrated through the lighting and special effects such as sparkles (sprinkles), yellow and some blue lighting (the frosting) and gumdrops. The camera angles were very interesting because they incorporated some great angular shots as well as some great pans and zooms. The camera work itself stayed consistent to the comic book style of setting up scenes with a primary focus and individual or group shots, as well as some POV's. It was an altogether great accomplishment for the technical side of this movie.

Overall, this movie was about as scary as your average Disney fairy tale; it even had its "Disney Magic" to it as well. The acting was insanely stupefied as well as the plot, mainly because it didn't make sense. There were points were I could not look at the movie and just turn away to laugh, because it just wasn't scary. It was if somebody turned the Gingerbread Man from Shrek into an angry, belligerent and more annoying "thing." I would recommend this movie to those who enjoy a good hardy laugh or to those who enjoy a not-so-good quality horror movie. But for those who actually want to be scared, or who are looking for something with a kick, stay away, far away; I didn't so now I'm remorseful.

It sure makes me psyched for the upcoming Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust. Blah!!!!!

I went into this expecting something similar to Jack Frost, the killer snowman movie. While Jack Frost was obviously a low-budget slasher flick, it was very funny. The humor was the point. In this flick, I'm quite confused as to what the point is. The story is terrible, and major plot points are plodded through just because something had to be explained.

The Gingerdead Man character lacks any humor, and the few attempts come up short. In addition, almost the entire movie takes place inside a small bakery. How much hiding, running, and action can play out here without anyone getting away? This movie had lots of potential. The premise was great, but it needed more development and better writing.

What is it that makes this Charles Brand tick away? This guy is like the not-quite-as-talented step-son of Roger Corman, producing hundreds of films, very few of them people actually probably legitimately like with a straight face (let alone those he might have, heaven forbid, directed). I didn't know this until I a) looked him up on IMDb, and b) was subjected to The Gingerdead Man, one of his recent, um, "features". I bought it thinking I'd get some laughs, after all it's hard to not find the prospect of a Chucky-style killer in the form of a Gingerbread Man (voiced by Gary Busey himself) quite tempting as a truly fun bad movie. But I didn't expect it to be this boring, this absolutely dreadful, so abysmally acted to the point where I wished my own bed-ridden Grandmother could walk on to the set and wipe the floor with these other "actors" with her own non-existent acting chops.

Oh sure, Brand *tries* to put a story together, something close to it I suppose, involving a bakery called, um, "bakery", and how it is under threat from a Mondo Burger style competition of a new bakery across the street and how the workers cant seem to cope and, uh, work into the late hours of the night and then one of them cuts his finger and so conveniently blood drips into the flour and the electricity goes off on.... damn, you get the idea. What little hope I had for the movie, perhaps from the trailer, was moot. Brand probably does know how to put together a trailer for a movie - looking at the one for this and a couple other "Full Moon" productions on the DVD it looks like that is their real metee - but the actual film is um... a film? More like a string of terrible, inexcusable and inconceivably written scenes strung together by wretchedly done "attacks" from the pastry on his dumb-as-wood victims. The only thing more stupid and ridiculous is how the poor little feller meets his/its end.

I wish I could recommend this, I wish I could say this is the "shiznit" of killer-whatever movies that you can turn off your brain and enjoy as fun schlock. I can't, in good conscience, ever do that. If it weren't for Gary Busey's little bits of "WTF-ness", I might have come close to slitting my wrists and swearing a life of nothing but Ozu and Bergman for the rest of my life.