- Millard: Hey rat, rat! I'm talking to you! You want a piece of me? Hey you little shit, fuck off! Come over. I want kick your ass. I'll kick your little rat ass.
- Lorna Dean: [talking on her cell phone] Daddy, you have got to come and get me, I'm at Betty's Bakery and we got homicidal baked goods after us.
- Brick Fields: Now it's time to meet your maker, prepare to face the butcher baker, for tonight your ass it toast.
- Millard: You gotta be shittin' me?
- Millard: Eat me, you punk bitch!
- Brick Fields: Butcher Baker's no one's bitch!
- [begins to eat gingerdead man]
- Amos Cadbury: If that thing is real, I say we grab that mother fucker and we take it in to Leno, Letterman. How much dough can you make from a talking cookie... heh dough, cookie, get it?
- Amos Cadbury: Now wait a minute, you mean to tell me that that...
- Sarah Leigh: I know it sounds crazy. Amos, I don't know how it happen. It's only thing that makes sense even if it is Twilight Zone kind of sense.
- Amos Cadbury: The guy that... killed Jeremy and your daddy? That you helped send to the electric chair? Millard Findlemeyer? Has come back from the dead... to get revenge on you... inside a cookie?
- Amos Cadbury: Wait, wait. Are you telling me that thing was a cookie you were baking? That's crazy, crazy. Ok, do you have a magic oven?
- Millard: Awww, ain't that sweet? I see a sappy love story brewing. Baby, it's all over but the crying.