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During one of my frequent visits to IMDb, I checked out Albert Pyun's page of cinematic offenses, and noticed that the guy is responsible for at least half of what I would call the worst movies of the 90's. He has now moved into the 21st century with a new bomb, appropriately called Ticker.

I try to give as much credit as possible to filmmakers, as I know how difficult it can be to even get a film off the ground. And considering the calibre of actors appearing in Ticker, I was fully prepared to give credit to veteran director Albert Pyun (if credit were due.)

It isn't.

As someone else already mentioned, it is amazing that this guy still finds people to finance his "films." I can name of the top of my head a few people who could all have made better entertainment with that squandered budget: me, my mother, my grandmother, hey even my cat...

I am also amazed that actors such as Tom Sizemore, Dennis Hopper and yes, even Steven Seagal would appear in such films. Sizemore and Hopper, in the hands of worthy directors, are superb. In the hands of Pyun, look like there having no fun at all and subsequently do little to help an already pathetic film such as this.

The plot: A mad bomber (Dennis Hopper) is (for reasons unclear blowing up the city.) Tom Sizemore is the detective out to stop him, with or without the aid of the zen preaching leader of the bomb squad (Steven Seagal.) add also the beautiful Jamey Preissly as the Hopper's girlfriend who is detained by Sizemore. There is also a bunch of insignifigant bombers in black swat suits (led by Ice T) and a bunch of other guys in black swat suits whom are really members of the swat team making them impossible to distinguish. In other words, this is one big mess in desperate need of some talented direction.

But I do recommend Ticker. I had a great laugh watching it, seeing Seagal using 10 seconds to waddle down 6 stairs while being shot at by a group of men 20 feet away with M16 rifles and hitting nothing, listening to Hopper's Irish accent appear, disappear, reappear and so on, watching the evacuation of a town hall (government building of some kind, it wasn't clear) when what we are shown is a night club evac scene lifted directly out of another film, and hundreds of other serious and obvious inconsistencies unfold before your eyes. For the purpose of hilarity and ridicule, Ticker is great fun, and lands firmly in the category of "so bad it's good."

My reason for seeing this dung was simple: I liked the title, as well as actors Tom Sizemore, Steven Seagal, and Dennis Hopper. Nothing could prepare me for how awful this film truly is. This is the definition of a cheap straight to video movie. TERRIBLE action; AWFUL acting; EVERYTHING just sucks about this film. Take my word for it, don't waste your time or money watching this film.

The actors obviously only did this film for a paycheck. Shame on them -- they lost a little of my respect.

Despite it going straight to video, you might be thinking, "Well, it has Steven Seagal, so it at least must have a good amount of action." Think again. Seagal doesn't do anything until near the end, and his martial arts sequences are so rapidly-edited and close-up with the camera, someone with no martial arts sequences could have taken his place and had the same effect. In fact, most of the movie shows Seagal sitting down and/or shot from the chest up (probably to mask his weight gain in recent years.) He hardly does a thing! And there's hardly any other action in the rest of the movie - this is one BORING movie, and I couldn't wait for it to end.

If you do rent the DVD, you might find it interesting to hear the director/producer commentary (despite minutes on end going by without a comment). Not only did it confirm my suspicion that A LOT of stock footage was used, but that it was shot in a short time - just twelve days! Seagal was only used for six days, and Hopper did all his scenes in just one day!

Tom Sizemore is the tormented cop with something to prove. Steven Seagal is the "Zen Master" (yet again) of the bomb squad. Dennis Hopper is the mad bomber who looks like he dropped straight in from filming "Speed". Jaime Pressly is the eye candy. This movie has many illogical and ridiculous gaffes that, if you bother to take 2 seconds to think about, will leave you stunned and wondering "What the *..*?" There is no rhyme or reason to this non sequitur. However, with a beer or two, a light-hearted attitude, and a few irreverent buddies to yuk it up, you could actually enjoy laughing at. I know I laughed at this movie from beginning to end, even without the beer. But trust me, you'll want the beer.

Disclaimer: I like Albert Pyun's films. But "Ticker" is awful. I don't know how it could have happened. OK, I suppose I do know how it happened. It was, after all, pretty easy to spot the doubles used for the actors in over half the film, as well as the bad looping accompanying it. The opening stock footage sequence and endless shots of the bomb-disarming (or is that 'device-treating'?) robot in action didn't help the picture any either. This was a low budget effort, only it was a low budget effort made in a terrain unfamiliar to Pyun – Los Angeles. Even in a "bad" Pyun film (Omega Doom, Blast, Nemesis 4), there is that familiar Pyun style that makes the experience palatable. But in this case, if it weren't for the appearance of various Pyun players (Weisser, Malcon, Halsey, and a lunchbreak cameo by Ice-T), I would have never been able to tell that "Ticker" was directed by Pyun. There was no thought put into this one whatsoever, it seems. I'm more apt to believe what was implied on the director's commentary, that over-the-hill-and-then-some action guru Steven Seagal had more to do with the production of this movie than Pyun did. Yes, I did listen to the commentary. And if I didn't feel like an hour and a half were stolen from my life beforehand, I felt twice the impact after viewing it with the audio track. My advice to others: if you feel the masochistic desire to see the DVD, and have any interest at all in the commentary, just watch it with the commentary the first time and get it done with. You won't miss a thing from the movie, as minutes – nay, entire chapters – go by without either of the guys saying a word. I'm not sure why they even bothered with a commentary; it's fairly obvious how this movie was "made".