My goodness, what's happened to Rutger? I thought you had to stay in pretty trim shape to cope with the rigours of film work but how wrong, how, how...TERRIBLY wrong. "I've seen take-a-ways you wouldn't believe. Burger Kings on the hard shoulder's of Luxenbourg. I watched French fries shimmer in the pans of open-till-lates. All those pounds will be lost in time...." Yes, but how, Rutger? You look way wrong for any kind of vigourous movement, let alone taking on international terrorists. So wide in girth is he that they've had to hire a very slim actress just to be able to fit in the frame with him and even then she seems to be precariously hugging the walls. Who is this pipe cleaner of a girl? No, it can't be, but it IS! It's Tara Fitzgerald, one time doyen of glossies and the British great white hope to rival Julia Roberts (or something.) At what tremulous point does the tide turn for top talent and they slide down the greasy pole to appear in this asinine tosh? Who'd be an actor in today's climate? Poor Tara has enough make up plastered on her boat race to look like Marcel Marceau, I suppose to compete with American bright young things. Rutger wears a bow-tie and various other eccentric outfits, one of which is a dead ringer for Quentin Crisp during his ex-pat in New York period. Towards the end of the film, our Rutger huffs and puffs and sweats (he's actually standing still in Tara's office) and she asks him for a date. Oh, the indignity. The man needs to sit down not get involved in any more vigourous activity.
But pity the other actors. The tv guide lists the following, 'starring Rutger Hauer, Tara Fitzgerald, John Bondi, Hari Dhillon'. Yes, yes, but what about Andrew McCarthy, doesn't he warrant a mention? I mean, he once appeared in a film with Sharon Stone. Not a very good one, granted, but he was billed. Oh, it's too cruel, and he's miscast as well. Still, they all seem to be enjoying themselves immensely. But they can't say it beats working in an office because that's where they always seem to be working, although Tara is nearly forced out of windows every time Rutger barges in. When not in offices, Rutger is seen risibly driving up the same stretch of road with the same glass building in the background. The denoument always seems to take place in an abandoned warehouse with a balcony lacking adequate safety barriers. How do terrorists get access to these buildings? Do they just knock and when nobody answers, bite off the locks with their teeth? It explains why bad guys have such bad dentistry, scowl constantly and show constant ill will toward their fellow man. Estate agents ring a bell, Gentlemen? Oh, it's supposed to be America. Real Estate, then.
I've never heard so many non American nationals speaking in dodgy American accents in an EU country. It's pretty unsavoury working for the Yankie dollar. This 'cyber thriller' has the dubious distinction of being forgettable from scene to scene as opposed to thirty seconds after the end thus making it the world's first virtual movie.
