Witchcraft VI

This extremely cheap waste of time is more concerned with gratuitous female nudity than anything of interest in the so-called "plot." Two donut-eating, wisecracking cops enlist the aid of retired, now good warlock Will Spanner (Jerry Spicer) to help track down a Satanic serial killer. The evil leader is an old, dyed-blonde bar owner with a huge forehead who sends out a beautiful vixen (Shannon McLeod) and a muscular guy with a "nice butt" (Craig Stepp) to seduce, then sacrifice lots of silicone-enhanced blonde bimbos.

If you think the acting, photography, dialogue and lighting are bad, just wait until you see the FX. Scenes of belly buttons turning into Satanic stars and a solar eclipse that eventually shoots laser beams (?!) are among the worst effects ever to hit the small screen. Spicer having sex in the bathtub with his wife (Debra Beatty) is the only memorable part.

Do yourself a favor and forget this awful direct-to-video series even exists!

Director Julie Davis also scripted, and shows none of the talent that made her indy romantic-comedy I LOVE YOU, DON'T TOUCH ME! (1997) so enjoyable.

So why 10 out of 10? Mainly to counteract the "Academy". The Academy believes that no film which does not deal directly with some left-wing (gay anything!) societal issue, have a completely depressing ending, or at the very least involve unattractive actors mumbling philosophical nonsense to each other in Swedish or French has any right to be seen. Not so! Klaus Kinski in Herzog's "Aguirre, the Wrath of God" is tedious enough to make me want to peel off my own flesh. Stephanie Swinney in "Witchcraft 6", on the other hand, leads me to believe that some flesh just needs to be appreciated. It should be remembered that in its beginnings cinema never aspired to the status of art. It was entertainment pure and simple. That some film has indeed achieved the status of art is both inarguable and laudable, but it would be unwise to denigrate that which aims to merely titillate or entertain.

Although it pretends to be a horror film, this is really soft core porn at its sleaziest. The good thing is, it's pretty funny at times, and the tongue and cheek style makes an otherwise run of the mill horror pic watchable. Hustler centerfold Stefania Swinney is drop dead gorgeous as the innocent victim at the beginning of the film.

I enjoyed this film, sure it's not the best occult film out there, hell, it isn't even a very good occult film, but it does work as a good softcore flick in that it delivers the goods (i.e. ample female nudity) and doesn't mess around with taking itself too seriously. Something that is good to find in these sorts of films, all too often, I try to rent some video, hoping to see gratuitious skin and instead am stuck watching some horrible attempt at "suspense," and left with little to no actual skin, ugh. I was rather relieved to catch an amusing flick with healthy doses of nudity. I also liked the stupid cop scenes because, well, I think cops eating donuts are funny. Check it out if you're a fan of the series or an Andy Sidaris fan. I give it 8/10 stars!

Witchcraft VI: The Devil's Mistress (1994)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Detectives Lutz and Garner are investigating the strange murders of three women found in the nude with no apparent death marks. The only thing connecting the victims is that they had gold crosses with them. With no one else to turn to, they ask Will Spanner (Jerry Spicer) to help them with the case and sure enough it leads back to Satan worshipers. WITCHCRAFT VI is yet another bad film from this bad series but like the previous five, this one here just has something about it that makes it watchable. Perhaps it's the non-stop humping that keeps it moving but even this after a while starts to get old. I think it's fairly interesting that we're six movies in and the same character has appeared in each of these. As silly as it might sound, this actually gives the series some familiar territory for the viewer because each time you start a new movie you really don't have to get familiar with new characters and instead you're just continuing the connection with this lawyer who always has a hot girlfriend and is always getting involved with the Devil. The performances here are actually pretty good with Spicer doing a nice job in the role as Will and both Kurt Allen and John Holiday are good as the detectives. As far as the women goes, it's clear that the casting call was for big breasted ladies who wouldn't mind showing their bodies. I think I counted at least six women that were naked before the 25-minute mark and the film hadn't even gotten to the major sex scenes yet! Oh yeah, isn't it kinda strange that pretty much the only scene that doesn't feature nudity is one in a strip joint? This here is clearly just for fans of the series or those nutty enough like myself to try and sit through all of them. Those not fitting either of those categories are best to leave this one alone.