Phoenix the Warrior

The summary says it all: What do you get when you combine big hair, big guns, big, um...personalities! and a serious lack of wardrobe? She-Wolves of the Wasteland, a post-apocalyptic classic that features women--lots and lots of women--who leave little to the imagination as they battle each other in various junkyards and gravel pits to determine the fate of the entire world. Leave your brain behind for this shamelessly sinful sexploitation romp with a plot you won't remember...but plenty of eye candy you won't forget! Found it in the bargain bin--it's been released on DVD for the first time, finally

Poor Persis Khambatta. This stunningly beautiful actress did not leave us with a long (or even a short) catalogue of exceptional films. She will always be remembered as the Deltan Lieutenant Ilia in 1979's "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" (which, let's face it, wasn't that great of a movie either), but other than that, she appeared in a handful (12, to be exact) of films that were mostly eminently forgettable. And none of them was more forgettable than "Phoenix: The Warrior," aka "Warriors of the Wasteland." As one of the film's thumbnail summaries puts it, "Big hair, big guns and a serious lack of wardrobe. A post-apocalyptic story that features women who leave little to the imagination as they do battle in junkyards and gravel pits."

It's tough to review a movie when what's bad about it is everything. Where do you start? The preposterously nonsensical plot? The hopelessly flat-footed dialogue? The even more hopelessly amateurish acting? The grotesque hair? The clownish makeup? The hysterically skimpy costumes? The bad-home-movie production values?

Why did Khambatta take this role? Was it to pay the bills? Was it the only work she could get, at least in the States? It's so sad: She had a disastrous combination of a chain-smoking habit and bad genes that led to her needing a coronary bypass operation at the age of 35. Despite the operation, she went on to die of a massive heart attack only 10 years after she made this dismal dog of a movie. R. I. P.

The movie is basically about a society of women in a post apocalyptic setting who hunt down the last remaining men and kill them in order to promote the goals of their leader who appears to be a very old borg/emperor palpatine love child. They do so in order to bring about her ultimate "goals" which are never really revealed. The only explanation the movie offers is that she is wanting to create her own race of humans, but how she plans on doing so without men is kind of left up in the air. To put it simply this was a total blue ball movie. A complete build up with absolutely no release. There are only two nude scenes back to back (one involving child birth which totally takes away from the awesomeness of the nude female figure) and before you know it everybody is fully clothed, acting badly, and running around hopelessly looking for the end. And that's just the people watching watching it. Oh bazing! Many times during this movie I found myself screaming for the female warriors of the waste to get naked and start doing each other, but unfortunately that never happens. If you want a good mad max sexploitation movie, then keep looking. This one is NOT it.

After a biological war has annihilated all the males on earth and most of the females, those few women who survive are left to fend for themselves in an effort to stay alive. Many of them soon gravitate to a particular evil sorceress known as "the Reverend Mother" (Sheila Howard) who mysteriously manages to impregnate some of the women but ensures that no males are born. Until, that is, one specific woman named "Keela" (Peggy Sands) becomes pregnant with a "male seed". Realizing that the Reverend Mother is determined to kill her unborn child, Keela attempts to escape from her domination. During the attempt she encounters a "sand trapper" named "Phoenix" (Kathleen Kinmont) who provides protection and support both before and after the child is born. Now, obviously with a title like "She Wolves of the Wasteland" a person probably shouldn't expect too much. And they would be fully justified in feeling wary as this film consists of bad acting, cheap sets and corny dialogue. It does, however, have an abundance of bimbos in skimpy attire which may be a good thing or a bad thing depending on your particular mindset. I personally didn't mind the acting of Kathleen Kinmont or Persis Khambatta (as "Cobalt") or the skimpy attire on any of the young ladies. However, skimpy attire or not I could only take so much of the bad acting and awful combat scenes. But that's just me. In short, this movie might be good with a friend or two and lots of beer. Otherwise, it might be best to let this one go by. Below average.

If I remember correctly (and I may not - it's been years), I think Phoenix the Warrior (or She-Wolves of the Wasteland) was standard fare on the old USA UP All Night movie show. At the time, I thought it was a decent enough time waster, but then again, I was usually pretty inebriated when I watched it. Re-watching it last night, sober as a judge, I've changed my opinion drastically. What a bore! An hour and a half of the deadliest dull film I've seen in a long, long time. The acting is atrocious, the special effects are horrible, the music is annoying after about 3.4 seconds, the dialogue is cringey, and the sets are as cheap as you'll find. Throw in some really crappy, amateurish fight choreography and a plot that comes across like it was written by a drunken badger and you end up with one sorry excuse for a movie. I watch a lot of bad movies, but Phoenix the Warrior is too much. I really can't imagine enjoying something much less than I did this movie. It's a disaster!

Based on other comments I've read, I'm sure this one will get voted down on IMDb. It seems there is an audience out there who enjoys Phoenix the Warrior for the titulation it provides. I really feel sorry for anyone who watches this dreck for that reason. I suggest looking elsewhere.