Space Mutiny

Yeah, the film industry is not what is was when Ed Wood was directing, and B-movies don't get released in theaters anymore; but they do get released on video. And we should be glad that they do, at least in the case of Space Mutiny, 'cause it may be the single most unintentionally hilarious movie ever made. Don't believe me? Just take a look at these numbers:

# of times our ostensible "hero" screams in panic: 17

# of jumpsuited extras flung into the air with pneumatic catapults: 14

# of insertions of "Battlestar Galactica" footage: lost count around 40

# of previously seen shots edited in:15

# of times the Enforcers refer to each other as "idiots": 7

# of off-the-shelf glowing balls in the Bellarian scenes: 8

# of times Ryder or Kalgon yells at someone to "MOVE!" or "GO!": 26

# of occasions Kalgon starts laughing for no apparent reason: 18

# of minutes you get to watch grown men trying to kill each other with golf carts: 5

# of railing kills: 24 (may have missed a couple)

Don't pass up a chance to see this; one of these days, someone involved with it is going to get embarrassed enough about it to try and have all the copies destroyed.

Ah, Space Mutiny, definitely one of the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes, it's one of my favorites personally. I think the reason why this is such a great episode is due to the fact that this film is just so unbelievably bad, you know? I mean these are the kind of movies that you just look at and question constantly how it got green lighted since it's just such an awful film. I'm not just saying bad, I'm saying that there must have been about 5 million things wrong with this movie. There are tons and tons of continuity problems, a woman who dies in one scene, then the next scene she is a noticeable extra that's alive and well. The "hero" of the film has extremely horrible acting qualities, not to mention that he screams like a girl. The "sexy lady" of the story looks like she's in her late fifties and again, her acting is lousy. The "villain" won't stop with this ridiculous laughter. The story itself is just a bad one.

The people in space on the Southern Sun are supposedly happy and looking for a new world to create something new and peaceful. But some apparently have grown impatient, like Calgon(yeah, that's the villain's name, sad, isn't it?) and his "wise" followers. But the leader of the Southern Sun, who looks a lot like Santa Claus, wishes peace, so he assigns Dave Ryder to save the day. Along with Santa's daughter, Lea, she and Dave pretty much have to out maneuver Calgon, just for God's sake, who couldn't? I mean the man's body guard looks like a lobster.

Space Mutiny is just in general a very bad film. I mean Mystery Science Theater 3000 sometimes gets some movies that are not so bad, but Space Mutiny is one of those films that is all around just a bad mistake. I'm not sure if they people who made this movie really looked at it in the editing room and really thought that this was an excellent or decent movie. The acting, the editing, the continuity, THE COSTUMES, the sets, the actors, everything about this movie was just plain bad. The sounds and script was just so laughable. Space Mutiny is not even good enough to be a cult film, the only thing that this film was good for was just the fact that it made one of the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. But I have to admit that Calgon did blow me away, lol.

1/10

Flint IronStag, Bulk VanderHuge, Thick McRunFast...

How bad does a movie have to be when it can't even afford special FX, so it has to borrow visuals from a TV series like "Battlestar: Galactica"?

As bad as "Space Mutiny".

Blast HardCheese, Punch RockGroin, Buck PlankChest...

And this one is really bad. Scratch that: really really really REALLY bad. Bad like a room full of dirty socks. Bad like listening to Yanni music for the rest of your life. Bad like a prison haircut. Bad like that tux you wore to the prom.

Stump JunkMan, Dirk HardPec, Rip SteakFace...

The story might have worked (members of expedition to new planet revolt against captain, crew), but they blew it from the moment they used old Commodore graphics for the starting credits and an old Casio keyboard for the theme music.

Slate SlabRock, Crud BoneMeal, Brick HardMeat...

The cast helps nothing by containing the likes of such once-respected actors as Cameron Mitchell, James Ryan and John Phillip Law (yes, he was respected once) in the cast. The sight of Mitchell in his bushy white beard makes it look like he should be handing out toys to the cast and inviting them to sit on his lap.

Rip SlagCheek, Punch SideIron, Gristle McThornBody...

Has anyone seen Cisse Cameron in anything other than this movie? No? Probably a good thing, especially after watching her "seduction" scene with that bald guy and trying to dance seductively with a hula hoop. It's like watching your grandma in a strip club. Ewww....

Slate FistCrunch, Buff HardBack, Blast ThickNeck...

But the worst offenses are committed by "hero" Reb Brown, all beefed-up and steroid-enhanced as a space jock who screams, shouts, whines and will make no one forget Sam Jones when he played "Flash Gordon" so many years back.

Crunch ButtSteak, Slab SquatThrust, Lump BeefBroth...

And has anyone ever seen a spaceship with brick walls, warehouse windows and cement floors? Me neither. Jeez, even the old Roger Corman sci-fi flicks had better set design than this.

Touch Rustrod, Brief Blastbody, Big McLargeHuge...

And as if you haven't guessed, the only (and I mean ONLY) way you'll ever get any enjoyment out of this mess is by watching the MST3K version with Mike and the Robots throwing every last bit of pretension this flick had over one of its innumerable rails to the floor far below.

Smoke ManMuscle, Feet PunchBeef...

Two stars for "Space Mutiny", ten stars for the MST3K version (plus five special stars for all the superlatives for Brown).

...Bob Johnson?

There are so many comments on this, that it seems futile to do one of my own, but I do want to have a footprint of all the movies I see, so here it goes.

This movie is like those Jackie Chan films where the bad oiled hair European guy is laughing maniacally while torturing people and Jackie Chan kicks his ass. But instead of Jackie, you have a blond steroid addict that cries like a girl every time he does something. The action is placed in a big industrial warehouse and from time to time we see space scenes completely stolen from BattleStar Galactica. The commander of the space station looks like Santa, acts like Santa, but doesn't give one present the entire movie. The only special effects are colored beams and explosions. The final scenes show two electric cars colliding and exploding.

This is a truly bad film and it deserves its mark of 2 to put it in the Hall of Awful movies.

Watching "Space Mutiny" is the metaphorical equivalent of drinking cat urine...there's no way it can be any good for you, so why even try?

The special effects in this film are, I'm not kidding now, stock footage from Battlestar Galactica (played backwards, in some cases), or shot on what appears to be low-resolution video using models probably built from discarded "He-Man" toys. Unfortunately, that's about the best thing in the movie.

The acting...my God, the acting...I have NO idea who came up with this dialogue. Reb Brown is ridiculous, John Philip Law is absolutely NOT to be believed, and the rest of the cast, as well as the costumes, look like outtakes from an episode of Buck Rogers! (The second season...the really STINKY one!) The whole damned thing looks vaguely like a fever dream I had as a child after drinking sixteen cans of "Jolt"...and it's equally incomprehensible. My God, they actually announce the arrival of a pirate fleet by having some dope on a microphone say, "This is the pirate fleet...surrender or be turned into astro-dust." I think they shot the whole thing in a brewery with Go-Karts and used the same shot of a hops bin blowing up no less than four times. This movie has to be seen to be believed. I actually bought a copy for three dollars, just so I could show my friends that I was NOT making it up. Run, don't walk, away from this film.

0.0 stars out of a possible five.