Tiburón: asesino del mar

I'm still trying to decide which is the worst "monster in the water movie," this or Jaws 4. If you like having your head squeezed in a vice, this movie is for you. This movie is the Italians entry into the already crowded Jaws rip-off market. Their spin: the creature is an artificially created being that combines the deadly qualities of both a shark and an octopus. It was created by a mad scientist played by an actor who never really got the mad part or the scientist part down. Please notice the super-beefy sheriff deputy try to say his lines with one brain cell working overtime. Also notice the supposed "medical doctor" who looks either like a serial kidnapper or cult leader. After the first ten minutes you won't care how they catch the monster.

I actually saw Devil Fish long before its infamous MST3K showing. The majority of the horrible editing and pacing were actually from some kind of strange censoring in the print that MST used. There's a lot more gore and violence in th eoriginal cut. Now, don't misinterpret that as praise...Devil Fish is crap and I'm utterly blown away that Lamberto Bava ghost-directed this. Mario Bava must've spun in his grave. Granted, Lamberto has done some dumb movies, but Devil Fish is practically not even a movie...just random crap strung together with a bad storyline. The gore of the uncut version made it BARELY watchable, but not by much. It's still a hilarious movie, though, and MST did it right.

Moderate Italian killer-fish saga concerning a genetically created shark-squid thing munching on various extras and the marine biologists who go after it. Not enough excitement to keep things afloat plus some bad continuity (watch for the scene where a fleeing woman is tripped by the creature and her handy axe flies overboard, in the next shot it's a couple of inches away from her...) Not the horrible mess it's been made out to be, but simply boring.

This movie brings up many question that may plague generations to come. Such as: Did a seven year old edit this movie? What makes the electrician so appealing to two woman? Why did the ultra-skinny dolphin lady seem attractive to Electrician and Beer-Drinking Euro-Tantrum Guy? Why did the US Coast Guard agree to let their helicopters be used in this drek? At least in the MST3K version, we learned that Devil Fish comes with a side of Satanic string beans and Deep-Lucifered potatoes, and that you shouldn't make fun of Blowie the dolphin! If you see this movie anywhere, run! Far, far away!

I remember hiring this about ten years ago. There was a little slip left inside the video box. Written on it was an unsavory comment. Now I really had to see it. I only watched it for Michael Sopkiw, as he was an actor who fascinated me, but sadly he only did 7 films. This one is of grinning embarrassment. Oh how right the last renter was. But still, Italian cheapies are fun, and what is so amusing about this, is that the whole pathetic laughable affair is really taken seriously. It's like us, the audience have been tested to swallow his bologne. Now I happen to like this bologne, but not this bologne. We have a ginormous, and octopus, who can eat victims like Piranha, due to an experiment gone wrong. As you can guess, the victims die some pretty horrific deaths, may'be it would of been safer i Dinosaur Valley. The whole affair is unbelievably corny, though from the effort of the writers, we almost wish we could believe it. Here, watch it, but look at it more as a comedy, as it will come off better with you. This devil fish has nothing on Jaws.