The Hellcats

The folks behind "MST3K" must love the fact that there are so many bad movies, as it gives them material for their show. "The Hellcats" is one such movie. This muddled story about a biker gang getting revenge for someone's murder is about as coherent as lava is cold. The movie's whole purpose seems to be showing off buxom women wearing tight clothes. The dance numbers are meaningless, the motorcycle-riding scenes drag on for too long, and the dialog is incomprehensible. Oh, and there's also some blonde women whose reason for existence is to wear bikinis. So, it only makes sense that Joel, Servo and Crow had a great time mocking this movie, as they did with another Ross Hagen movie ("The Sidehackers"). Dreadful.

Before watching the MST3K version, I prepared myself to watch the original trailer and uncut version on the same DVD. The movie proper is meandering concerning plot, dialogue, and especially action scenes especially when a bike race is only heard while we're seeing close-up after close-up of what seems like bored spectators. There's also a couple of drunken/stoned orgy scenes that was probably the main reason for The Hellcats existence. You see some excitement at the end but by that time you'll simply be glad when it's all over. So unless you're curious about these late '60s drive-in fare, I wouldn't recommend this movie. Just the MST3K version will do for me which I'm going to review next...

Open at a biker funeral - then watch biker chick drive around for miles with 5 bucks worth of drugs in headlight - give to another biker to have them drive for miles burning up 10 dollars worth of gas - give to director guy and dog - Ross Hagen gets out of a plane to investigate what I don't know. Ross then drives around on bike for miles to some bar to listen to the bike song and drink beer then go to a field to drink and throw bugle boy into pond to hear him exclaim "Abbedopluliska a vont" then drive more after implied bike race, go to director's guy hangout then to waterfront while biker gang comes to the rescue at 27 MPH... AAUUUGGGGHHHH!!!

This is a bad movie even for Ross Hagen, and MST3K barely makes it tolerable.

Don't say you weren't warned!!

I watched this travesty of a movie on MST3K and I can tell you, even Joel and the robots can't save this mess of a movie. The movie starts with a little blurt of a plot about an undercover police officer who gets killed. The killed officer's brother and wife decide to infiltrate a biker gang to find who killed the officer. This all takes about 15 minutes to set up. The next hour will be filled by terrible "motorcycle riding" scenes (definate filler) a pointless booze, drug, orgy type thing, a stupid booze, drug, orgy picnic, a motorcycle race (where you don't get to see the race, just the spectators), a fight scene that may well have been choreagraphed by a retarded todler and finally a teensy bit of resolution for the "plot". The only thing I could think about during this movie is how much I wanted some of the copious amounts of booze they were inhaling, it would have made the movie hurt less.

It's worth watching if you feel like getting very drunk and laughing, but for just straight watching it's no Space Mutiny or Gamera.

Budget Steve McQueen (AKA Ross Hagen, of "Sidehackers" fame) romps his way through this tour de force as an undercover agent infiltrating a motorcycle gang in the hopes of avenging his brother's murder. And the very fact I could glean that much information by watching this movie is amazing given the complete lack of plot coherence (what am I saying? I mean complete lack of plot!) in this movie. Well, OK, I'll come clean. I cheated - I read the back of the video box.

Although not as pointlessly violent and nihilistic as "Sidehackers", "Hellcats" is a squalid film, showing the sixties in all its greasy grimy trashy squalor. This film and others like it are useful antidotes for the prevailing baby boomer nostalgia that would characterize that decade as one of peace, love, idealism, and truly selfless devotion a to great causes serving all of humanity. Let's not kid ourselves - the sixties reeked! Just ask Budget Steve! He was there! Right, B.S.?

By the way, it was interesting to see all the Coleman Francis alumni here, particularly the film's producer, Anthony Cardoza as a hapless artist.