Los Guerreros del Mundo Perdido

A "Star Wars"-style word scroll informs us that the nuclear war has been fought, leaving the Earth a post-apocalyptic wasteland, but the world we see in the movie isn't very wastelandy at all, what with all the scenic country roads and large office complexes. We meet "The Warrior" (Robert Ginty), a completely average and fairly loathsome guy who crashes his "Supersonic Speed Cycle" into a very obvious and easily avoidable wall. This convinces some fey, robe-clad elderly types that he is some sort of chosen one, so Fred "Hammer" Williamson and Persis "Star Trek" Kambata (with hair) enlist him to help save her Jimmy Carter-like father from the vaguely evil Prossor (enduring fav Donald Pleasance, great as always). What evil things Prossor is up to are unclear, although they involve lots of Nazi-looking guards who turn into dummies when they fall off of buildings. Plus he employs lots of leather-clad S&M dancers who stretch and gyrate all over each other, which doesn't seem very evil at all to me.

Anyhoo, despite his constant whining and lack of any discernible skills, The Warrior succeeds in saving Carter, only to leave Persis behind for no reason other than him being a total jerk. He and Carter go to a fight in the desert that looks like the one from the beginning of "Any Which Way You Can", save for the monkey pooping in squad cars. After fighting a bunch of random characters (ninjas, amazons, truckers, a lumberjack dwarf, a Divine look-a-like) he gets them all to unite to take on Prossor, who employs "Megaweapon" to demolish them. Megaweapon is a giant truck modified to spurt flames out it's front and- that's about it. It's really slow and clunky and easy to avoid, but it does manage to crush Warrior's incredibly annoying bike (which, I failed to mention, talks. In a Valley Girl voice. Ick.). Megaweapon easily out-acts the unintelligible Ginty.

Some other stuff happens and they rescue Persis, following which Mr. Warrior lays a big, wet, long, nauseating kiss on her, rubbing his livery lips and stubbly beard all over her entire face for several excruciating minutes. She seems to enjoy it, even though he's a twit who left her behind to die at Prossor's hands. Oh, and there's a plot twist that fails to make any sense or have any impact on the story, but at least they put forth the effort to have a twist.

I recommend this movie to any one who gets emotionally erect over explosions. There are lots of things blowing up, sometimes in luxurious slow motion. Sometimes we get to see the same explosion from many angles. It's pyro-porno.

I pride myself in my knowledge and appreciation of bad films. Back in the late 1970s, Harry Medved wrote an amazingly funny and brilliant book called "The 50 Worst Movies of All Time" and it kicked off the craze to see and appreciate bad films. I actually found and watched all fifty of the films from the book and then went in search for more awful films and decided to try watching IMDb's infamous Bottom 100 list. Not all of them are available and several have no subtitles or dubbing, so I cannot possibly see them all. However, I've seen a huge number of them and have noticed an annoying trend--nearly all the American films on the list were skewered on "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and MANY really bad films were never on this show--mostly because they couldn't get the royalties for all the films. Plus, other bad films have come out since the show ended. As a result, many absolutely horrid films NEVER appear on the list even though they are much worse than those featured on "MST 3000"...such as "Plan 9 From Outer Space", "They Saved Hitler's Brain", "Robot Monster", "The Room" and ALL of the films of Larry Buchanan, William Grefe and Ted Mikels! Clearly this list is NOT even close to being the 100 worst films...just the lowest rated and apparently the TV show's fans vote!

I say all this because although "Warrior of the Lost World" is a terrible film, I've seen hundreds of films that are worse. But it is bad...really bad. Part of it is because they somehow decided to use Robert Ginty in the lead. I am sure he was a nice guy but he wasn't leading man material and his biggest claims to fame had been supporting parts on the TV shows "Black Sheep Squadron" and "The Paper Chase". Also on hand are Donald Pleasance (who would appear in ANYTHING provided it paid) and Fred Williamson (ditto). As for the film itself, it really looks like it was done with almost no script--just a broad outline and lots of guys running around firing the weirdest sounding machine guns I've ever heard in a movie. And, our hero and his babe escaping again and again from some ill-defined enemy.

The bottom line is that YES this is a bad film with an excruciatingly low budget and little to recommend it. But it's not THAT bad...at least not Bottom 100 bad.

A hilariously bad rip off of Mad Max - dubbed "Sad Max" by Joel Hodgson on MST3K - about a jag-off loner, played by Robert "Paper Chase Guy" Ginty, who gets caught up in a plot by the Outsiders and their Elders to overthrow an evil government tyrant played by Donald Pleasance, who must have needed the money real bad, chosen because he is "pure in spirit" despite being a total prick with very little in the way of honor, courage, nobility, etc, yet somehow able to fly helicopters and shoot straight. In order to save the day, Paper Chase Guy has to recruit a rag tag group of idiots including geeks/Renegade Burger King Window Guys, a few soldiers, a black Nazi, white Ninjas, Amazons, truckers, a dwarf lumber-jack and "the Beige Berets". The late great Star Trek chick Persis Khmbata shows up as eye candy, also presumably because she must have needed the money really bad, and Fred Williamson plays a guy who starts out with the heroes but then turns out to be a villain. Lots of car crashes, people getting beaten up, run over, shot, blown to bits, etc.

More hilarious ineptitude than you can shake a stick at, this was one of the best Mystery Science Theatre 3000 rift fests ever. It should be viewed no other way.

It is physically impossible to comprehend the joy I felt in my heart watching MegaWeapon crush that annoying talking motorcycle!

The main character sucked. Everyone but donald Pleasance also sucked. Still, it was worth more than a few laughs.

What do you get when you add Donald Pleasance, a cute girl, Jimmy Carter, and the Paperchase guy? A good movie, right? WRONG! You get an hour and a half of sleep. Although, there is a bright side to the film (surprised?): MegaWeapon!!! If you are a fan of MST3K than you'll love the riffs on this disasterpiece. "Frank, push the button."