God's Little Acre

What this and "Tobacco Road," Erskine Caldwell's other magnum opus, have in common is a portrait of the Deep South as populated by a people with a collective IQ of about 50. There's Robert Ryan as the clueless patriarch convinced that his granddaddy buried gold treasure on his land; he's a God-lovin' cuss but a hypocrite, forever changing his life rules to accommodate his avarice. There's Buddy Hackett (of all people) as a sheriff candidate who can't even paint an "N" correctly, in love with one of Ryan's nubile daughters. Characters have names like Ty Ty and Darlin' Jill, to make them more folksy, I guess, and the themes are greed and lust, most particularly between Tina Louise (the camera lovingly caressing her breasts at every turn) as Ty Ty's sassy daughter-in-law, desperately craving her brother-in-law, Aldo Ray. Tina Louise was sho' 'nuff all woman, and Aldo Ray all man, and I'll long remember their encounter at the water pump. The characters' collective idiocy gets on one's nerves, and the various conflicts resolve themselves entirely unconvincingly, but it's not a total loss. Ernest Haller's handsome black-and-white widescreen photography does capture the heat and grime of the cotton fields, and Elmer Bernstein's score is very good fake Copland.

IN this era, when sex is easy, it's great to see all that inhibited lust steaming out over the screen. Aldo Ray and Tina Louise did one jam-up job of showing their passion for one another. Actually, Robert Ryan almost upped the ante from his '7 Days in May' stint where he lectured on the devil women sucking out the vital juices from the soldiers under his command. (That's true, you know. We women would rather suck out vital juices than just about anything.) Anyway, see this back to back with Tobacco Road, and you'll understand completely why all these Yankees think we're products of incest and can barely put 4 grammatical phrases together. No wonder, I am continually fighting off the prejudices of people who are amazed that I wear shoes and didn't marry my 1st cousin.

The writing in here is great: Robert Ryan plays a beautiful balance between an obsessed redneck who is trying to find his grandpappy's gold on his property, and his restrained longing for his son's daughter. His goodness screams out in his scene with his cotton broker son, who made it big. As my own evangelist cousin says, "We call him 'MMM"...our Miserable Millionaire Miser."

And Michael Landon, as the albino teen-ager, scared of the violence from these raging men who have kidnapped him to divine the gold.....what a sight!! Jack Lord, in his pre-Hawaiian Eye days is all wrathful, as he watches his beauteous wife with the NATURAL cleavage longing for the drunken Aldo Ray. Hard to believe the change, but the analogy between the tearing up the yard and sacrificing the peace of his family for the gold hunt...and today's all materialistic, 'if it ain't business, it ain't nothing', lifestyle.....is fantastic....rite smart writin'.

Check it out for a movie that SHOULD be colorized if ever there was one. And that house looks just my Aunt Mattie Seals' home in Talbot County, jawja!!!!! Boy, do I miss it!

Never mind that the front yard has more holes than no-man's land after a WWI artillery barrage. Or that Pluto's up-and-down pump appears to drive Darlin' Jill into censored delight. Or that the rotund Pluto appears to be running for sheriff of Disneyland. No, this is not the deep South of Rhett and Scarlett; it's the cartoon South of Dog Patch and Lil' Abner. Take drop-dead sexy Griselda who delivers water to sweating boys in a see-through dress. Or, patriarch Ty-Ty, God's very own real estate agent. And, of course, mustn't forget Darlin' Jill with her own ideas about how to integrate the South. Don't get me wrong—this first half is mildly amusing with its exaggerated characters and heavy breathing, much like an R-rated cartoon.

And, had the screenplay followed through with this comedic style, a mildly memorable movie could have resulted. But it's like someone suddenly decided the movie needed to really "serious up". So, we get a second half that's more like over-heated Tennessee Williams than Al Capp's riotous Dog Patch. I don't know if all that contrived staging around the cotton mill is supposed to deliver a "message", but it's sure as heck heavy-handed and out of sync with the first half. Plus, there's that typical 50's ending that ties up every loose end in unbelievably happy fashion. I don't know which of the many versions (thanks to censors of the time) I saw, but I doubt any combination of this bi-polar disorder could work. Too bad, since it's a rare stab at departure for that strait-jacketed decade.

(In passing—I do like how Ty-Ty's manic mining for his father's gold gets resolved. We discover that despite appearances, he knows there's no buried gold. Instead, he keeps digging in order to "keep the family together" and the memory of his dad alive. He's not crazy— he just has a wacky way of expressing his "family values". Still, I don't think I'd hire him to do my gardening.)

Wowza! For 1958 this would have been a "must see" for any man or child past puberty just to see the lustful but married Griselda Walden (Tina Louise) in her first film role where she has three (3) horny men vying for her attention. the three (3) men who were hot and horny for Griselda were her husband Buck Walden (Jack Lord), the already married Will Thompson (Aldo Ray), and her slimey widower brother-in-law Jim Leslie (Lance Fuller).

This film had several actors/actresses who went on to much bigger A-lister stars of both television and film. Stars such as Michael Landon, Jack Lord, Tina Louise, and Vic Morrow. Additionally the film had veteran film stars such as Robert Ryan who was the widowed clan leader named Ty Ty of the misfortune Walden clan, as well as Buddy Hackett and Fay Spain.

Although the story focuses on the clan father Ty Ty Walden's fixation that he has a pile of gold buried somewhere on his farm land by his own grandfather, Ty Ty has spent the past fifteen (15) years digging crater sized holes all around his farm with two (2) of his sons who he insists they help him dig to eventually reap the benefits.

The real gold mine though really lies in the gorgeous body of Ty Ty's busty daughter-in-law Griselda Walden (Tina Louise), who has her husband seeded in deep jealously that Griselda still has eyes for her brother-in-law Will Thompson (Aldo Ray), and her other brother-in-law Jim Leslie (Lance Fuller) who has disowned his own family after marrying into money only to become a wealthy widower who tries to bully and buy the sexy Griselda away from her husband (and his own brother) Buck.

I thought the best scene in the film is late one hot and steamy night when the sexpot Griselda steps outside in a flimsy slip showing off all her curves and wares and she sponge bathes herself from the water well while her lusting brother-in-law Will Thompson cannot bear it any longer watching her from a distance and pining for her embrace, so they cautiously hide on two corners of the farm's outer walls hoping not to be discovered and then we see it...the embrace and the groping and then "the kiss". It is a lustful moment where every man and boy in the theater watching this film must have broken out in a maddening cheer, wishing they were Will Thompson groping Griselda.

Back to the gold digging and the rest of the dysfunctional Walden clan who decide they have had enough digging for some fictitious non-existent gold who finally decide to sow their farm land and grow crops and live happily ever after. But wait, while digging the soil up to plant seed father Ty Ty hits something below the land surface that tinged a metal sound. What will he find below this time?

I give God's Little Acre a 7 out of 10 IMDB rating.

Apparently, when "God's Little Acre" first came out, much of it was cut for the theatrical release. Watching the unedited version, one can see why (needless to say, it's all pretty tame to us in the 21st century). Part of it is Tina Louise's very presence - I mean, what man wouldn't want to be stranded on an island with Ginger Grant? - but there's also a scene where Buddy Hackett works a pump for a woman in a bathtub (if that scene isn't a double entendre, then I don't know what is!).

As for the movie itself, this story of a Georgia farmer (Robert Ryan) getting convinced that thar's gold in them thar holes in his garden does quite well. The idea of him tearing up his garden is an effective parallel for how the family gets torn up in the process. As for his friendship with the African-American guy, it's probably debatable whether they were sugar-coating race relations, or if they were encouraging tolerance. There could even be debates about how the movie portrays the South in general (the characters do come across as hicks).

But overall, I recommend this flick. Usually, it would sort of weaken the movie to know that some of the cast members later became famous on TV shows - especially since one was known for seducing romantically incompetent men on a certain island - but they all do very well here. This is certainly a movie worth seeing. And the theme song will probably get stuck in your head. Also starring Aldo Ray, Jack Lord, Fay Spain, Vic Morrow and Michael Landon.