Hotel de criminales

Greetings again from the darkness. The feature film directorial debut of Drew Pearce is original and clever, while teasing with hope for a bit more than it delivers. Mr. Pearce is best known for writing the screenplay for IRON MAN 3, and now as a first time director, he shows enough promise to leave us interested in what comes next.

The film is set in dystopian Los Angeles a mere 10 years in the future. The streets are flooded with desperate rioters after a mega-corporation shuts off the clean water supply. The company is the film's real villain, and the only one that The Nurse (Jodie Foster) can't treat. See, she runs Hotel Artemis, an underground hospital for top tier criminals - the element that can't just pop into the local community clinic for treatment on the latest bullet hole or knife wound. These patients follow a subscription plan and must stay current on their dues to gain admission.

The Nurse forgoes any attempt at personal vanity and is instead an agoraphobic, booze-chugging, (mostly) stick-to-the-rules type, who pops in anti-anxiety tapes and ear buds whenever her pulse quickens. She has run the place since it opened 22 years prior and is assisted by a mountain of man named Everest (get it?) played well by Dave Bautista. He's a combination bodyguard, bouncer, handyman and assistant healthcare professional (check his badge).

The set design by Ramsey Avery deserves special mention as the Hotel Artemis is quietly housed in the shell of a former grand art deco hotel, now a victim to the city's carnage - though the neon sign remains illuminated. Its vacation spot-themed rooms are a sight to behold, despite the frustratingly low lighting. Occupants are incognito and use their room names as identifiers. Sterling K Brown is Waikiki, a philosophical bank robber who dragged his brother Honolulu (Brian Tyree Henry) here for treatment after a heist went wrong. Acapulco (the always energetic Charlie Day) is a crass, motor-mouthed arms dealer, while Nice (Sofia Boutella, THE MUMMY) is a freakishly skilled assassin.

The stress level picks up when the biggest crime lord of Los Angeles shows up seriously wounded. Known as The Wolf King, an admittedly bad choice for a nickname, Jeff Goldblum brings some smooth-talking toughness, humor and twisted class to the proceedings. More than a few tentacles are attached to The Wolf King and other folks we've previously met, not the least of which is a very special ink pen stolen by Honolulu. Mix in an injured cop (Jenny Slate) with a personal link to The Nurse and her constantly alluded to tragic backstory, and the movie puts off a Graphic novel vibe ... missing only the off-the-cuff insanity. It's just a bit too grounded for its own good.

The high tech/low rent feel forces us to recall BLADE RUNNER AND ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, but of course, this film isn't at the level of either, as it lacks top tier suspense. It is a terrific reminder of what a talented actress two-time Oscar winner Jodie Foster is, and what a shame that we haven't seen her in such a substantial screen role since 2013's ELYSIUM. She really sinks her teeth into this odd character, and more than the action scenes, she keeps us interested the entire run time. The score is a bit too heavy on the droning electronic bass line, and while the Florida joke and nod to John Phillips (The Wolf King, "California Dreamin'") earns some bonus points, it's really the performance of Ms. Foster and the set design that saves a too-safe script.

Hotel Artemis is a film which doesn't do a great deal wrong. However, it is also a film which doesn't do a great deal right. It just kind of hangs in mid-air, with clichéd characters acting in clichéd ways and having clichéd conversations. And then it ends. It's not actually about anything. It's also predictable, with precious little substance. It looks pretty though.

In 2028, riots are tearing Los Angeles apart. The film takes place primarily in the eponymous Hotel Artemis, a secret hospital for criminals in the heart of the city. The motley crew of characters, many of whom are known only by the name of the room in which they're staying, include Waikiki (Sterling K. Brown) and his brother Honolulu (Brian Tyree Henry), bank robbers who have been involved in a shootout with police; Nice (Sofia Boutella), an assassin who "only kills important people", and just so happens to be Waikiki's ex-girlfriend; and Acapulco (a spectacularly miscast Charlie Day), a weapons dealer and all round weasel. Also present are The Wolf King (Jeff Goldblum), Los Angeles's most feared gangster, who also finances the hospital; his incompetent son, Crosby (an underutilised Zachary Quinto); and Morgan (Jenny Slate), a cop injured in the riots. The hospital is run by "Nurse" (Jodie Foster), an agoraphobic alcoholic haunted by visions of her past, with porter duties handled by Everest (Dave Bautista). The hospital functions because all guests must adhere to a rigid set of rules (the first of which is "don't kill the other patients") and a strict no weapons policy.

Sounds pretty interesting doesn't it? It's not. The dialogue is awful, the narrative beats can be seen coming a mile away, and the characters are all architypes, with only Nurse really fleshed out to any degree. There's the loud-mouth snivelling weapons dealer, the gorgeous but oh-so-deadly assassin, the criminal kingpin and his screw-up son who just wants to be like dad, the skilled bank robber who spends most of his time trying to get himself out of the trouble caused by his unreliable brother, and the tough-as-old-boots medical professional who just wants to help people when in actual fact, she's beyond help herself. The premise may be reasonably interesting, but, in his debut feature, writer/director Drew Pearce undermines it by populating the milieu with cardboard cut-outs instead of characters. True, most of the actors give it their all (Bautista in particular gives a performance far superior to the material with which he has to work), but there's just no substance here, no depth. There are simply too many clichés at every level to be able to overlook them.

Yes, it's an original(ish) idea made with a small(ish) budget, which is exactly what we need more of these days, when every second film is a CGI-infested remake, comic book adaptation, or sequel (or a CGI-infested remake of a sequel to a comic book adaptation). However, an original idea is all very well and good, but it can only take you so far; the execution has to be there as well, and this is where Hotel Artemis falls down. It's simply not an especially well-made film. Pearce does a reasonably good job with the directorial side of things, as aesthetically, the hotel is really intriguing, with a nice use of primary colours and a well-conceived juxtaposition of modern technology and 3D printers with retro décor and secret passages. In terms of plot, however, there's just nothing to latch onto or get your teeth into. None of the characters really do or say anything very interesting, and a half-hour into the film, as it became increasingly apparent that none of them were going to be developed to any great degree, I just stopped caring.

In a dark version of the future the streets are violent and the police corrupt. The hotel Artemis is a haven where wealthy people of a dubious nature can get themselves patched up.

The idea sounds great and the star of the show should be the hotel. I expected the hotel to be some kind of interesting ecosystem where the privileged and the scum of the underworld are forced to rub shoulders.

This happens to a small extent but the film concentrates more on the characters, which would be OK if the characters weren't so lame.

After twenty seconds of dialogue you know exactly what each character is about and you can predict if, when and how each one will die. **What you mean the sexy fem fatal isn't a helpless bimbo but is in fact a one woman army in stilettos! Well blow me down!**

Jodie Foster is (predictably) awesome and has the only character of any merit. Everyone else talks poo for a while, killing time until the inevitable fight at the end.

This is not a bad movie, it just sounded like it would be something different but is actually a hash of a cheesy, generic 80/90's Sci-fi flick that could easily have stared Van Damme.

The production is pretty good and there is some fun to be had here it is is just painfully predictable and feels tired.

Maybe it's just me but I've not heard any buzz surrounding this movie and with the actors involved I figured it was due to its lackluster entertainment value. Not only was I surprised, I thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish and highly recommend it.

Shocked at the low score and haters for this really entertaining film. Writer and making his major film directorial debut Drew Pearce, did an outstanding job on both fronts. The all star cast where excellent, funny and entertaining. The cinematography was perfect and the sets where on point. The story was done really well considering it was primarily based inside one floor of a building. Much better than I expected. A well deserved 8/10 from me.