Backwoods

With the opening credits being as awful as they were with the terrible music, and blurred shaky cam, and knowing its a theme that's been done a lot before I thought it'd be truly awful. I thought I'd be 1 star for sure!

It's a B-Movie for sure, and with the women being caught "for breeding" it's not the best nor the most original film about, but it's watchable and entertaining. It's not overly cheesy once it gets going. The actors are decent enough, honestly I was expecting worse.

It has some nice touches for making sense. It's a company retreat, they thought the other team was being over competitive when some stuff started to not add up. They try to be sensible and call for help.

I like horror films to make me jump or scream. This one did. Yes, it's the same basic premise we've seen many times in this type of movie, but the plot isn't really what I watch these movies for. Also, there's plenty of new twists/elements in this one. This movie really had me cheering for the "good guys" - I was glad I'd watched it by myself, as the last 20 minutes or so really had me screaming at the TV, cheering the kids on. I really enjoyed watching this movie, and am buying a copy to share with my horror loving friends. Backwoods was apparently produced for Spike TV, so don't expect to see much in the way of blood and gore. (Needless to say, there's no nudity whatsoever.) Some old-fashioned traps make the chase scenes through the forest somewhat interesting, but I pretty much relied on Haylie Duff's hotness to get me through the film's 80 minute runtime (although I must admit I got quite a kick out of watch a mortally wounded techie put on an amazing show of shooting bad guys without even aiming.) If you're a horror fan, Backwoods is certainly a watchable film, but you won't see anything here you haven't seen before.

And no, not horrible for the violence/gore. This movie is just plain horrible because of the acting, directing, cinematography and far-fetched storyline. I strongly DON"T recommend this film to you because: 1: The story line is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Since when has work been playing paintball in the woods?! 2: Furthering my point of ridiculousness, a cult in the woods run by crazy old women. HUH?? 3: The acting is really bad. So bad, it probably would have been better if Paris Hilton was in it. 4: It's predictable to a high level. 5: It doesn't even meet the standards of a B grade movie which it is trying to be.

So don't be fooled by the "Haylie Duff" on the cover because she is probably the only decent actor in the film but she is hardly in it. If you want to see a decent movie about the woods, see "Wrong Turn" which makes a lot more sense and provides a lot more scares than this disaster of a movie.

Released to TV in 2008, "Backwoods" stars Haylie Duff and Ryan Merriman as employees of a video game company in Los Angeles partaking in paint ball games on a company retreat. They're mistaken for Federal agents by a Waco-like religious cult who apprehend young women to impregnate. Havoc ensues. Craig Zimmerman plays the company leader and Deborah Van Valkenburgh the matriarch of the cult. Mimi Michaels and Willow Geer are on hand as female eye candy. There are many others; too numerous to cite.

The movie plays like a mishmash of "Wrong Turn" (2003), "Hostel" (2005) and similar movies, but is limited by its TV budget and constraints. Amazingly, production-wise it's on par with "Wrong Turn" (which wasn't anything great to begin with, but it was at least passably good) and, as a result, has better women, locations and music, but a weaker script and blasé filmmaking. To be more specific about the positives: The opening & closing metalized song is excellent; the cast is good, highlighted by Willow's curvy beauty and Duff's striking features; and, like I said, the wilderness locations are great.

Unfortunately, the movie often plays in a routine and not-thought-out way. For instance, would the cult advertise the entrance to their secret underground compound with can't-miss-them concrete entrances and air vents? Wouldn't they more likely make these features blend-in with the environment? Would a guy impaled by several wooden spikes be able to shoot a rifle at the hip as accurately as shown? Also, the ending leaves one element up in the air and reflects an all-around absence of imagination. Still, if you like the redneck slasher genre there are enough positives here to make it worth checking out. Just bear in mind that when the most imperative question about a movie is "Who's the hot redhead at the beginning?" it's not a good sign.

The movie runs 85 minutes and it looks like it was shot in wilderness areas in greater Los Angeles (but I can't confirm it).

GRADE: C

A couple camping in the woods is attacked by mountainmen. The girl is abducted to be a breeder. Later, Johnny Dash organizes a paint ball corporate retreat for his workers at a video game company. The store clerk directs the group to the same area in the woods where the couple was taken. Soon, their paint ball game turns deadly and the group is imprisoned in the underground bunker where the locals manufacture drugs.

This is a standard low-grade horror. There is blood but not much gore. There is violence but not well done. The actors are mostly B-level as indicated by the presence of Haylie Duff. It's a functional cheap horror that has nothing new or special. It works but only barely. It is all relatively amateurish except for a few solid old-fashion burning and falling stunts.