Hillside Cannibals

Alright, I was in Blockbuster today on my lunch break and spotted to preview sleeves for this (both copies were actually rented out). It claimed to be the tale that inspired the Hills Have Eyes. Um, WHAT?! That is the most bogus claim I've ever read! Hey director/script writer: watch the documentary on the original Hills Have Eyes (1977) 2-disk by Anchor Bay. In it, Wes Craven states that the inspiration for the Hills Have Eyes was a cave-dwelling medieval (sp?) family in the British Isles (the Seaney-Beane family I believe). Wes Craven should sue the hell out of the "production company" of this "film" for libel! I am insulted that anyone would try to cash in on film-renters' ignorance of a subject by just plain lying. I came across another video box for "When A Killer Calls" which claims to be more like the urban legend (the babysitter and the man upstairs) than the original When A Stranger Calls. RUBBISH! I CALL SHINANIGANS!!

A group of idiots go into the desert hills to party, drink, and smoke pot, not knowing that these hills have cannibal rednecks living in them in this "Hills Have Eyes" clone that only the Asylum can make. The Asylum is widely regarded as being heavily synonymous was complete and utter crap, and with good reason as most, if not all, of their films are practically unwatchable, this one being no exception. Personally, I'm glad that of all these Asylum abominations that I've seen, I haven't paid for any of them (well OK yeah I have indirectly through Netflix & premium cable but I digress) Not.worth your times, money or loss of sanity to watch this.

This film isn't that bad. Though is could have been better. The acting is weak for a horror movie, half the time people just looked annoyed rather than scared. On the other hand, if you LIKE your movies someone amusing and silly (and there are times when that is exactly what I am looking for) then this movie is for you.

What I did want to comment on was the above poster saying that Craven should sue. IF you would have actually looked at the movie jacket a bit closer you would see that the working title is actually "Hillside Cannibals: The Legend of SAWNEY BEAN. You would also then realize that is exactly who Craven said inspired his movie, "The Hills have Eyes." I don't know...not to be rude, but maybe you should do a bit of research before jumping the gun. The movie takes liberties with the legend of the Bean family, but since there is nothing in the way of hard evidence to corroborate whether or not the Bean family actually existed, it is pretty obvious that both the director of this movie and Craven himself have taken liberties with the retelling of the story.

Quite possibly the worst movie I have EVER seen. The Zappa reference is to a song he performed called "Cheapness" (he may have deliberately misspelled it, but I don't remember how.) On the live version of the song he introduced it with a Frank-esque discussion of "cheap" monster movies and how inept performances made them "great"--to laugh at. This was released well after Frank passed. Just goes to show he was ahead of his time.

Funny, as this masterpiece was ending, and the credits were rolling, I had to wonder who is SO desperate as to actually WANT their name on this picture in any way.

I only gave no stars because the selection menu did not offer negative numbers.

It's tough to criticize this movie because really I knew what I was getting into with the lame cover art and the complete lack of a description on the back (the back of the DVD case is just a retelling of the Sawney Bean clan). Still, I was hoping for either something that was so bad it was funny or at least so bad it was amusing.

Instead, this is just so bad it's tedious. It's not a bad looking movie like most of the other shot-on-video productions that go straight to video, and there are some decent gore effects here or there, but the whole time it feels like the cast and crew are just sleepwalking through the thing for a paycheck. There's not a scent of originality here whatsoever - the whole plot was lifted from the original "The Hills Have Eyes", only without the fleshed out characters or compelling antagonists. Speaking of the antagonists - what the heck are a bunch of kilt wearing cave people doing in the mountains of California? Did I miss that explanation? Did I miss the explanation of why they behave like a high school production of The Flinstones? Yawn.

The only redeeming thing about this movie was trying to guess whether or not the lead actress was wearing a wig or not. I vote for yes. Either that or she should never work with her stylist from this flick ever again.

Congratulations, Asylum, you have suckered me once, but this is the last time I am using my hard-earned cash on one of your cop out excuses for cinema.