Onda alien

Utterly bonkers movie regarding a 'shock jock' at the local radio station finding himself in danger (like the girl who cried fire to get attention then burnt to death) because aliens invade the radio studios and start collecting women (including busty waitress Cookie played by once-upon-a-time Full Moon favourite Charlie Spradling) in conical vases. Ted Nicolaou, a veteran of Full Moon films including some of their best really screws this up with lazy-haphazard and purposeless direction while the script by Charles Band and Jackson Barr (probably not a real person) is certainly among the formers' worst efforts. Tim Thomerson's Dollman character is credited and I was confused how I had missed his cameo but stay tuned until the credits finish for a relatively amusing brief Dollman extra scene. The aliens are ridiculous, one a scale covered monster, another a small tin robot that looks like it was a reject from the acclaimed Smash Potato Mix adverts. Truly rubbish film but intriguing and amusingly painful in equal measures.

Yes, of course the movie is campy, ridiculous, pointless and under budget. But it is a gem in the Early full moon vault. I love it! Own it and watch it from time to time. IT makes me chuckle. Much better than many of the Recent jokes Full Moon is releasing.....Hard to find...however, check Ebay....

6 out of 10

Well, you certainly won't expect Citizen Kane renting this movie, but it's mildly entertaining. Martha Quinn really needed to have a better agent, given this and other career killers, but her chemistry with Paul Hipp (Dangerous Dan O'Dare) is enjoyable. The goal of the rest of movie is one thing pure and simply: titillation, and it doesn't accomplish that. The rock video visions, which I'm sure were intended to give a rock-n-roll edge to the movie, simply detracted.

This is by far, one of the silliest movies I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. I mean, it was so asinine I just *had* to rent it on three separate occasions to prove to different groups of friends that such a monstrosity could be made! It was released in 1992, but feels more like it was made in 1982!

The `hero' is the `bad boy' or radio, Dangerous Dan O'Dare. Dan treats his listeners to publicity stunt after publicity stunt, with the odd 80's glam rock song thrown in for good measure. An alien lands in what appears to a giant novelty light-up yo-yo and proceeds to take over the radio station which just happens to have a nation-wide broadcasting range on frequency 66.6.

The alien uses the radio signals and the sound of Dan's voice to target young women listening to the station, and capture them in little glass tubes. However, before the women are transported, they hallucinate that they're in music videos which take place in the locations they're at. There's nothing funnier than seeing some rockers straight out of the 80's appear in a diner and try to give a convincing performance.

Naturally, a movie of this calibre is full of holes. Dan figures out pretty early on that his voice was being used to target the women, but instead of shutting up, he goes on and on describing the aliens and telling people not to listen, which, of course, they ignore and keep on doing.

I laughed at the cliché small-town cop who must have been paid a set amount each time he discredited the alien's existence. The entire town he's patrolling says they saw an alien, and several of the women were reported having vanished into thin air. But this cop chalks it up to them all being drunk or something. Even when he sees the alien first hand he gives the `sarcastic cop' routine, and tells everyone to move along.

The `music videos' are all terrible, covering all sorts of the least favourable genres. Glam rockers invade the diner, a grunge band causes a ditzy cheerleader to seductively gyrate during band practice, and the crème de la crème, Psychotik Sinfony performs a clown metal piece in the hospital, causing a nun to mosh and play bass guitar.

Back in the operating room, the doctor is operating on a patient who earlier was infected by the alien fungus. When the nurse suddenly disappears, the patient bolts up in amazement. Which begs two questions; what kind of doctor lets his nurse listen to Dan O'Dare while he's performing delicate surgery, and why the hell didn't he use any anaesthetic on the patient!?

The climax is about the least exciting thing in the whole movie. Dan accidentally discovers that fungicide hurts the alien, and the radio station just happens to have a whole box of it! Dan frees the women by randomly playing with the alien's controls and the alien splits open revealing a weird Venus-flytrap-like monster within. Together, Dan and the women they stand around within arm's reach of the alien and spray it with fungicide in the least dramatic way possible. Dan tries to liven things up by shouting `die you rat ba**ard' a few times, but it has no effect.

The reason for the alien capturing the women is never explained, nor does anyone ever consider looking for the space ship that landed only about a mile away. If the radio station was broadcasting nation-wide, why were the only people being abducted from the surrounding town? And how did the alien infect the guy at the beginning before it had even landed?

I could go on for ages, but it'd simply be easier if you were to go out and rent it yourself. You'd at least expect the movie's description on the box sleeve to at least attempt to make it sound like a scary sci-fi horror feature, instead touts it as a `hilarious rock and roll adventure of sci-fi comedy'. You know something's wrong when even the box sleeve doesn't take it seriously.

I had never heard about this 1992 horror sci-fi comedy titled "Bad Channels" before now in 2023, as I happened to stumble upon the movie by random chance. And of course I opted to sit down and watch it, on account of it being a movie that I hadn't already seen.

Writers Charles Band and Jackson Barr put together something definintely unique and strange here. But it was working out in favor of the movie, because the storyline was so corny and cheesy that it was actually a fun movie to watch.

I wasn't familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie, but the actors and actresses put on good performances to bring their characters to life on the screen.

The special effects in "Bad Channels" were actually working out well in favor of the movie. Some of the special effects were pretty bad, but still worked out fair enough as they were so bad that they became fun to behold on the screen. And then other effects were rather nicely made, such as the creature seen towards the end of the movie.

If you enjoy a sci-fi horror comedy that doesn't take itself particularly serious, then give director Ted Nicolaou's 1992 movie "Bad Channels" a chance. I was definitely entertained by this cheesy early 1990s movie.

My rating of "Bad Channels" lands on a five out of ten stars.