Cabin Fever: The New Outbreak

So I take most movies as what they are, entertainment. But sometimes you can't help but get annoyed with stupidity/lack of common sense. This "update" really just "modernizes" the original Cabin Fever staying pretty true to the story line a some minor changes here and there... I was alright with this movie and tried to put up with it but Eli Roth has an ability to make his characters seem like the DUMBEST living sentient beings in the world. In the world of Horror movies, I understand, the people have to be lower than average intelligence and lack common sense so that the plot will progress cause instead of knocking on the door of a trailer so you can use the phone for help, the character decides to "peek" in through a window in stead EVEN tho all the lights are on... so the inhabitants obviously don't listen to his pleas for help cause they seem him as a sexual predator.

I was kind of excited for this cause the original Cabin Fever was (IMO) a ground breaking piece of indie horror, it came out during the time when indie films were coming out of the shadows and actually gaining momentum. But this movie, I tried to stick it out, I really tried but there are levels of stupidity in this that "cringe" is a gross understatement. If you saw the original Cabin Fever and liked it, give this one a go! It's not entirely bad. But if you haven't seen the original first...

WATCH THE ORIGINAL FIRST, PLEASE!!!

and Mr. Roth, please inject just a meager amount of common sense into your characters, please?

Cabin Fever is just another one of those movies where studio executives thought, "Hey, the original was good so why not milk the f*ck out of the name and release heaps of garbage, call them sequels, and the money will come." Now this reboot comes along with the exact same script as the original so I figure the execs were just like, "F*ck it, why even try?" And it shows. The good news is that this isn't a theatrical release - it's limited on-demand or something so thankfully a majority of people won't be aware of this abomination's existence. But for those who are, let me affirm your suspicions: this movie blows.

First off, none of these people should be allowed to act ever again. I hesitate to call them actors because I saw no semblance of acting on screen. The characters are unlikable and annoying, which is weird because I don't remember hating them in the original. I didn't care if any of them died; in fact I wanted them all to die so the movie would end as quickly as possible. It literally goes down the horror movie cliché checklist. The cabin in the woods schtick, clueless college kids, creepy guy at a gas station, perfunctory sex scenes, loud sound effects to make you jump, etc. Hell, even the gore is lame. Patient Zero had better gore effects.

Please don't watch this movie. It makes Patient Zero look like The Dark Knight. Watch the original if you want, or literally any other Eli Roth movie. I don't blame Roth for this mess because I'm pretty sure he just signed off on it, made some green and never thought about it again. It doesn't even have his signature silly style. It tries to take itself seriously and it fails miserably. Then they shoehorn in some jokes that aren't funny at all, and you laugh at how horribly they were delivered, and then you'll contemplate what you're doing with your life. It's a chore to watch, seriously.

Cabin Fever is just another byproduct of the horror remake craze. Avoid at all costs.

This movie should not have been made. It does nothing new, different or even remotely better than the admittedly average original. Had it been Evil Dead-remake caliber, we would have been in for something special. But everything from the acting to the gore has taken a considerable hit with this remake as to effectively make it Cabin Fever-lite. This movie doesn't even try to be original in its retelling of the film, as the same basic set-up (and even some of the dialogue) has been reused and recycled to ill-effect. Worst part of it all? Save for a few of the actors, the performances were atrocious. Honesty, I have seen found-footage films with better acting than what some of these no-talents pulled off. The movie was limited in its vision, and toning down the gore does a disservice to everything that was good about the original film. It's just basic in almost every way, and really is a waste of resources. If you didn't believe Eli Roth was a hack before, you certainly will after watching this mess. Not recommended, even if you have absolutely nothing else to watch.

The original Cabin Fever wasn't a great movie by any means, but had fun with itself while showcasing some convincing gory effects; a low budget body horror about a cast of dumb college age couples (and the odd man out) succumbing to a terrible flesh-eating disease in the woods. The 2016 version is just a modernization of the original, hitting all of the same story beats but giving our characters smart phones, automatic rifles, and pop culture references a-plenty. One character in particular is so unlikable that I wouldn't blame anybody for switching the movie off after enduring a few scenes with this guy. Overall, it's bland, visually unexciting, and doesn't replace the original in any way.

I mean what the hell. Remaking movies that're less than 15 years old... What's next?