Bikini Car Wash

This was poorly written, and the acting was just below b-movie standards.

The soundtrack was ok, but whoever edited this needs to go back to school, because the soundtrack is annoyingly always playing even while people are talking and it seems like it's in the foreground instead of the background.

I watched this movie with a friend who said it would be worth the watch because it had a respectable star rating( I can't remember what it was at the time) and several stellar reviews. At the time of me writing this, my first review, the star rating has dropped to 3.2 and popularity has dropped 372%. So it is quite clear that this movie is headed down into the 2's, which I consider generous, or maybe even the 1's.

I don't know if this dog is the worst movie I have ever seen, but I can't recall any that are as bad. I won't bother going into all the details of what made this a bad movie. That would take far too long. Instead I will focus on the redeeming qualities....... There that didn't take too much time at all.

After the wasted time I endured watching this dud I felt it necessary to check out these reviews my buddy talked about. To my surprise one of the reviews giving it a 10 was written by the writer himself. Surprise because he admits to it. But he also admits that he believes that to his knowledge all the other reviewers that gave it high marks were legitimate accounts. So I looked at these legitimate reviews and found that every one was a newly created account and every one had only reviewed one movie. Any guesses which one? This prompted me to make an account and add my two cents.

'All American Bikini Car Wash' knows what it is, their core audience and at the very least supplies it's namesake. Pretty ladies in bikinis for that montage intro & throughout. Problem is the wrapper containing it all is a bore. DV experience filmed adequately retains the simplicity of a once classic genre, but without any charm or nudity.

Las Vegas college student Jack (Jack Cullison) has a lost job, a strict father then fails his final. The professor will pass him though if he'll take over running his carwash for a week and turn a profit. Between Jack & best friend Vex (Jason Lockhart) the idea is hatched to hire ladies in bikinis which sees business boom, but not without complications.

Loose plot threads about lying, honesty is hardly interesting stuff and much the same said for multiple romance subplots. Dialog runs the gamut from adequate to flat. All the prerequisite characters types are here. A mildly decent main, shy gals, horndog and nerd. Girls on the cover are for real too (sans heavy photoshop or getting naked).

With a title like that, I wasn't surprised to find 'All American Bikini Car Wash' quality or lack thereof. I was however disappointed it didn't at all satisfy where it matters the most. Which left me to soak up the suspect acting, thirty year olds playing college kids weak drama. Stick with 92's 'Bikini Carwash Company' if you wanna see the formula done right.

I've a soft spot for the sort of films this tries to ape, puerile teen movies with questionable scripts and pop rock soundtracks (American Pie, Road Trip etc). This is by far the worst I've ever seen.

Direction that makes George Lucas look Kubrickian.

The writing is so poor, thatat one point in the 90 minute soft focus soft porn boob shot, a character actually utters something to the effect of 'nudity is fine, in context'. I'm adlibbing a little because i've scrubbed this from my mind already. My first review on IMDb, and already i'm hoping for better.

This movie is about meeting chicks through a car wash. It's a business movie at its heart, but about the women mainly. The women are hot. End of story.

I don't know. It is what it is.

2 stars