Bikini Car Wash

I felt cheated by this movie because not all the women in the movie appear topless. It runs for 90 minutes, pretending there is a plot, when there isn't as made obvious by the title of the movie itself. A review of 4.9 at the time of watching this film made me believe there would be some laughs at least. But there was not even one. Even the gratuitous display of boobs couldn't make up for what an utter waste of time and money this movie was for me. I wouldn't recommend this movie even if I was its producer and distributor. How do I write more to make this review long enough to fit 10 lines? Gosh, I think I am putting more thought into this review than the scriptwriters did.

'All American Bikini Car Wash' knows what it is, their core audience and at the very least supplies it's namesake. Pretty ladies in bikinis for a montage intro & throughout. Problem is the wrapper containing it all is a bore. DV experience filmed adequately retains the simplicity of a once classic genre, but without any charm or nudity.

Las Vegas college student Jack (Jack Cullison) has a lost job, a strict father then fails his final. The professor will pass him though if he'll take over running his carwash for a week and can turn a profit. Between Jack and best friend Vex (Jason Lockhart) the idea is hatched to hire ladies in bikinis which sees business boom, but not without complications.

Loose plot threads about lying, honesty is hardly interesting stuff and much the same said for multiple romance subplots. Dialog runs the gamut from adequate to flat. All the prerequisite characters types are here. A mildly decent main, shy gals, horndog and nerd. Girls on the cover are for real too, but again don't get naked.

I can sit thru a throwaway plot if it's fun or at least harmless. With a title like that, I wasn't surprised to find 'All American Bikini Car Wash' quality or lack thereof. I was however disappointed it didn't at all satisfy where it matters the most. Which left me to soak up the suspect thirty year olds playing college kids weak drama. Stick with 92's 'Bikini Carwash Company' if you wanna see the formula done right.

I've a soft spot for the sort of films this tries to ape, puerile teen movies with questionable scripts and pop rock soundtracks (American Pie, Road Trip etc). This is by far the worst I've ever seen.

Direction that makes George Lucas look Kubrickian.

The writing is so poor, thatat one point in the 90 minute soft focus soft porn boob shot, a character actually utters something to the effect of 'nudity is fine, in context'. I'm adlibbing a little because i've scrubbed this from my mind already. My first review on IMDb, and already i'm hoping for better.

I mean what can go wrong with a title like that? I'm not even sure how legal something like that is, I suppose it is not really, which would make sense. Having said that, this is a movie and it is aimed at a certain target audience. So before we go any further, yes there is nudity, yes there is car washing in Bikinis - hence the title.

There is also a weird love story - which almost elevates the movie to a different level. And I say almost because due to acting constraints (let's call them that), you may not be fully engaged in any of that. Another reviewer even suggested to "fast forward" during the boring parts. Now I don't have to read further to know what is meant. I've seem worse, but there are also way better comedies out there with similar subject matters

Is it going to win any Oscars? No, but it's not trying to. If you watch this movie you are watching it to see good-looking women in Bikinis, nudity, some R-Rated sex scenes, and a little humor. It delivers on all these fronts. It doesn't really matter that it's angling to ape other teen sex comedies. It doesn't matter that the plot is a framework for the T & A.

The two male leads do a decent job and the production values are higher than I'd expect for a low budget flick, and the women are all hot (some are previous Playboy models). Don't be too analytical, just sit back and enjoy the bewbs.