Mercenaries

"Mercenaries" is a fairly straight out of the 'how to make an action movie' textbook, except that the movie didn't really turn out to be anything extraordinary. The whole movie was well below average.

The story is about daughter of the president of the United States who has been kidnapped by a ruthless warlord in the Republic of Kazakhstan. The warlord is threatening the USA to make her ruler of her country and wipe out the other rivalling warlords. And the USA government brings in a group of imprisoned women to act as mercenaries, promising them full pardons if they rescue the presidents daughter.

Right, well fairly straight forward storyline. But it was so straight forward to the point of being ridiculously generic and seen in way too many movies before. And that was one of the major factors that worked against this movie.

This being a movie by The Asylum, I will say that they have veered quite far from what they usually make. That is a good thing, because this movie actually made some sense. Just a shame that it was weighed down by a well-below average storyline.

The acting in the movie was adequate. No one really stood out here, which ultimately led to a fairly mundane experience.

"Mercenaries" is the type of movie that you watch once, then forget about it, and never will pick up again for a second viewing. I would assume that the movie might have some appeal if you are a fan of any of the ladies on the cast list. But other than that, then there is nothing appealing or alluring about "Mercenaries".

I could rant about things like the uninspired washed out actresses and bad FX but even with a good cast and better FX it would stay an horrible movie. Made and sold on being an "Expendables" with women but not even close and probably done for 1/25th of an Expendables movie's budget. It's a mock buster with absolutely no plot (the little there is, is taken from Escape from New York), no reason nor sense. The team actions and decisions have no logic. It's an action movie without action and it's it worst crime. It's not even funny-bad, there is long stretches of boring and useless scenes for padding between boring talks (TALKS !!!) where nothing happen. save 90 MN of your lives and please watch something else. It's bad even by The Asylum sub-standards.

When the president's daughter is kidnapped by a female warlord (Brigitte Nielsen) in a former Soviet republic, a CIA agent (Cynthia Rothrock) decides to send 4 dangerous female criminals to the rescue: Clay (Zoë Bell), Kat (Kristanna Loken), Raven (Vivica A. Fox) and Mei-Lin (Nicole Bilderback). I'm not sure if that is the standard procedure, but it has to work as time is running out...

This is an Asylum production, directed by Christopher Ray ('2 Headed Shark Attack'). From these credits, you don't expect too much, but the basic idea works: similar to Stallone's 'Expendables', they take a team of outcasts for a dangerous mission, but this time, it's female. The presence of Nielsen and Rothrock reminds you that a female action hero is nothing new, but a whole team of them guarantees some fun, even if the production value in general is very low - the rare case of a mock-buster that's actually adding something new.

What a load of steaming manure. There is a basic quality to the plot, some of the acting is OK, the rest is horrific. You know you are in trouble when Kristina Loken puts in a performance significantly better than any one else. The fight choreography has some, er, nope, it ranges from average to poor, with most of the fault lying in the hands of the chimp that directed this and his ham fisted editor. I have seen worse premises for films, but whoever thought that taking the concept of The Expendables for women, adding the premise from Snake Pliskin, and handing over 1/10th of the budget really must have owed someone a soul to get this pile of tripe made. I love cheesy bad action films, it is a weakness for me, and I will forgive most things. But holy cow this film is just bad on too many levels and never makes fun of itself, it is trying to be good, and failing on every possible level. Bad directing of mostly bad actors, no finance, no continuity, not pacing, no rhythm, no originality (except new lows) nothing to redeem it. Watch Expendables and Escape from New York in stead. If you like the actresses watch Death Proof and Blood Rayne. Still not good movies, but a lot better than this.

A group of female prisoners are assembled to infiltrate a people trafficking prison for a daring rescue.

For novelty cult value you can't beat this offering, shortly after watching The Expendables I made a wish list for a female version, and to Asylums credit both 80s stars Brigitte Nielsen and Cynthia Rothrock appear, sadly Grace Jones is not included, but there could always be a sequel (with Nielsen's return).

Nielsen puts in an entertaining evil performance and Vivica A. Fox battles through. Okay so the characters don't have second names, yes the stunt men extras act like they just stepped out of the A-Team, granted the effects and sets lack some lustre but there's some solid action pieces mostly involving Loken or Zoe Bell. On top of that you have a few humorous one liners, violence and gun play. It's B action cult gold.

Yes it's a pity it doesn't have a big budget look but what it lacks in production values it makes up for it with it's fun ensemble cast, take it with a pinch of salt and you'll have a blast.