Slay Belles

I suppose the main question is: why?

Usually a low budget holiday romp is fun. With over the top gore and nudity. This film seems to pretend it has that but never really delivers all that much, and it doesn't have any decent writing or acting to make up for this.

There are lots of scenes where something wacky or wild is supposed to be happening, but it's far too clear that nothing really is going on. There are lots of ways to pad out a tiny budget and this film seems to just hope that optimism and people being in on the joke will cover it, and it doesn't.

I wanted to like this, I really did!

Going into this you kind of know exactly what the tone will be, and it never bores you but it also never fully wows you.

The storyline itself I found really clever and the acting is solid aside from the characters with smaller roles. The effects and costumes were decent and the town was really neat (assuming that place really exists, hopefully). It was actually comical to see the running theme of almost every female being... blessed. However, most of the spoken jokes don't really make you laugh and you can see a lot of them coming, but there are some chuckles to be had. The zany camera shots can make some parts hard to watch and there are some really out of place musical interjections that just don't work. The twist at the end was outstanding If you are a horror fan, the movie is 100% worth your time.

It was also cool to see Hannah Minx, the original e-girl and one of the first true YouTube stars.

Konnichiwa! *peace sign* Au revoir, Pee-wee!

(I rate movies based on expectations. You can't put Sharknado on the same scale as Jaws.)

Well I sat down to watch the 2018 movie "Slay Belles" to sort of warm up to the Christmas season that is about to kick off. I thought it might actually be a fun way to lay the ground for all the sugar-coated and candy-sweet Christmas movies that will be coming at us like a tsunami in the coming month.

And when I saw that Barry Bostwick was in it, I must admit that I was actually having some hopes for the movie.

However, turned out that not even someone as iconic as Barry Bostwick to salvage this sinking movie project. Wow, this movie was definitely not my cup of tea at all.

Why? Well first of all, the storyline was just rubbish. I have no idea what writers Jessica Luhrssen and Dan Walker were thinking when they concocted the script for "Slay Belle". Maybe it seemed interesting on paper, but it lost all its luster and appeal in the transition to the screen.

The acting in the movie was atrocious, downright bad. Sure, Barry Bostwick managed to keep his own and stand firm, but he was just dragged down by some questionable and dubious performances from the majority of the cast.

Now, it wasn't all bad mind you. The krampus creature was actually nicely made, and it looks very interesting. I definitely did like what the special effects department had managed to do there. But it just wasn't enough to make up for a total lack of proper storyline and script.

This is by no means a Christmas classic, nor is it a movie that I will be returning to watch a second time.

My rating of "Slay Belles" is a mere three out of ten stars. It really isn't worth the time, effort or money.

Slay Belles: it's clever because 'Slay' sounds like 'Sleigh' and 'Belles' sounds like 'Bells'. Unfortunately, that's about as clever as this film gets. It's dumb. It's very dumb. But sadly, it's not dumb fun.

The humour is extremely forced and rarely hits the mark. The cast are enthusiastic enough, but comedy clearly isn't their forté and the script just isn't witty enough despite a potentially amusing premise.

The plot sees Alexi (Kristina Klebe) joining her big-breasted friends, urban explorers Dahlia (Susan Slaughter) and Sadie (Hannah Minx ), on a trip to abandoned theme park Santaland, where they intend to record their latest Adventure Girl web cast. What they don't realise is that they are not alone: the 'Christmas Devil' Krampus is on the prowl for naughty people, making the trespassing girls potential victims. Luckily for them, the real Santa Claus (Barry Bostwick) is also there to help them stay alive.

Director Dan Walker takes a gimmicky approach to his film-making, with novelty graphics and 'stylish' (i.e., annoying) editing, which is bad enough, but add in horrible wobbly camerawork and some really dark night-time scenes, and the result is a film that is not only nowhere near as funny as it could have been, but which is also fairly grating on the nerves. Walker should have compensated with plenty of gore, but barring the death of Sadie's boyfriend Brian (Rich Manley), there's not much splatter to speak of.

The film's pros are as follows: impressive opening credits, one reasonable monster, one gore effect, one passable performance (from Bostwick), two big pairs of boobs (one pair getting a brief airing).

The cons: bad acting, bad camerawork, bad comedy, too many dark scenes, inappropriate use of dubstep music, not enough blood and guts, and no gratuitous shower scene for Sadie.

3.5/10, rounded up to 4 for... well, it's Christmas... I'm feeling generous.

If you're looking for perfection, you're not going to find it here. But if you want a fun, better than expected, b-movie to watch around Christmas time I think this is one to check out. I kinda expected just a super low budget sjinf flick. But I surprised to find a fairly well done movie with only a super brief nude scene. The camera work damn near made me see sick and done if the visual effects were bad, but it is fun.