Asteroid vs Earth

I watched this anticipating, even looking forward to, a bad movie. Within a few minutes, it sets up the premise as revealed in the title. As such, it starts like any of too many movies with same basic plot, and devolves from there. Incomprehensible, unrelated, unexplainable events follow, and then the movie ends. That is as much as you need to know going into it, and it's more than you will remember one day later. I feel sorry for Tia Carrere for being desperate enough to be in this movie. It is typical fare for Jason Brooks.

It aspires to the level of even a typical Syfy Original movie from Asylum, but fails. It's no Sharknado.

From a floating half submarine with a lawn chair as a control seat to such an exaggerated dialogue, I don't see how this movie even made it to TV... boy was this a sad movie to watch... did it win Golden Raspberry award!! If not it should!!

An asteroid is discovered to be on a collision course with Earth. This one is 200 miles wide; comparatively, the one thought to have wiped out the dinosaurs was only six miles wide. Ouch. For some nonsensical reasons, it is decided to move Earth out of the way. Earthquakes are set to "blow up the Yap Trench" and save the planet. Taking the planet Earth out of its orbit and rotation would also kill everyone, but nobody seems to care. US military officials abduct undersea deep sea geophysicist Tia Carrere (as Marissa Knox) and nuclear submarine pilot Jason Brooks (as Chase Seward) to assist in moving Earth. They were just about to have sex, but Earth comes first...

Science fiction at its worst. Christopher Douglas Olen Ray unsteadily directs this woefully haphazard disaster movie. The plot makes no scientific sense; grade-school knowledge about Earth and the solar system are, apparently, forgotten by college students. While writer Adam Lipsius scores points with diverse characters, they have little chemistry and no community. Several take the assignment too seriously. This may be why less seasoned performers like Charles Byun (as Evan "Telly" Kitsias) outperform elders like Robert Davi (as Jim Masterson). The most memorable co-stars, Wade F. Wilson and Craig Blair (as Rudy and Terry), never appear on screen together.

** Asteroid vs Earth (4/29/14) Christopher Ray ~ Jason Brooks, Tia Carrere, Robert Davi, Wade F. Wilson

"Asteroid vs. Earth" tells the same old story of an asteroid on collision course with earth - however, the plan to avoid the collision is different from previous movies on the same subject. Instead of blowing up the asteroid, the protagonists want to cause a massive earthquake, 18 (!) on the Richter scale, to push the earth out of the way. Robert Davi plays a 4 star general who is immediately convinced this lunatic plan is great. So let's blow up the earth to save it! Tia Carrere plays a scientist who is more or less abducted to co-operate, otherwise I presume no person with a scientific mind - or any mind for that matter - would take part in this enterprise. If someone seriously attempts to list the goofs in this movie, especially things are technically not possible, he'll be busy for days.

The most enjoyable thing on the Blu-ray disc was the making of, when the stars try desperately to keep a straight face, saying thinks like "I signed for the movie because I thought the script was brilliant". Yes, sure, most likely that's how it happened.

If you're a seasoned movie goer but have become tired of the relentless big box office releases then this is the movie for you.

You'll need to nail your feet to the floor and duct tape your eyes open for the full 90 minute duration if you're to reap the benefit offered by this pox riddled flick.

I'm unable to divulge any further details, as if you've not seen this movie then you'll think I made the whole thing up.

On the upside, you'll come out the other side with a new appreciation of those big box office movies.