Bermondsey Tales: Fall of the Roman Empire

I couldn't give this movie anything more than one star. It was the most unimaginative piece of garbage I've seen in years. This tell it, talk about it nonsense, introducing each act, is a done and dusted technique, that needs no revival. If Ms Smith is hoping to further her career after that awful EastEnders soap she was in, then she'll have to do a bit more than just wiggling her ass (as scrumptious as it may be).

I found the whole cast to be somewhat wanting in the convincing stakes, with Ms Smith's attempt at a cockney accent, emphasising the whole shebang. I sat through the gruelling runtime of one hour thirty nine minutes, by which time, I not only wanted to slit my own wrists, I wanted to slit someone else's too. Sorry Mr Head, this attempt at whatever it was, was not for me, or most of the cast either, I'd imagine.

Michael Head is making the kind of films he wants to make - London gangster films. And he's not bad at it. The trouble is that he's not good at it either.

There's a lot of attempts at witty banter and it doesn't really come off. And that's a problem, because it's half the film. There are some decent actors here who can deliver such lines, but I think perhaps the direction was lacking because everyone waits for everyone else to finish their line. It's like everything is a rehearsal rather than a take.

Alan Ford is in this and he's got a charisma and intensity that is always very watchable, but he just doesn't have the chance to shine here. You see him deliver a line in his usual excellent manner, but it falls flat as everyone else waits their turn. There are a bunch of familiar British crime film faces, like Vas Blackwood and Rohit Nathaniel - though they tend to be from the lower budget end of things. And then there's a scattering of people from Eastenders and the Inbetweeners. But the slow pace of everything and the slow acting just ruins anything they might have had. And annoyingly, the worst actor is Michael Head himself. He's not convincing as a tough guy and I'm sure he thinks there's charm and humour to his performance, but there just isn't. John Hannah is wasted here too - as is Vicki Michelle.

With better writing, better direction and tighter editing, there's a potentially good film here. But as it stands, it's just not good enough.

Ooh, look a whole bunch of ten star ratings from people who've never reviewed anything else. Par for the course, eh?

I spent the best part of half an hr trying to decide what to watch - then thought I'd rent a film on Amazon, and went for this. The reviews were pretty decent, so I had my expectations quite high, and it didn't disappoint.

This film is excellent - the main actor, Michael Head (I think he wrote some of it) is excellent, the cast they've put together are brilliant. Some really funny scenes and characters (especially the postman and Rabbit), and some really funny dialogue. I like the cameo from Tom Skinner too.

Would highly recommend it. I think I might rent it again in the future, as I think it's one of those films that's great, but would actually click together nicely on a second viewing.

Michael Head has created a really entertaining film here and isn't that what most people want? Entertainment.

This movie is not for the snooty critics that write reviews knowing little about the working class love for a good old gangster tale that features that world but also everyday family dramas they can relate to. It's nicely divided up into chapters like a novel and features Latin, yes Latin descriptions as we go along.

There are a plethora of well known faces that keep up your interest too, from Jay's dad from the Inbetweeners to the sexy French lady from Allo Allo. Plus Alan Ford, Maisie Williams and Gary Webster. This cast of familiar faces rises the film up beyond the standard gangster tale and with a Guy Ritchie style, Michael Head keeps it all romping along including absolutely hilarious moments from Dapper Laughs and Vas Blackwood. Plus, genuinely sad moving moments. John Hannah also features in a charismatic cameo as a gnarly Scot.

It all moves along at fast pace with consistently good performances throughout. It's perfect viewing with a Chinese takeaway and a few beers on the go.

Writing, directing, acting in, funding and putting a film together is a huge operation when you're an independent film maker it takes guts, grit, determination and a never say die attitude, as someone who's been there I can only applaud Michael for what he has achieved.

Bermondsey Tales is quite simply brilliant. Told in an episodic manner, Michael Head brings back the tradition of London characters, telling stories. Full of mad-cap tales of individuals and their escapades, you'll laugh till your sides hurt.

The leading cast are fantastic, with Head, Dan O'Reilly and Charlie Clapham bringing energy, one-liners and jokes a-plenty. It's also great to see the number of British legends - John Hannah, Frank Harper, Vas Blackwood, Alan Ford, Linda Robson, Vicki Michelle - all playing their parts. Without forgetting the formidable Gary Webster as the 'Head of the Family' and the excellent Maisie Smith in her debut movie role.