Cocaine Shark

With a low rating, and no expectations. Was expecting this film to be terrible giving its low budget and its parody title. The cover art made it look half way decent but overall there isn't anything really redeeming about this film.

The sharks are animated looking, and it isn't in a funny way. The acting is amateurish where's it's too distracting to take anything serious. The story isn't intriguing and there's no suspense, no mystery and in the end we wonder as to why we watched. It's not a film that's funny in a "so bad it's good" way, it's simply cheesy and forced. Not worth the watch. Far better low budget films out there.

I was impressed with some of Mark's DIY creative choices, but that's always been something I love about Polonia movies. They've always got effort and creativity and a rotating group of actors you actually love watching.

I asked myself if Dustin Ferguson watched this and took some notes for his own Cocaine Cougar that I haven't been able to make myself watch and then I remembered he's completely delusional so of course he didn't. He also had his movie on shelves 3 weeks after Cocaine Bear debuted so I doubt he even watched that. The reviews I read for it say it's the exact same formula he always uses just with a terrible cgi cat thrown in at random places.

I was impressed with some of Mark's DIY creative choices, but that's always been something I love about Polonia movies. They've always got effort and creativity and a rotating group of actors you actually love watching.

I asked myself if Dustin Ferguson watched this and took some notes for his own Cocaine Cougar that I haven't been able to make myself watch and then I remembered he's completely delusional so of course he didn't. He also had his movie on shelves 3 weeks after Cocaine Bear debuted so I doubt he even watched that. The reviews I read for it say it's the exact same formula he always uses just with a terrible cgi cat thrown in at random places.

Anyway, this would probably be a 3.5 on a regular scale, but I'm rating it on the Ferguson Bell Curve so it's a 4.

I remembered when the movie was announced and of course I was planning to watch it. I mean, an insane title such as "Cocaine Shark" just screams of a movie you have to watch. Granted, I wasn't harboring any expectations to the movie at all, after having seen the trailer.

And now I finally had the opportunity to sit down and watch "Cocaine Shark". And let me just clarify that "Cocaine Shark" from writer Bando Glutz and director Mark Polonia is by no means a contender to the hilarious "Cocaine Bear" movie. Not even remotely. Nay, "Cocaine Shark" is an abysmal movie in every possible aspect.

The storyline in "Cocaine Shark" was pretty simplistic. The writing was bland and the narrative was amazingly mundane and sluggish. There was nothing thrilling or exciting about the storyline, unless you consider it being a massive dumpster fire as being exciting.

The acting performances in the movie were amateurish, wobbly, questionable and laughable at best. Needless to say that there wasn't a single famous performer on the cast list. Not even Nicolas Cage would touch this with a stick.

The special effects in "Cocaine Shark" were exactly that; special. Yeah, you have to see how crappy and poor the special effects, practical effects and CGI effects are throughout the course of the 76 minutes that the movie ran for in order to believe that something like that actually comes to see the light of day in 2023.

The movie's cover/poster over-sells the movie a million times. Yeah, there was no shark looking like that in the movie. Nope, not even remotely. The sharks in the movie were either toy sharks or horribly rendered CGI sharks that wouldn't even fool a blind man.

There are plenty of horrible and laughable shark-themed movies out there, but "Cocaine Shark" is definitely a contender for the top three of crappy shark movies.

Do yourself a favor and stay well clear of "Cocaine Shark". Some of us suffered through this, literally, so you don't have to.

My rating of "Cocaine Shark" lands on a one out of ten stars.

Cocaine Shark is a 2023 film by Mark Polonia. A Mafia Drug Lord has unleashed a new addictive stimulant made from sharks in a lab but there are monstrous side effects.

Unlike Jurassic Shark 3 where it takes a relatively normal low budget shark movie and jumps that shark this time they jumped that shark right from the beginning. This movie feels like a little bit of a disappointment with almost a bait and switch approach. I was expecting a shark high on cocaine instead I get a mutant shark movie that probably would have come out with a different name if it hadn't been for Cocaine Bear. It is also kind of sad that he monsters kind of take a back seat for the plot of the film as it revolves around the drug dealing and criminal activity far more. I think the more appropriate title would have been "shark cop" but that might have given things away.

I kind of feel bad for Kyle Rappaport in this one, he had been climbing the Polonia ladder with him being in most of the length of Jurassic Shark 3 but not making it past the opening credits here, he does multitask in this one, however so one could say that he has a much bigger role as its 4 small ones and it can be fun to try and spot where he shows up. Much the same it is good to see him in the field and hope to see him utilized in more fun and entertaining ways. I've come to look for Polonia in his films, no matter the film he is always fun to spot. I'm glad to see Titus Himmelberger in the Staring role, he handles the role fairly well and I've enjoyed what I've seen him in thus far. Most of the acting is in the typical Microbudget quality but never so bad that it destroys emersion or becomes comically bad. I do really like the setting, it was nice on Jurassic Shark and pretty good here as well.

I really like some of the effects with stop motion or the odd creations and mutations for creatures. When it comes to Polonia shark movies I really enjoy a lot of the practical effects but I don't feel I get to enjoy them long enough here the Cheesy effects are on full display and utilized pretty well. I do hope to see more stop motion from Polonia in the future.

Music wise it isn't terrible, the music works, though isn't particularly good or bad.

Cocaine shark has a lot of potential to it. I do feel with a different title expectations would be a bit better. I went in looking for a shark High on Cocaine and came out with a movie about a human high on shark. If you are looking for a lower budget police thriller with shark monsters you are in the right place. If you are looking for a movie like Cocaine Bear, don't bother.