Paranormal Investigations 8 - Preston Castle

Hello, I am the Prime Minister. Today I will tell you about this movie.

It is not good. I like horror movies, even the ones that are so bad they become hilarious. This is not one of those movies.

The premise of this movie is that 1 college chick is trying to get her best friend hooked up with this college guy after a breakup. They hang out for a few seconds at a lake and then he drives them over to a spooky place so they can spook each other. However, the best friend is only there to bone him and the 1 college chick doesn't even want to be there at all.

None of them act like real humans do. Yes, there are many moments where there is clearly just bad acting, but also the personality given to these characters is flat and not relatable.

The horror is so bad I cringed a few times, but other times I put my face in my palms. The only people who would be convinced by this are little children. The actors do not know how to portray fear, and certainly do not know how to act like someone is dying. The only person dying here is me, from how bad this is.

In my book, the only criteria for a good horror movie is actors who know how to portray a frightened human who is fearing for their life. Fear is a very powerful emotion, which this movie mocks.

This is also NOT a Found Footage movie. FFs are my favorite sub-genre, however the "Camera" parts are just a girl who can't afford a cell phone for Snapchat. It adds nothing to the movie experience and doesn't even need to be there.

Also, this movie is made up of poorly- shot jump scares that you can see coming from a kilometer away. I even started counting the seconds in-between jump scares. If you made this into a drinking game, you would drown. My profile picture is the face I often made while watching the scenes. Please, I pray for you and your eyes.

This movie completely flattens anything unique. "A haunting In Preston Castle" is a boring, uneventful wreck that takes on any cliché; executing every cliché in the book ..

I think I'll go only good thing of this film, that being the acting. I think, personally, acting of a horror film is what ticks me off the most when I'm watching a film. In this film, the acting wasn't that bad, actually. I felt as if the actors kept a steady, solid grip to they're characters, displaying some great acting performances. However, during some scenes of the film, the actors over played they're lines, acting as if they were rushed, or perhaps persuaded to go faster. Point being, the acting wasn't bad at all, it was solid, and it held together.

Now for the horrific parts of the film, the story / plot.. One word. Recycled. The plot was horrifically clichéd, and emphasized so many millions, and billions of times before its sickening. This film just preforms the exact same thing once more, only some how making it seem worse then it already is. A group of idiot teens head off into an abandoned, haunted area of which posses a ghost legend; Which, by the way was completely left out of the movie, leaving a major plot hole. The movie literally sends these nuisance characters into this haunted area for absolutely no reason, making the entire thing a massive blur, leading to the audiences' annoyance. In conclusion, the plot is an overused subject, annoying the audience with the fact it's been seen billions of times before, only displaying a waste of time; a cliché.

Now, the ghosts of the movie. The monsters, the part of the film that can't possibly fail! Of course, in this situation, it did. The ghost was flopped around as a transparent looking CGI glob of crap. And even with that statement bring brought up, in this film, you never really even see the ghost, because how horrifically BORING this film was. And even when us audience did, it was lame, and didn't phase the audience as the looks of it just had us wondering "Why?" or . . "What!?" in the end, the scariest part of the film was supposedly the ghosts, but fell flat in even achieving that, instead failing it.

In conclusion this film was a wreck, it introduced us to the wide world of clichés, of which is a world we shouldn't visit. It not only did that, but also disappointed the audience with lame executions of scares, scenery, and events. On top of all that, this film was bland, and uneventful, It wasted much time with boring convocations and fell flat to be a horrifically boring waste. Even the decent acting couldn't save this film; I don't recommend this to any horror fan, as you'll be highly disappointed. Finally, I don't HATE this film, rather, I'm very disappointed with it, and I feel as if others will be too.

Preston Castle/The Haunting of Preston Castle is the 8th movie in the Paranormal Investigations franchise and so far the one with the highest budget at 3.4 million! Really quite astonishing from a franchise made up of hyper low budget usually found footage movies.

Now the 7th movie turned a weird corner as it starred and was directed by Hollywood star Michael Rooker. Yet even that only had a million at it's disposal so what did they do here with over three times that?

Well, I don't know where the money went...........at all. It's a tiny and entirely unknown cast, the quality is really quite poor and it's one of those haunting films where nothing actually happens so little to no money was needed for sfx.

It tells the story of three friends who go exploring in an abandoned asylum. You know, that plot that literally hundreds of these things have used. Anyway in the 78 minute running time nothing happens other than it's successful attempt at boring the viewer.

So again where in the blue hell did the money go?! Best catering ever?

Awful stuff that will appeal only to the most diehard of sub-genre fans.

The Good:

Nope

The Bad:

Poor camerawork

Badly edited

Nothing happens

Actually, why did we come here in the first place? Oh yeah, for no real reason at all. Apart from the fact that we wanted to film everything and leave the footage for someone to edit ... wait! Ah yes the downfalls of those "Found Footage" movies. And when I say those, I speak of specific ones, not all of them.

But this is a prime example, why the let's call it sub-genre got a bad rep. There are scares thrown in here from time to time and for a low budget movie, they are not that bad. But the question is, if you really care? I don't think you will. And the characters are not even that annoying (all of the time that is) .. let's best forget about it/them ... something already been done by others!

A Haunting at Preston Castle (2012)

Poor old Liz (Mackenzie Firgens) has been dumped. It's getting towards the end of her college break and she is sat sulking turning down an offer to go out with her mother, because she is feeling THAT miserable. Her best friend Ashley (Heather Tocquigny) thinks she knows just the thing to cheer her buddy up. Ashley arranges a hook-up with Liz's high school ex-boyfriend Danny (Jake White) and the threesome head off to spooky Preston Castle with a view to rekindling Liz and Danny's romance.

Danny appears to know a lot about Preston Castle's hideous history recounting grisly tales to the girls. Preston Castle is an abandoned boy's correctional institute hardly the place I'd pick to reignite an old romance. Ashley leaves the two prospective love-birds alone as she listens to their shenanigans from the above room. However it is not long before Ashley goes missing with the other two having no idea where to find here. Doors close of their own account, shadows appear out of nowhere and being bitten by things unseen, all of which is right up my street!

I'm a sucker for a good ghostly yarn, in fact I'm a sucker for a poor one too, and such is my love for the haunted house sub-genre, so please bare that in mind when reading my critique of A Haunting at Preston Castle. The film is inspired by true events that happened at the Californian location and the location has featured on TV's Ghost Hunters and Ghost Adventures. Please don't think that there really was a Liz, Ashley and Danny that visited Preston Castle recently, you're taking the 'inspired/based on' angle too literally if you do, but I just know some of you will.

There are gripes - why do Liz's friends seem surprised by her insistence on filming everything? It's how it is now, everyone films or photos everything. It's the culture so this questioning by Liz's friends felt a little irrelevant. Also in spite of the evidence right there in front of her Liz continues to believe there are no such things as ghosts. It becomes rather infuriating. Far too much time is spent having Liz and Danny searching for the missing Ashley. This section could have been tighter.

It's not all bad. There are pluses and healthy ones too. The characters are well defined, if a little irritating they feel more feel than the usual ciphers present in genre output. Co-writer/director Martin Rosenberg's film offers nothing wholly new overall but does twist a little from the norm - former lovers fall out again rather than reconcile in the face of adversity, they have a working phone so none of that 'oh no, we've got no signal' - and it's these little touches that lift it above average.

If you prefer body count over mood and atmosphere you'll be left wanting. I found A Haunting at Preston Castle refreshing that it didn't adhere to that and relied on mood instead. I loathe flicks that feel the need to have something startling happen every ten minutes or so just for the sake of it. That's not good horror that's scary bits in search of a narrative. Here we have a narrative and it's pretty good too and although it runs out of steam towards the end for my money it makes for a reasonable night's entertainment.

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