The Amityville Curse

A year or so ago, I decided to binge watch all the Amityville Horror films, or that is, the related-type films to that 1979 original that I could remember seeing in video stores back in the day and find those same movies that went directly to videocassette in that amazing era of the late 1980s through the 1990s.

These were the films that never went to the theater, and were never intended to do so.

Oh, they were all stupid. Every single one of them. All found mostly on the fantastic channel of Tubi (Love Tubi!) All films weak as expected, not scary, with bad story, and mostly poor performances, but still charming in a way with young, up and coming actors, or older actors just trying to stay busy or relevant. I even watched the 1990 version with the exact same title as here, and another version about a haunted lamp, yes, haunted lamp (Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes) it was by and far the worst, and yet neither of these films were close to as bad as this.

This is awful.

Miserable.

It's boring.

Bad acting.

Worse editing. (In the beginning, I couldn't tell if they were moving in or out)

It's bright. Yes, bright. The whole movie is way too lit (and not in a good way!) You can tell they were probably filming at night but blasting in spotlights through the windows to make it look like daytime.

People die unexpectedly and horrifically and none of the characters are frantically trying to reach emergency services or call anybody. Where's law enforcement? Family members and relatives afterwards? A funeral?

The human relationships are unbelievable, from friends to roommates to lovers. There is no chemistry amongst any of the parties involved.

Hey, I know this is low to no budget and it's Amityville #376, but that still doesn't exclude all of the above crimes if not transgressions.

As a matter of fact, this is where those little things like believability and emotional investment could have flourished here on screen.

In searching for this new title of this long, long, longtime franchise, unbelievably (maybe not so unbelievably) I came across other, more intriguing titles than this, such as Amityville Karen (Yes.), and Amityville in Space (Also, a definitive yes.) So, skip this chapter, either watch the 1990 film of the same title (which is so bad, it's good-this is just plain bad-there's a difference!), or watch one of these more interestingly titled recent productions.

We all know this infinite trail of silly sequels will never terrify as the original did.

But this 2023 Amityville Curse is not a horror film, and should you describe it as such to your friends in discussions, when mentioning horror, please place it in air quotes.

I will also note here that I would gladly contribute to any group funding of a future production of Amityville Karen In Space.

My expectations for any new movie with Amityville in the title are generally low, and knowing this one was brought to us by a free streaming service I figured it would look low budget. And I was right, it does, and the script is nothing more than serviceable, paint-by-numbers, haunted house horror fare. The set-up is minimal before things begin going bump in the night, and the swift pacing remains fairly consistent throughout the brief 90-minute runtime. What works best here is the cast, each of whom had to realize this project would be nothing more than a marginal paycheck. They all turn in credible performances considering the rather thin writing. A no-harm, no-foul Amityville movie that does nothing more than pass the time on a rainy day.

This film essentially begins with several friends buying the infamous Amityville house with the intention of renovating it in their spare time to resell afterward for a hefty profit. At least, that is their plan. What none of them count on, however, is the nightmares that begin to occur the very first night they stay there--or the strange deaths that occur immediately afterward. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this remake of the 1990 film was actually a little bit better than the first for a couple of basic reasons. For starters, the writing was a bit more polished. Additionally, the characters were a bit more likeable as well. Of course, that isn't saying much since the none of the characters in the first film were really that likeable to begin with. Where the film suffers, in my opinion, is due to the overall lack of suspense which is almost critical to a horror movie of this type. That being said, while I certainly don't consider this to be a terribly bad film overall, it's not something that impressed me that much either--and I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.

No surprise this is another hopeless instalment of the schlocky Amityville Horror movie series. The first one from 1979 is far superior than the rest, but that's not exactly a compliment. Granted, for its time it had good points but it didn't work for me like Halloween or The Exorcist. This one, Amityville Curse actually starts off ok. I liked how they took the pus out of the story and just went off on a different tangen and at least tried to offer something different. The dialogue and acting were ticking more boxes than not for the first 45, but after that, the whole thing crashes down the chimney and the staircase into the red hellgate basement room.

The main characters fan girl over the lore and history of the house, taking away from unexpected terror. We know exactly what to expect with this movie. There is no build up to the suspense and you can expect supernatural occurrences at the start of the film. The story takes too long to really tell us any significant background on the group of friends to get us to like them enough to care about their pending demise. When the spooky stuff begins, it's more childs play with no direction. It's jump scare after jump scare. The CGI is very low quality and I feel like there were things they could have done practically with the use of effects makeup.