Zombie Massacre

I'm a die hard zombie flick fan, and although I prefer the absolute classics and have probably seen every movie belonging to this genre, I will admittedly sit through any mindless zombie movie in the hopes of finding a hidden gem amongst the horrific (excuse the pun) and endless stream of movies that continue to be released that follow the same old plot lines and use the same old effects.

This is my first review, which should give some indication to how much I wanted to express my disgust of this 'movie'. I'm all for the ol' 'biohazard dust storm' storyline that causes every human in its wake to turn into rotting, caniverous corpses (especially those who move extremely fast as opposed to those lurching slowly across fields at a tenth of the speed of any potential victims), but the fact that the plot line is extremely boring, poorly explained, predictable and full of holes is only a small part of the insult of this film, the main being the absolutely horrible acting of EVERY cast member - Where did they find these people???!!!! And the fact that although the majority of the characters are supposed to be allies and mostly American, there would be at least 12 different accents spread over all of the characters!! If your American President cant even have a passable American accent (in this case the A.P sounds Slovakian or at least of eastern European descent) you're really scraping the bottom layer of the bitumen thats underneath the barrel! You then have the secretary of state who starts off with a 'British' accent which even then deteriorates and morphs throughout the film. Apart from the accents, every part and actor is absolutely cringeworthy.... and just when you think it cant get worse...surprise surprise, the characters and their 'performances' become even more appalling.

Even the assembly of so called 'masters of their art' (Bomb expert, 'swordstress', sharpshooter) look as if they haven't even had a minutes' training or any experience in their area of mastery, making even the somewhat essential violence that's really required when making a zombie movie, absolutely comical, ridiculous and laughable in this case.

After having written what I have so far, I'm even starting to regret wasting further time on this abomination. The 'million dollar budget'stated in the fims statistics can clearly be broken down after watching the movie. $998000 has clearly been spent on special effects and making zombies look as disgusting and 'real' as possible (the only tiny amount of positive credit I will pay to this movie) the remaining $2000 was obviously then spent on paying for camera equipment, for the usuage of existing sets, and lunches for the so called 'actors' and crew who were obviously not payed a thing, but rather, gotten off the street, their incentive for doing the movie being lunch each day, and the opportunity to put 'I starred in/worked on a C grade movie' on their resumés....which I'm sure none of them would do, due to the shame of being associated with such a hideous and insulting film.

An abomination of a zombie movie even by zombie movie abomination standards.......

If their was a 0 for this movie i still don't think that it would serve justice to how God Awful this movie is. For a 1,000,000 budget it was money that should have been spent on helping the poor. The special effects were horrendous, the make up/character costumes etc was just horrible and the acting.................The acting has to be thee top 5 worst i have ever watched. The characters in this movie over acted, had no expressions with their assigned characters, and the character lines/dialogue were just plain stupid and had me shaking my head during the whole movie. The stupid little girl that was the daughter of one of the main characters in this movie just had absolutely no acting skills at all. This movie should not have ever been made, produced or even thought of.

General production quality?

Originality: 2 out of 10, mostly for the awesome American accents.

Acting: 3 out of 10, what's with the awesome American accents?

Setting: 0 out of 10. Wait, we're not even in America? But the accents!?

Filming: 5 out of 10. Overall production value was relatively high. They actually wasted money on this!

Special effects: 4 out of 10. Mostly CGI. The crap directors think they can get away with..

Makeup: 7 out of 10. Best part of the film by far.

Action: 3 out of 10. Pretty slow action.

Entertainment value: 4 out of 10. Overall not the most terrible thing I ever watched.

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Characters?

4 out of 10 for the two old mercenaries. Good or bad, they got into their parts.

2 out of 10 for the main hero. Dull as sandstone.

1 out of 10 for the bad guy. Just.. completely out of place.

0 out of 10 for the sword-bearing-anime-spin-off-wet-dream. This just screams fetish. It was almost insulting (Commander, sniper, bombs expert and.. ninja?).

1 out of 10 for the professor's "doe-tah" (in non-American accents, it's pronounced as "daughter").

5 out of 10 for the hick. Ya gotta have at least one hick! (best American accent)

1 out of 10 for the hick's mute girlfriend. Lame.. and mute. (no accent)

8 out of 10 for the dog. Best actor by far.

-------------------- Overall score.. 3.2

This is the first time I bother to write review and I only do it because I am absolutely outrage by this terrible movie. They say Budget: $1.000.000 (estimated)but still waste of money.

John Dunn said "There was one thing worthy of note and that was the make up. The Zombies did look as though some time and effort had gone into them except for when we got a close up on their hands which looked as though they had come from the local joke shop horror section."

I like B movies, SciFi low budget but..... This is one of the worst movies I have ever "tried" to watch. I wonder why they make something like that? Is it a joke or.....are they plane stupid. It is a complete waste of......everything, note even funny just boring crap. Acting -10, story -10, ideas -10, initiative -10 and I could go on like that forever. Absolutely nothing to be positive about, sorry, absolute misery.

I get to vote from 1-10 (but I would give it -10 if it were an option)

It was bad very bad - the acting was utterly ridiculous it was almost like a comedy and the lines "so many wars , so many women" they truly have to be heard to be believed almost every scene there was a monstrously bad piece of dialogue "You know what a big pile of Shiite with flies around it looks like , I'm going to create a big pile of Shiite" - That was one of the more witty lines of dialogue! I am not joking you really really really have to see this for the dialogue - virtually every line was cringe-worthy.

The main actor was about as dull as Mr Dull McDull from the town of Drab On The Island Of Very Very Tedious. Great name "Jack Stone" - I wonder how many movies have used this combo of hard nut naming convention? I can only presume he was hired not due to his miniscule acting talent but massive manly frame to go with the equally manly hard-nut name!

As for the female sword wielding ninja mute - oh words evade me just watch it and you will see what i mean!

To be fair the Scottish guy was actually quite funny with lines like "gonna slow it down chief I'm getting old" said in that pithy Glaswegian drawl - I am still not sure whether this was by design or pure fluke or perhaps because I empathise with a fellow Glaswegian forced to take part in this carousel of calamity?

Zombie make-up was actually quite good but the whole thing was a disaster and more of a comedy than a serious Zombie flick - view it as a comedy and you might make it through the 1 and a half odd hours of torture!!!

I am giving it three stars just because of the funny Scots mercenary!!! He deserves a badge for making it through this movie as do I!!! Was it meant to be funny and ironic - who knows but it has seriously messed with my head!!!