Space Sharks

This movie mis-sold itself.

It is really a nature documentary, showing us some gorgeous slow shots of foliage, with a most 80s sound track, with a bit of humans in it to remind us how superior unmoving, bad lit, badly frames leaves can be in terms of screen time.

When watching, it becomes instantly clear what this movie is. If you make the mistake of hopping through the long shots, slow pans and weirdly framed bits of scraggly bush, then you'll skip the majority of the movie. If, instead, you skip through the truly atrocious human parts, then you can remain in that calem, zen space, especially if you turn off the horrendous synths.

Part of me wonders if the movie has been made to demonstrate to other film makers every bad mistake a director can make. Introducing characters needs to have them engaged with others, interesting dialogue, read with conviction and verisimilitude. Not 5 minute montages of them getting out of bed, scratching their balls and having breakfast.

Shots designed to capture the nature of a person need to be at the level of the faces, with the actor filling the screen, so we can focus on their emotions as they play out across their faces, not shot from above, seeing mostly the tops of their heads.

Chase scenes need more than just a stationary camera and intense music. Indeed, don't build your movie around the tunes, padding out every scene to fill the runtime of the royalty free midi synth track you downloaded.

Your story also needs a story. Hinting at day of the triffids and predator isn't enough. Character development. Engaging mystery. Stakes. Something. Anything.

There were so many flaws with this movie. Its not even bad. It boring. Boring, meaningless waste of everyone's time. The director needs to go to school, learn some new tricks, and maybe watch some good movies and pay attention to the direction. Perhaps then they won't share turgid nonsense with the world, but something worthy of pride, instead.

Dr. Johnson (Eric Roberts) and others are experimenting with sharks in a spaceship. They crash and the Space Sharks are unleashed upon people in the woods.

This is not Sharknado. This is much closer to Birdemic. It does have a small section in space with Eric Roberts who could possibly be the only truly professional actor in the whole cast. I get a sense that some of the spaceship actors noticed the score and endeavored to camp it up. I started to enjoy the silliness of some of the acting. Once the movie moves down to the ground, it becomes all too obvious what this movie is. There are lots of these movies around. It is a bunch of amateur actors wandering in the woods butchering lines with laughable CGI. That's the majority of this film and the part which resembles Birdemic.

This movie is unbelievably terrible. It's so bad that even Steven Segal's recent films seem like masterpieces in comparison. My kids faces watching it could be the only review you need to skip this movie.

The effects are bad. The movie starts with a long intro and some CGI scenes of the '90s. Even the 3D games of the 90s look more realistic than the spaceship interior scene.

The editing is a disaster. Each shot drags on for way too long, even though the movie is only an hour short.

The actors are... well, they're not really actors. They're just regular people who stumbled in front of a camera from 2001. Even the walking scenes look unrealistic.

The image is bad. Bad as in... shot with a 15 years old camera phone. Most modern phones have better image.

The background music is just generic stock music on repeat, failing to make the scenes any less boring.

Overall, the only thing that is related with movies is the short presence of Eric Roberts, this D-list actor.

Honestly, I could probably make a better movie this weekend with my iPhone and my kids. It would be more interesting and have better special effects, and I have zero experience in filmmaking.

Granted, when I sat down to watch the 2024 movie "Space Sharks" I harbored zero expectations to the movie. Why? Well, first of all, the movie's title was sufficient in itself. And the fact that the only familiar name on the cast list was Eric Roberts just didn't elevate any hopes for the movie. But I am a sucker for shark movies, and of course I would give writer and director Dustin Ferguson's 2024 movie a fair chance on the off-chance that it might actually be a worthwhile movie.

The narrative in the movie is near non-existing. You mostly just watch random people mill about with their daily lives and chores, to the way-too-high sounds of 1980s synth music. Yeah, it wasn't really particularly entertaining to say the least. And the writer copies heavily from the 1987 movie "Predator" as well, to the point where it was embarrassing to witness.

And the dialogue in the movie was terrible. It was as if it was written by either AI or some pre-school student with dreams of being a script writer.

The acting performances in "Space Sharks" was sluggish and laughable. It felt like the majority of the actors and actresses didn't buy into this movie themselves, and they were just there to collect an easy pay cheque. And even Eric Roberts looked and felt like his mind was far away on some remote tropical beach while his body was on the set of "Space Sharks". Aside from Eric Roberts, then I was only familiar with actress Brinke Stevens. Yeah, I've seen enough low budget and dubious movies to recognize her, I admit that.

The movie's dialogue track is very low, and you need to crank up the volume to hear the dialogue properly. But there is a problem, because the movie's annoying 1980s synth score is way higher than the dialogue, so you have two very different scales of volume going on.

I am beyond amazed how a movie that is made in 2024 can have CGI effects that look like something from a game from the early 2000s. The CGI animation scene with the corridors after the intro sequence was just insanely cringeworthy to look at. The graphics were just so horribly outdated.

And you have to suffer through about 39 minutes of the movie before you get to see the God-awful sharks themselves. And 39 minutes was well over half of the movie, as it runs at a staggering 70 minutes of pure pointless boredom.

While the movie is terrible and abysmal, it wasn't even on the scale where it was fun to watch. Nay, "Space Sharks" is just straight up a terrible and ridiculous movie, that is not worth your time, money or effort. Some of us suffered through this dumpster fire of a movie, so you don't have to; you're quite welcome.

My rating of "Space Sharks" lands on an undisputed one out of ten stars.

The only conclusion I can draw from this incomprehensible waste of effort is that Eric Roberts owes somebody and is repaying the favor with his participation in this movie. This isn't like one of those Bruce Willis Post Dimentia movies, It is far worse. Although the movie tries to have a plot, the actors and dialog don't even compare to a kindergarten play. Accommodation of the fully drawn special effects on human acting Are a travesty of the film industry. Clearly someone wanted to make a movie with an iphone and just decided one day to rough sketch a story about Mutant sharks in space and fill it with marginal actors and idiotic dialog Imdb needs to provide for a negative scale rating on movies because this would be negative 1 billion. I am thoroughly appalled that this movie, but what really gets me are the Fake ratings.