Bikini Spring Brake Massaker

Hands up if you like hot women. And hands up if you enjoy excessive violence. If you haven't got both hands high in the air, then you've got the wrong film, because babes and blood is what Girls Gone Dead is all about. Although described as a comedy/horror, decent laughs and scares are in short supply, while T&A and gore fill almost every frame.

The film sees six sexy girlfriends spending spring break together being targeted by a killer brandishing a massive warhammer (a cool weapon—part axe, part hammer). That's pretty much it as far as plot is concerned, at least until the unmasking of the maniac and we get a typical slasher explanation for their killing spree.

During the course of the film we get lots of skin from some very curvaceous cuties (blonde lead Katie Peterson and brunette Brandy Whitford are smokin'!), oodles of cool blood and guts courtesy of Marcus Koch, and fun cameos from cult icons such as ex-pornstar Ron Jeremy, scream queen Linnea Quigley, and teeny-tiny bug-eyed Howard Stern regular Beetlejuice (who gets his head chopped off!).

Obviously, it's all very puerile, but since when did a film have to be sophisticated to be fun?

I seen this movie had Jerry Lawler in it. Being that I am a huge wrestling fan, I felt it my duty to check this out. I'm just going to start by rating this movie in several categories.

Gore 5/10 (effects weren't overly realistic, but still okay for the budget) Storyline 4/10 (The revelation of the killer at the end, although not a surprise was still okay.) Cinematography 8/10 (Camera work was actually pretty good) Nudity 10/10 Overall, I'd give this one a 5/10. The killer's costume and persona was not only corny and stupid but the costume itself was unbelievably stupid. It is a B movie but actually contains some great camera work. There quite a few TV commercials/cut scenes that are so stupid they are funny.

It seems most of the budget went into paying the broads to get naked, paying Jerry Lawler, and what was left went into the camera work and the cut scenes. Character "Missy" has the best set of breasts and the anticipation for when/if she was going topless was killing me more than learning where the plot of the movie was going. This is a B flick that follows loosely in the footsteps of movies like "Broken Lizard's Club Dread". I'd say if nothing more it's worth the watch simply for the nudity and the laughs. Ron Jeremy and Beetlejuice (Howard Stern) are in it as well, although it's obvious they were just there for comedic relief. Enjoy!

Watching bad horror movies is like my favorite pastime but some movies are just so bad that they aren't even fun to watch. And yes, this is one of those movies.

The problem is that this is a very self aware movie. It deliberately tries to be bad and like a B-movie, which often is an approach that doesn't work out too well for these type of movies and make them annoying, rather than fun and entertaining, as clearly also is being the case for this movie.

The movie definitely doesn't play out as a serious and straightforward slasher. It's taking more of a comedy approach, with as a problem that none of the comedy is very good or clever. The movie its most fun moments are its cameo's by cult figures, such as the awesome Beetlejuice, Ron Jeremy and Sal Governale. But of course cameos can't save a movie and I think I would had actually preferred this movie done as a straightforward slasher. That way the movie at least would had been something more entertaining and thrilling to watch and might had resulted in some better gore and killings as well. There is now far more nudity than gore or blood in this movie really.

Everything in this movie gets extremely exaggerated, which gets truly tiresome after a while. I got fed up with this movie, about halfway through and it did absolutely nothing to ever win me back.

The movie is also definitely lacking a good and likable main character in it. It's all over the place with its story and characters, as if the film-makers were having a bit too much of a good time shooting this movie, which went at the expensive of the quality and eventual end result. It's not really following a good and clear enough main storyline, which only makes the movie more annoying to watch.

Really, I can truly appreciate the passion craftsmanship that went into a bad horror production but I just can't respect or like a movie that deliberately tries to come across as a silly and bad B-movie flick. It just feels far too forced and desperate, making the movie a far from good or fun one to watch.

3/10

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When did rambunctious rock and roll music replace collective and subtle horror movie synth and serve as the main source of suspense when something is happening? And for that matter, when did it become hip and fun to show dozens upon dozens of bare breasts and buttocks mindlessly in a horror film? Girls Gone Dead takes both of these things and incorporates them into a rather ordinary, yet interesting horror film, almost as if there is a good, successful film struggling to overcome the weight of the lukewarm one on top of it.

The story concerns Rebecca (Katie Petersen). a young woman who has been kept tied down with harsh restrictions and a tight religious upbringing by her mother. Rebecca and many of her friends, all of whom ex-cheerleaders, plan to vacation in Manatee Creek, a place where one of the girl's daddies owns a beach-house. When the girls discover Manatee Creek is a retirement community and there is almost no fun to be had. They get the bright idea to drive down to Daytona, Florida where celebrity Beetlejuice (played by himself) is filming "Crazy Girls Unlimited," a series where girls flash every part of their body in exchange for fifteen minutes of fame. Alas, there is a stalker who is repeatedly turning up in a red cloak and an ancient weapon straight out of a grim reaper novel, and the body count begins to start.

It takes the film a good hour before even a sign of a climax appears, but in the mean time, we are bombarded with shot after shot of gratuitous nudity. It wasn't long ago I saw Piranha 3DD, a film that had me wincing at the lack of intensity, depth, and interest. All those things had been traded for gutter-minded idiocy and unnecessary female nudity. I return to my original question; when did this become a regular addition in horror films to the point where few people address it anymore? Is it just assumed from the start that audience members who will eventually pay a nice amount of money to see a horror film couldn't care less about depth and structure but more about shallow and pointless nudity? When we are finally met with consistent kills, everything happens so fast, lacks credible suspense, and becomes no different than a number of slashers that already exist. When the film does start to get mildly deep and interesting is when dialog starts to come into play during the last act, but again, the film prefers to go the way of many other low-budget horror films. That way is quick cuts, no build-up, and relentless monotony.

The characters we are supposed to sympathize with are flyweight mannequins who talk in a way that perfectly mimics stuck up girls; with a sarcastic tone in their voice and a pause between every three or four words. The dialog is solely crafted either off of redundant swear words or miserably contrived efforts to be hip in such childish insults, uttered, again, by the flyweight mannequin characters.

Girls Gone Dead could definitely be rendered as an effective piece of horror by those searching for some cheesy escapism. More power to them and I wish them a pleasant evening of viewing. The film is certainly more surprising and a tad more interesting than most straight-to-DVD titles, not to mention, the special effects work is fitfully satisfying in some parts. Its problems stem from how easily distracted it gets with scantily clad girls, its lack of suspense, how long the entire thing takes to get going, and the indifferent methods it takes to try and engage the viewer. And don't get me started on the abundance of credit cookies the film breathlessly throws at the audience after the show should be long over.

Starring: Katie Peterson, Caley Hayes, Shawn C. Phillips, Ron Jeremy, Beetlejuice, Sal the Stockbroker, and Jerry Lawler. Directed by: Michael Hoffman Jr. and Aaron T. Wells.

Ho-ho, what a great opening for this flick, A girl entering a church were everything seems normal suddenly changes into a black mass and one girl has to die, full frontal gratuitous nudity combined with gore so it surely had my attention. But then the girl that entered the church wakes up, it was a nightmare.

From there on we got all clichés. The virgin looking girl becoming the hot chick. being warned not to go to a place because it's weird. Scantily clad girls....cell phones placed in cleavage, swimming pool swim turns into breast showing, you know what I mean, it's one for the boys because boobs do act better than the girls but they do forget it has to be a horror as stated on the DVD. I never watched it for the comedy because by now we all know that horror and comedy mostly doesn't work out that good.

When the killer enters it do has a few nasty moments and it all looks good but it's the acting that tears this down and the slowness of the flick itself. What attracted me more were the well known faces, Ron Jeremy, Beetlejuice, Linnea Quigley and I can go on and on.

At the end of the day, no horror, bad acting, when the killing comes in it's okay and bloody, but overall its watching girls showing their tits from A till C cup and walking around in bikini's. Not that much blood running but i'm sure that some guys watching this will their blood have running to one place....

Gore 1,5/5 Nudity 3/5 Effects 1,5/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5