Bikini Spring Brake Massaker

I have a friend who believes that bad movies have to be ignored when it comes to writing a review, advising me numerously: "Don't glorify junk". I used to disagree with him, debating that even the junkest movies have to be reviewed; to learn about the different faces of "bad", to chronicle a movie despite its low quality, to spread awareness, or to register your opinion anyway.

This round, I swear, for the very first time in my life as a reviewer, I feel that he's right. Because just writing about (Girls Gone Dead) seems like a glorification of junk, rather filth!

So it's a slasher. And there are the forever usual goods: naked girls + cruel murders. Namely: nudity + gore. In more pure words: sex and violence. BUT made in the worst worst worst Z-movies' traditions!

The production is surreal. The sex factor is beyond inhuman. The performance is extremely painful. Long story short; the artistic everything is what really "Gone Dead"!

After Quentin Tarantino's (Grindhouse - 2007), as if a wave of so proud nonsense was born through many independent companies. They thought that they were making the genre badly, yet in a respected self-parodying and honoring manner. However, they impudently forgot to do anything right in the way!

The wicked subtlety was replaced by stubborn primitiveness. And parodying the stupidity was done by frank true stupidity. For little instance, some of the special effects look gross-out, not because it tries to cinematically look gross-out, but because they're actually gross-out!

The cyclopean marathon of "which was the worst?" doesn't end. I mean, was it the black midget?, was it the comedy?, was it the girls? No, it was my status while watching all of that, where "great" is deserved being said about one thing, and one thing only, in this movie: its superpower to make you vomit!

This is incredibly poor, abysmally dirty, and deadly ugly. As a horror, horror-parody, or even too-bad-it's-good movie; IT'S LOUSY. Though, to find any appropriate definition for it; I can say that it's a parody of the horror-parody, so horrifically bad, and no comic at all!

It kills you by ugliness; and what a cruel killing that is.

I seen this movie had Jerry Lawler in it. Being that I am a huge wrestling fan, I felt it my duty to check this out. I'm just going to start by rating this movie in several categories.

Gore 5/10 (effects weren't overly realistic, but still okay for the budget) Storyline 4/10 (The revelation of the killer at the end, although not a surprise was still okay.) Cinematography 8/10 (Camera work was actually pretty good) Nudity 10/10 Overall, I'd give this one a 5/10. The killer's costume and persona was not only corny and stupid but the costume itself was unbelievably stupid. It is a B movie but actually contains some great camera work. There quite a few TV commercials/cut scenes that are so stupid they are funny.

It seems most of the budget went into paying the broads to get naked, paying Jerry Lawler, and what was left went into the camera work and the cut scenes. Character "Missy" has the best set of breasts and the anticipation for when/if she was going topless was killing me more than learning where the plot of the movie was going. This is a B flick that follows loosely in the footsteps of movies like "Broken Lizard's Club Dread". I'd say if nothing more it's worth the watch simply for the nudity and the laughs. Ron Jeremy and Beetlejuice (Howard Stern) are in it as well, although it's obvious they were just there for comedic relief. Enjoy!

Part of me was semi-intrigued, being someone who is no stranger to slasher films and has liked quite a lot and the idea interested me somewhat despite being ridiculous. A large part of me was apprehensive though, having heard it was not good and that it looked like one of those cheap and overdone films with a muddled tone.

Which, when watching it, was what 'Girls Gone Dead' essentially was. It is not a complete waste of time. It is also a long way from a good film as well. 'Girls Gone Dead' may not have insulted my intelligence and there are certainly far worse films. However, if it was trying to entertain, scare or both, 'Girls Gone Dead' failed quite badly on both counts, making the film, despite a few decent things, a chore to sit through. Am not hating or trying to be malicious, it is just my genuine stance on a film that didn't do anything for me as well as many others.

'Girls Gone Dead' doesn't look too awful, the photography and editing are not award-worthy but neither are too amateurish in quality. Some of the music is catchy.

The best thing are a couple of the cameos. In particular Beetlejuice and Sal injecting a much needed trashy charm.

However, the rest of the acting, from particularly the leads, is both overplayed and stiff. In all fairness they were hindered by hammy direction, constantly awkward and limp dialogue and that the film has no interesting or likeable character whatsoever.

The script is childish, flabby and even improvisatory-sounding. The story is not much of one and takes forever to get going, when it finally does it is not for long and it is too late to care. 'Girls Gone Dead' seemed like a comedy mixed with slasher horror, and over-emphasises the comedy too much.

Sadly, the comedy is not even close to being strong enough to make this imbalance not matter, it is completely witless, childish and so overdone it gets exhausting. The more horror-like elements are a long way from tense or suspenseful, generating little interest even. The kills were not creative and would go as far to say they were too tame, while the things there to by the film's definition "spice things up" (especially the nudity) came over as gratuitous and abused.

Overall, weak with nothing wild or killer. 3/10 Bethany Cox

Hands up if you like hot women. And hands up if you enjoy excessive violence. If you haven't got both hands high in the air, then you've got the wrong film, because babes and blood is what Girls Gone Dead is all about. Although described as a comedy/horror, decent laughs and scares are in short supply, while T&A and gore fill almost every frame.

The film sees six sexy girlfriends spending spring break together being targeted by a killer brandishing a massive warhammer (a cool weapon—part axe, part hammer). That's pretty much it as far as plot is concerned, at least until the unmasking of the maniac and we get a typical slasher explanation for their killing spree.

During the course of the film we get lots of skin from some very curvaceous cuties (blonde lead Katie Peterson and brunette Brandy Whitford are smokin'!), oodles of cool blood and guts courtesy of Marcus Koch, and fun cameos from cult icons such as ex-pornstar Ron Jeremy, scream queen Linnea Quigley, and teeny-tiny bug-eyed Howard Stern regular Beetlejuice (who gets his head chopped off!).

Obviously, it's all very puerile, but since when did a film have to be sophisticated to be fun?

Watching bad horror movies is like my favorite pastime but some movies are just so bad that they aren't even fun to watch. And yes, this is one of those movies.

The problem is that this is a very self aware movie. It deliberately tries to be bad and like a B-movie, which often is an approach that doesn't work out too well for these type of movies and make them annoying, rather than fun and entertaining, as clearly also is being the case for this movie.

The movie definitely doesn't play out as a serious and straightforward slasher. It's taking more of a comedy approach, with as a problem that none of the comedy is very good or clever. The movie its most fun moments are its cameo's by cult figures, such as the awesome Beetlejuice, Ron Jeremy and Sal Governale. But of course cameos can't save a movie and I think I would had actually preferred this movie done as a straightforward slasher. That way the movie at least would had been something more entertaining and thrilling to watch and might had resulted in some better gore and killings as well. There is now far more nudity than gore or blood in this movie really.

Everything in this movie gets extremely exaggerated, which gets truly tiresome after a while. I got fed up with this movie, about halfway through and it did absolutely nothing to ever win me back.

The movie is also definitely lacking a good and likable main character in it. It's all over the place with its story and characters, as if the film-makers were having a bit too much of a good time shooting this movie, which went at the expensive of the quality and eventual end result. It's not really following a good and clear enough main storyline, which only makes the movie more annoying to watch.

Really, I can truly appreciate the passion craftsmanship that went into a bad horror production but I just can't respect or like a movie that deliberately tries to come across as a silly and bad B-movie flick. It just feels far too forced and desperate, making the movie a far from good or fun one to watch.

3/10

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