Blubberella

German director Uwe Boll has a reputation for prolifically turning out films that are, shall we say, unsatisfactory. He has worked with reputable actors and sizable budgets, yet all his films fail to convey, if anything, the joy of film making. It saddens me to say that the flick Blubberella epitomizes this total failure.

I have seen many bad movies in my life; some so bad they became good, some bad in a campy way, some just plain crap, but Blubberella is none of that. It is uninspired, clumsy (and not in a quaint way), fake and most of all BORING. Uwe Boll must have had his sense of humor surgically removed to be able to produce such an utterly unfunny comedy.

I can rage against bad films when they have redeeming qualities, or when there was a start of an idea, a good intention. Blubberella is just absolutely nothing.

This film obviously had a budget. They filmed on location in Croatia, more sets than I can remember, and even paid Ron Howard's creepy bro to be horrible in it- but how does this film get made??? Set in WWII but there are laptops, they have sex with clothes on but it's supposed to be real with orgasm, they are slapping people as a running gag but it was never funny. The editing was so disjointed...or was it the actual plot. And just because you're fat doesn't necessarily mean you are funny. A fat dancing woman isn't always funny either. All these over-the-top characters aren't funny because the actors don't go all the way with them. They don't have the training and confidence so it doesn't fly. And people are drifting in and out of accents so you don't know if it's a gag or if they are just bad. I say it's all bad, an unfunny comedy with a terrible plot, horrid acting and disjointed filmmaking.

I thought I've seen the worst of film. Yet Ewe Boll manages to take the title ONCE AGAIN. In a story that was written by a horny bi-curious teenager, "Bluberella" is a 90-minute failure that couldn't be enjoyed by a stoned 20-something college student (and they can enjoy A LOT). Not even fit for the independent venue, this "film" wouldn't get a "D" in an Intro to Fiction class. A mixture of ad-lib dialog tied with random shots and a C+ actor (Clint Howard), this film not only leaves much to be desired, but a basic foundation of cinema as well. If Boll wanted to fight me as he so often said he would to his "critical reviewers", I would gladly take the opportunity to put this so-called director in his place. Your move, Mr. Boll, Your move...

An obese half-vampire bisexual living in WWII Nazi Germany with cell-phone service, internet access, a 2001 Apple clamshell iBook and a Segway.

Even though the lead actress Lindsay Hollister took pains to try to change the movie title, and she publicized that she only took the part because it was difficult for plus-sized actresses to find roles, she is an utter jewel in this movie with her comic timing.

Willam Belli is a stereotype chameleon (swishy queen, blackface mammy, blackface thug, etc.) playing off of Hollister so well, between them they make the movie.

The bonus in the movie was Clint Howard as the Josef Mengele analogue. Half playing it straight dramatic and half doing comic Nazi goose steps.

"Blubberella" is a lot of politically incorrect fun, and you'll get a lot of laughs as long as you know what you're in for.

I have seen a lot of bad pictures over my 50+ years, but this one absolutely takes the cake. I have seen all of Ed Wood's terrible movies, and even those are better than this. At least Wood's movies were laughable, albeit unintentionally. This movie tries to get laughs, gets none, and is possibly the most tedious, boring and useless movie ever put to celluloid. Rarely will I walk out on a movie less than a third of the way into it, but this movie is so bad, it was actually painful to watch. I feel bad for Ronny Howard's brother, who must have been desperate for work to have taken this acting job. This movie is a colossal waste of time. Even if you are bored to tears, this would only make it worse!