Oppai Chanbara

It was easy to get take in by the pretty ladies on the DVD box and the title - Oppai Chanbara - Striptease Samurai Squad could have some potential. Sadly there isn't a squad in movie and there isn't much stripteasing. It's one lone gal trying to help protect a village from a gang of robbers. Lili is learning sword fighting in modern Japan. Her grandmother tells her about a special fighting style that only women use and magically transports her 300 years back in time. Lili meets her ancestors and fights the robbers. Lili's special sword fighting style features her whipping open the front of her kimono and showing her breasts. Delightful as that is there isn't much to keep your interest in the rest of the movie. It's so dull that the 66 minute running time seems to take forever. The sword fighting is awful too. The poor stunt men have to carry the show. Lucky for them they don't have any dialog and as soon as they're stabbed they get to leave the movie. I stayed to the end and I'm probably the worse for it. Still the gals were pretty and that's why it got a 4, it deserves a 3.

First off, let's dash a few hopes: the English title for Oppai Chanbara: Striptease Samurai Squad is a bit misleading. If you envisioned a band of roving topless samurai laying waste to their enemies, you will be sorely disappointed. In fact, there are only two striptease samurai in the film – not much of a squad, really.

Oppai Chanbara is a spoof of the popular (in Japan, at least) video game series Onechanbara. However, familiarity with Onechanbara is not required to understand or enjoy Oppai Chanbara. In fact, all that's really needed to get the most from this film is a few beers and relatively low expectations. Akira Hirose directs this low-budget action-comedy, featuring AV stars Ryo Akanishi (Injured Dolls, Sexual Nurse Clinic 3) and Ruru Anao (Super Tits Body Special, Bako Bako Orgy), which somehow manages to be not quite as bad as one would expect. Oppai Chanbara has a certain sleazy charm that manages to make it almost appealing.

It's her 20th birthday and Lili (Akanishi) is about to inherit the Sayama Hashin-ryu sword style. What is the Sayama Hashin-ryu sword style, you ask? Well, as the film makes clear on several occasions, Sayama Hashin-ryu is, at its core, a sword style used to kill people… (ahem) with your boobs. Well, that's not exactly right. Lili doesn't actually kill people with her boobs. They serve as more of a distraction technique than anything else… probably because they glow. Yep, you read that correctly, her boobs glow.

During her initiation ceremony, Lili's grandmother gives her a mysterious box, warning her to open it only when faced with a true predicament. After drinking some rather questionable green tea, she is transported back to the era of ronin, ninjas, and uncomfortable male underpants where she finds herself alone in a forest, buck naked with only the box for company. She soon encounters the very pregnant Yae (Mina Asa), fleeing the clutches of the evil Yamishika gang. Judging herself to be in a true predicament, Lili opens the box and before our very eyes a striptease samurai is born! An epic battle of boobs vs. ninjas ensues, during which Lili experiences her first kill, leading to deep personal introspection which culminates in her revelation that Sayama Hashin-ryu is indeed, at its core, a sword style used to kill people.

The Yamishika gang flees and Lili is escorted to Iida village by Yae and her brother Hikoichi (Shouichi Matsuda). Hikoichi loans Lili his prized polka-dot handkerchief, sparking a love interest that is later solidified when he proves himself a talented musician by playing a heartrending composition on what I can only assume was a blade of grass. Needless to say, the Yamishika gang aren't about to go out like a bunch of punk-bitches. They soon return to Iida village with their leader, the ninja queen Lady Kinu (Anao) in tow, swearing to murder a villager every day until their extortion demands are met. More boob-based combat ensues and Lili vows to save Iida village from Lady Kinu and her gang.

Oppai Chanbara is certainly nothing to write home about, but might appeal to fans of low-budget Japanese ninja-chick flicks and softcore AV addicts. The acting is about what you would expect from a couple of AV stars and a bunch of nobodies (my apologies, Mr. Matsuda). The fight choreography is decent and there are a few genuinely funny moments. Also, I never really got tired of admiring Ryo Akanishi's... um, swordplay. Gorehounds take note: despite all the swords and shurikens, there's very little blood, and no gore, to speak of. I guess Hirose spent most of his special-effects budget on boob-lights, but I can't really hold that against him.

A girl swords woman Lili finds herself in the samurai era Japan after drinking a tea that her mother made. She finds herself face to face with the founder of the very sword fighting style she's about to inherit.

Olili is a Jr. college student living in modern day Japan. She's about to become the heir to the sword fighting school that's been in her family for 300 years. The sword style can only be wielded by a woman, because you need to become topless to bring its power out. She finds herself naked, and in the world 300 years before her time after drinking the tea her mother made for her. In this world she meets Okinu, the original founder of Sayama Hasshinryu sword fighting style. Olili must fight Okinu, but what will happen to her if she kills the very founder of the sword fighting style she's about to inherit ?

It's not the best but not the worst of erotic samurai saga that Japan's been producing for the past 6-7 years. Many of the actresses are quite good looking, and decent actors. It's a soft porn mixed with samurai story. There're usually good plot, and plenty of breast exposures.

Japan has found a successful formula in transforming its most enduring movie format into modern day eye candy entertainment.

Only in Japan would something like this be spawned.

I think you have to be a Japanese teenage boy to fully appreciate this movie, because there is very little to appeal to anyone with a rational mind or any kind of appreciation for the cinema.

The story in "Chanbara Striptease" ("Oppai Chanbara") is about a twenty year old girl named Lili who drinks tea and is mysteriously transported back in time to a small village in 18th century Japan. The village is terrorized by ninjas and their sadistic, evil geisha leader. Lile decides to protect the village using her skills with a katana and her magical boobies!

Wait, what? Are you serious? ... Unfortunately, yes. That was the storyline. Nothing much to brew a solid story foundation on.

And truth be told, this movie is basically just about showing off women's breasts and showing prolonged softcore sex scenes. It was unbearable to suffer through. The dialogue was grotesquely halting and stupid, and it wasn't really helped along by any overly amazing acting performances. At best, the acting was mediocre. The sword fights were amateurish and will have you laughing most of the time. But most importantly is the magical breasts, that have to be flashed in every single sword fight and then they start to light up with a magical light. It was just so bad. But of course, it is a live-action Manga, so it is supposed to be extreme.

"Chanbara Striptease" is not, as I mentioned earlier, just for everyone. There is a very narrow target audience for this particular genre of movies. I am sure that it is great entertainment for some, but for me, it was a laugh-fest. I couldn't take this movie serious for one second.