The Perfect House

I never once knew what the hell was going on in this movie, but the guy with no eyelids was disgusting.

The name of this movie should have been "Weed Whacker."

Most directors have a goal in mind when they make their movie, and if the movie does what it should in terms of entertainment, then we call that movie a success.

Unfortunately for this film, the director makes the mistake of trying to disturb you and terrify you with graphic scenes of torture and gore.

Ho hum. It's been done before, and many times even better than this.

Disturbing the viewer is a good goal in a horror flick. But extended scenes about torture and gore bore-me-half-to-death. When I can flip forward through entire scenes and be like, "Ok, so long story short, she dies this way, he dies that way, killer does this, killer does that.." and get the entire story without actually needing to watch it, then we have a very shallow idea on the screen indeed. I can literally skip entire scenes and miss nothing, and the rest of the movie still makes perfect sense. In other words, there is no point to this movie except extended scenes of suffering and gore. You may skip them or watch them at your discretion, but why bother watching them when they really add nothing? It's really just more gratuitous than effective, and if you are the sort of person who actually enjoys watching it then I suggest you get your head checked.

The Perfect House is a 2013 horror anthology film directed by Kris Hulbert (First Timers) & Randy Kent (Ten Cent Hitman, Life, Death and Mini-Golf, Life of Lemon, & Shadow of the Monarch). Newlyweds, Mike (played by: William A. Robertson from The Rising & Black Marigolds) & Marisol (played by: Andrea Vahl from First Timers & Criminal Intention) take a tour of their dream house. The frisky Real Estate Agent (played by: Monique Parent from Vicious Kiss, Mirror, Mirror III, James Dean: Race with Destiny, & Jurassic City) is willing to do anything to sell this house. They find out that their perfect house has a brutal & unsettling past.

The history of this house of horrors is revealed during three different generations of cursed families that suffered through this hell in this unlucky environment. "The Storm" is the story of a dysfunctional family (Kris Smith from Lady Krampus & My Friend Dahmer, Timothy Dugan from FrightWorld & Prisoners of the Dead, Michael Wagner, & Alex Victoria) trying to survive deadly weather outside in their basement for shelter. Unfortunately, the storm is the least of this families worries when it comes to destruction. Hidden secrets & verbal abuse haunt this unit. Sometimes kids can only take so much from their parents.

"Chic-Ken" is a tale of the unknown serial killer & real life monster John Doesy (played by: Jonathan Tiersten from Sleepaway Camp, Return to Sleepaway Camp, Blood Reservoir, & Terror Tales). He can't control his crazy urges as his body count starts to grow. The evil that exists but no one recognizes him for what he really is. One victim (played by: Holly Greene from The Cutting Room) is lasting longer than the others. She's his "muse" & only audience to his unforgettable acts. Can she escape this madness or is she starting to enjoy it too much?

"Dinner Guests" is the final demented warning of this bad location. Mom (played by: Felissa Rose from Sleepaway Camp, Return to Sleepaway Camp, Victor Crowely, Death House, Silent Night, Zombie Night, & Dahmer vs. Gacy) & Dad (played by: John Philbin from The Return of the Living Dead, Children of the Corn, Point Break, & Tombstone) with their kids just made the wrong choice. Never trust a neighbor, always return their garden tools, & eat at home. Sometimes that normal looking guy (played by: Dustin Stevens from R. S. V. P., Keepers of the Light, & Pastor Damien) next door isn't exactly all there. A routine situation such as a meal can turn into a living nightmare. What happens when that mask of sanity slips off & it can end up dangerous when real dark desires are shown behind closed doors.

I am a big fan of horror anthologies & The Perfect House didn't disappoint. The anthology film is a great opportunity to mix sub genres into one production. You get a little bit of everything in this including survival, torture, revenge & the evil house that changes everyone in it's environment. I appreciated that each segment had a different dark angle to provide for it's overall presentation. "Chic-Ken" & "Dinner Guests" were tied for my favorites from this movie. It was good to see a mini reunion for Sleepaway Camp & Return to Sleepaway Camp co-stars despite being in separate stories. Both Felissa Rose & Jonathan Tiersten gave their best performances in The Perfect House. This is a very mean spirited movie, it's full of unlikable characters that you don't care what happens to them. Which is good considering how gruesome & insane this is. Fans of hardcore gore & nasty special effects will be very pleased by The Perfect House!!!!

The perfect house is another movie, of the thousands already, with an "evil" house having his sway on its residents behavior. The kind of movies, labeled as horror, that i believe what i am going to see, i have already seen it before, but i watch them, just for fun and because i want to.

And this movie is no exception of the rule. Predictable, bad acting, poor story and nothing original. The acting is so awful, especially when the victims are in danger and threatened to be killed, where no action or reaction comes from them. It has some good gory and torture moments, but nothing you haven't seen before, and it was better than this one of course. All movies, especially horror ones, have many similar scenes and stories, and influence is logic and acceptable. But mixing in a movie, stuff from well known movies, like Hostel, Saw, and Braindead for example, doesn't make it any good or unique. Also there's is a total rip off from Dexter, a really bad one and terribly executed.

I am always eager to fresh ideas in a theme that's already been written and seen before too many times, hoping to see something new with a different twist or view, but most of the times, it fails. An evil house, without explanation of its evilness, it's not something people will follow.

Except the gory moments, another good thing in the movie, is the sexy Monique Parent, the real estate woman, but a sexy woman, is not enough or the reason for someone to watch a horror movie.

A total pass from me, and the creators of each low budget and less promotional horror movies, doesn't have to create different accounts to write propagandic reviews and give high ratings, so they can trick people to watch their films.

2 out of 10.

An excellent film. This has been made for horror fans by this legendary filmmaker. This film should be seen more often and taught in film schools. I wish I was a fly on the wall to witness the art of crafting such a brilliant thing.