Fingernails

Sufficient, only for the presence of Jessie Buckley, who is truly magnificent! The film is along the lines of that little masterpiece that is Perfect Sense, but much simpler, not superficial but... too simple. Let's say it could be a good episode of Black Mirror, but nothing more. The direction and acting are very good, but it's all too clear from the start. Slow film, at times soporific, but not boring, full of good intentions, but never takes flight. At least they avoided honeyed and ridiculous scenes. The plot is a little ridiculous, but perhaps it is intentional, a metaphor of how the modern generation uses technology not to help itself, but to guide its own life, entrusting its own free will to dubious scientific theses relating to the human soul, at least as the film shows them. Jessie Buckley is beautiful!!!

No, sorry. This is just plain daft! "Anna" (Jessie Buckley) is living with "Ryan" (Jeremy Allen White) having got their certificate. What certificate? Well it's one that certifies that they are a love match! She was a teacher, but is now job hunting - so when an opportunity to work at the very facility that empowered their affection comes up, she heads straight to the office of boss "Duncan" (Luke Wilson) where she insists she would be great at "training" the couples who come to have their own relationships finessed and evaluated so they, too, can be verified. She is duly employed and paired with the inspirational and charismatic "Amir" (Riz Ahmed) - who clearly has his own secret to keep, too! What now ensues just lacks any sense of credibility and, for me, any attempts at satire just fell flat, quickly. The tests are fun, though. In a room where all are clad in just their smalls, "Rob" (Christian Meer) has to quite literally sniff out his girlfriend whilst keeping his eyes closed; another sees people charged with keeping eye contact whilst immersed in ten foot of cold water - presumably more preoccupied with not literally drowning in a sea of love! The coup-de-grasses? Well that's the crunch time when they wrench one of your fingernails - don't worry, you get to choose which one - from each person's hand then insert them into a microwave-oven looking gadget that looks like a cast-off from "Space 1999" before it announces - 0%, 50% or the dreamt for 100% - and that's bliss!. The point of all this being that it could end divorce and unhappy marriages for ever. Once in love, always in love...! Hmmm? Buckley reminds us, occasionally, that she has a fine singing voice and Ahmed is easy enough on the eye (reductive, I know - but we really don't have much else) but the story is just ridiculous, and that grown up adults would ever treat with such preposterous scenarios is just too far-fetched. It's not in anyway a comedy, and the predictable romantic elements come with way too much physical, collateral, damage. It is even almost earnest at times and after half an hour I realised why I was watching this in a cinema by myself. Nice to hear a bit of Alison Moyet on big screen sound, but that's about the height of this. He really needs to get his car window fixed, too!

Greetings again from the darkness. Certifiable love. Trust the science. Anna and Ryan are in love and they have the certification (and sore fingers) to prove it. One minor problem is that they don't seem to have much in common, other than a love for the fatty parts of a well-cooked steak. And even this common ground leads to a certain dishonesty. Writer-director Christos Nikou and his APPLES co-writer Stavros Raptis, along with co-writer Sam Steiner, have given us a film that appears to lean heavily into science-fiction, while also poking a bit of skepticism that direction.

Most of this film didn't work for me, however, the depth that the two lead actors, Jessie Buckley (I frequently recommend WILD ROSE, 2018) and Riz Ahmed (SOUND OF METAL, 2020, and an Oscar winner for his short film THE LONG GOODBYE, 2021), bring such an intimacy and sincerity to their scenes that we can almost overlook the absurdity of the story. And maybe that's the point.

Anna (Ms. Buckley) has recently lost her job as a teacher, and when she lands the job she wants as a trainer at The Love Institute, she opts not to tell her husband Ryan (Jeremy Allen White, "Shameless"). The Love Institute is run by Duncan (Luke Wilson) and the mission is to test couples for scientific compatibility in a long-term relationship. This is done by pulling a fingernail from each and testing in a machine invented by Duncan (don't worry, he is always looking to improve it). The idea is that science can take the guesswork out of relationships and put folks at ease that they found the "right" partner.

Of course, as soon as we see Anna and Amir (Mr. Ahmed) working alongside each other, we know where this is headed. The two actors are terrific together and excel at selective gazing, while maintaining professionalism. Science, chemistry, and biology all play a role here, but the thought that folks would volunteer to have their fingernails yanked out (while biting a block of wood) is ludicrous, even if the film opens by telling us fingernails often display the first symptoms of heart issues (physical not emotional). The film is evidently supposed to prove yet again that matters of romance are beyond the scope of science, even in movies.

Opens on AppleTV+ beginning November 3, 2023.

Fingernails started out with a pretty good premise--check your love for each other by testing an entire (painfully-removed) fingernail.

Jeremy Allen White (Lip from SHAMELESS) sleep-walks through his part in this story (not his fault, however) playing the sad, but happy, spouse.

Jessie Buckley appears to have gone to a blind chimpanzee to have her hair glued up sideways, and it never got better. The bed-head surely distracted from her appearance and acting ability.

As the story painfully progressed to the predictable conclusion, you are left asking yourself "Why didn't I stay home and floss the cat?" or "If they'd just turn down the air conditioning I could take a 90-minute nap in this building".

If this story had been well written, I'd have liked the leads together very much. Sadly, it was not well written. I'm a scifi geek and I normally can suspend disbelief and don't care about the science, nor the premise, all that much. In this case, the way this story is written, a five year old child would question the test. I agree with other reviewers that the fact that none of the film's own characters question it strains the disbelief several steps too far, particularly considering how low tech this particular method of this trope is portrayed here. Since most of the characters appear miserable (agree with 'bleak world'), it's extremely depressing and drags on so badly. I cannot imagine a GOOD reason to watch this film. Further, if a large number of people watched it together, say in a theater, I would suggest putting the group on suicide watch.