The Pit and the Pendulum

Just awful... not even good in a bad way. Fails on all counts, and why it's even _called_ "The Pit & the Pendulum" is complete mystery to me. Full of stupid dialog that doesn't even make sense, amateurish acting, lots of shots of a cardboard pendulum swinging back and forth for no reason, and laughable attempts at soft-core porn, apparently directed by a 12-year-old. The worst crime this movie commits, however... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENS!!

I pity the person who had the job of editing this tripe together, and whoever wrote it ought to be embarrassed beyond words.

Anyone who rated this more than 1 star should seek immediate help, and I suspect those who rated it 1 only did so because there's no zero.

Alright, well I will start out with the bad things about this movie. First, it is hardly more than a sleazefest. There is way too much unnecessary nudity and homosexuality. Don't get me wrong, I got nothing against gays and lesbians, but the excessive images of guys kissing guys and girls kissing girls, is just too much in this movie! It totally brings the movie down to a sleazy level. It is just one notch over a softcore porn movie! The good things in the movie would definitely be the music. The score for this movie is quite nice, and works well throughout the entire movie. Also, the set and scenery is quite nice, especially the constant ticking of clocks throughout the movie.

As for the cast, well that was adequate as well, and most of them actually performed alright, although the dialogue was not always the best kind of dialogue for such a movie.

Now, I think this movie should not have any association with Edgar Allan Poe's classic work of horror. I am sure that he is turning over as this movie is being played. There is little part of this movie that bears any resemblance to Poe's work.

As for a horror movie, this is not scary at all. There are no thrills or scares in the movie. So I am not recommending this particularly, unless you got an hour and a half that you just have to kill with nothing better to do. Sure there are worse movies out there, but "The Pit and the Pendulum" falls to the ground in several areas.

Sure, the aspect of psychological terror and thrills shine through the movie, but they are hardly keeping the movie afloat. I was sorely disappointed with this movie. But now I have seen it, and can honestly say that this is a movie that I will not put into my DVD player again.

A David Decoteau movie that's actually quite good? I wouldn't rate it as high as it is on here, I'd give it a 6, maybe a six and a half, but because this is a real improvement on David's last few movies I'll be generous and give a 7. But really, it's a six.

Anyhoo - all the usual Decoteau elements are here: buff guys, one location (same one that was used in his House of Usher and Alien Presence - he must shoot them back to back), non-existent budget, blue hues etc. Big difference though are two things: good story and a much better cast.

The story is straight out of Amicus. A screw-loose hypnotist invites a bunch of extreme sports enthusiasts (including a storm chaser - wtf?) to a mansion where she bumps them off one by one. She tries to hypnotize them to break the pain barrier, because apparently she feels no pain and wants to create someone just like her, because she's lonely and obviously mad. Gender isn't important - she tries it on with the chicks too. The movie is full of references to anything to do with time (pendulum, hypnosis, got that?) and pain (she has a thing for cactuses) There's also a ton of really wacko dialog: "The plural of cactus is cacti!" she growls at the deep sea diving lesbian (yes you read that right) and pretty much everything that comes out of the cute blond storm chaser guy's mouth is a hoot ("a tower of wind connecting the earth and the sky!"). The lines these characters come up with are really something else.

The kills are standard Decoteau - nothing bloody, but there is a modicum of suspense, mostly because some of these characters you actually want to survive, especially the lesbians. They get the best lines. Did I forget to mention that most of the characters are gay/lesbian/bisexual? Well it was cool that none of them made a point/issue of this. Would it be like that in this homophobic world we live in? No. But hey.

The cast is a cut above Decoteau's norm. Lorielle New is %100 ham and holds the movie. I think the whole budget must have gone on her wardrobe, with some loose change to buy the giant pendulum. Danielle Demski (Miss Arizona apparently) and Amy Paffrath (from Evil Bong 2) are cute drunk girls who ditch their boyfriends for each other - they're also good. The rest of the cast (all male) don't get to do much except take their clothes off, no surprise there. The wrestler guys - Tom Sandoval (from Puppet Master 10) and Michael King, (serious hottie) apart from having as much charisma as the lesbians, have a very weird scene, where they roll around on the floor for five minutes while the mad hypnotist writhes naked in a chair with a whip! Oh yeah and Greg Sestero from The Room has a cameo - more weirdness.

It's all schlocky, but there's some cool story lines going on that keep you intrigued and the cast do a good job keeping you entertained. There's hardly a slo-mo scene in sight, no filler or pointless shots of scenery, not even an extended shower scene, which is what a lot of Decoteau's previous movies have been full of.

Basically, this is an Amicus throwback - crazy dialog, weird characters and a fun contribution from the cast. It kept me entertained. More of this please, David.

Oh my! I'd like to know: Who finances these terrible movies? Who Does? When there's plenty of great directors and writers,out there, that even on the 'so called' Exploitation genre(if this is even an attempt to make an Exploitation film,since I'm not sure anymore!) could pull off some -at least- more stylistic, more erotic,more fun "guilty pleasure" type of pictures! And,who does not love to watch a real 'guilty pleasure' movie,once in a while,or even more than once a week?? But... This is just a waste! An offensive way of spending money to create virtually just, non Cinema, to damage Genre flicks' reputation, and ultimately to undress a bit morbidly, a few young actors, with broken dreams, and little talent, who try very hard not to feel sick in front of the camera. Why making such movies? And I'm a fun of cult stuff, of Horror,even of well done(and real) erotica,like certain great classic euro films from the 1960's/1970's! But this is just a misfire with no direction,and a true insult to whomever tries hard to make it in the industry. Don't ever think about renting it,even if you were a voyeur, these days,believe me, there's some excellent porn for any taste, which i give more credit for,than this ineptitude, for at least, being blunt, and deliver the thrills of what some people may enjoy watching,thinking to find it maybe more 'tastelessly produced and presented' in such productions. But,again,there's nothing here, just plain nothing. A true realm of Boredom! Maybe try to discover,instead, some new artsy erotic horror,because there's really a lot better in the Indy scene today, but not from Rapid Hearts or Regent,apparently,since,after checking their other titles,this project,which even does have the guts to say "inspired by the subliminal Edgar Allan Poe's novel", appears to be one of the better Titles available, according to other reviewers! Oh,well.. if this non movie, is what they have best to offer, maybe they should consider approaching a different business,quickly. Or, fire immediately who is in charge of making this type of choices over plots, and most of all,over directors/writers! Why would you keep giving a decent low budget to such abominable filmmaking? It is criminal. What a disappointment! What a cold,sad perception of cultural decadence,and lack of any sense or sensibility, you'd get by watching this one: Despair, that's actually, maybe,the best definition, to nail, exactly,how i felt while watching this,and even until its end,since i just wanted to be fair,and write what i was feeling with a clear mind,about these movies,that get made surprisingly so often,too often, and always, more and more awfully descending to a place of degradation. Please, Stop! And,people at Here or Logo Cable TV(showing often similar stuff): Please try to encourage movies, that do not make people feel ashamed of being gay, or of watching genre movies with a gay theme! The moral disservice and damage,done to their community, is huge, by showing, or even just endorsing such products! Sorry, i truly don't enjoy writing so badly about a film, I'd just like to see if they'd give a chance to much better stuff out there,so present at Festivals, or other events, that,sadly, does not even barely seen, by wider audiences.

Firstly, this has nothing whatsoever to do with Edgar Allan Poe or even the fabulously lurid and artistically hip Roger Corman flick from the early sixties.

Secondly, those expecting soft-core porn will be singularly disappointed. It's horribly coy and non-explicit and utterly redundant in it's puerile representations of homo-eroticism, lesbianism and sexual sado-masochism. Imagine those elements transplanted into an episode of the original Scooby Doo cartoon series and that just about illustrates the mentality.

Thirdly, if imagining a half-decent psychological-thriller, it fails on all counts. Nil psychology, zero thrills, null tension, zip suspense and nada logic.

If, however, you are on the lookout for something that is a dull, boring, atrociously acted, abysmally scripted piece of pointless junk, with no gore, no wit, no fun, no dynamic and lots of superimposed visual images of clocks and audio ticking, chiming and heartbeats on the soundtrack that will absolutely decimate your will to live, then this is the ideal ticket.

For a film to not even manage to tap the very outer reaches of the concept of exploitation cinema in order to generate the merest iota of entertainment value is some remarkable feat. And this film achieves that dubious honour. There is nothing to redeem it. Avoid.