Girls Mansion Massacre

Maybe the horror has to take a second seat to hot babes. In fact, the greatest horror is what we didn't see during the first episode of this anthology.

This film was shot at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles, and stars Holly Madison ("The Girls Next Door", "Dancing With The Stars"); Nicole Zeoli, Christina Iannuzzi, and Ashley Noel (all also in "The Girls Next Door"); and Sara Jean Underwood (Playmate of the Year 2007).

The second episode was a little better, featuring the undead. The last was routine, but it set up the ending.

Any horror buff will guess what happens next, but it was still good.

I once had a plumbing contractor who was in a band on the side and wanted to play at my wedding. It didn't work out for reasons I don't remember, but it was possible his band was really good. Still, this had NOTHING to do with his skills as a plumber. I'd say the same thing about Playboy Playmates who want to be actresses. Some of them are very good at it (two of my favorite 70's exploitation actresses were ex-Playmates-of-the-Year Claudia Jennings and Victoria Vetri). But there is NO connection between having a nice body (and being willing to show it off) and genuine acting talent--as the entire cast of this movie (pretty much all Playboy Playmates) amply demonstrates.

If this portmanteau horror movie DID NOT have an entire cast of ridiculously hot "actresses" (all culled from the pages of Playboy), it frankly wouldn't have been made at all because it's shot on video and has three incredibly lame stories and an incredibly lame frame story where sexy sorority pledges are telling "scary" stories to their sexy older sorority sisters. Strangely, there's very little nudity in this, but that wouldn't matter if the movie was any damn good at all. What's really annoying is the gratuitous NON-nudity--i.e. a sex scene, a bathtub scene, a shower scene that are all completely irrelevant to the plot, but still show nary a nipple! It's like these girls think NOT taking their clothes off, but relentlessly teasing the male audience is going to somehow make them respectable or talented actresses.

It's kind of like if my plumber had played at my wedding, and not only was his band very bad, but he then refused to finish the plumbing job (what he obviously does best), so I'd somehow take him seriously as a musician. No offense, but ridiculously hot Playboy Playmates generally need to stick to Playboy pictorials (or at least softcore porn films where the acting just doesn't matter) and leave the horror films to people who know what they're doing.

I did not have very high hopes for this film. A horror movie from the Playboy mansion? I think most people probably suspect that Playboy bunnies do not make great actresses, and indeed they do not. They are great at posing and pouting, but pretending to laugh, is sadly beyond their reach (though this might be due to having been pawed at by a 127 year old Hugh Hefner, as that would stop most people from even cracking a smile).

So if you disregard the acting, which ranges from poor to abysmal, you will have heard the stories again and again since childhood. In fact, most Halloween specials have told these stories, and often told them better. So here goes: To gain membership in a Sorority populated by plastic women in their late 20ies and early (?) 30ies (who, at least at one point, are amusingly Borg-like), three pledges must tell a scary story each. Seem familiar yet?

The first story involves an evil doll, the second a creepy castle in Transsylvania and in the third, three babysitters (ok, they're not actually babysitters, but they might as well be to make the cliché complete) get creepy phone calls.

This is far from the worst film I've seen (that honour still belongs to Unearthed), and sadly, it is not so-bad-it's-good either. Overall, I think it deserves a 3/10, because it did manage to hold my attention till the end and because it did give me a chuckle or two. However, it must be said, it is not even remotely scary. Nor is it sexy. Apparently, there is 1 blink-and-you'll-miss-it topless scene, but I blinked, so I missed it.

Unfortunately, the film was hard to get hold of here in Australia but I eventually found it online. If you're a girls next door (girls of the playboy mansion) fan, (which i am) and saw the episodes when they were filming the movie, you will enjoy watching it and seeing how Bridget's project came together. The acting was pretty dismal and the plot wasn't great, lots of naked hot girls though. Bridget gets her clothes off as well as a couple of other random actors. Unless you watch GND none of the actors / actresses will be familiar, and only 3 of the girls in the movie are from playboy. If you are looking for a horror / thriller, I wouldn't suggest it. Its not very scary or jumpy.

With all the great actors in the movie, how could it had turned out so bad ?...lol... The Only thing great about the movie is the Playboy bunnies and breast shots !... That's it... Nothing else left to say....... Pass it up unless you want to be bored to death for 80 minutes... Not only is it bad, but the direction, production, sound, and script is AWFUL at best. They stole good ideas from other movies and made them cheap. They didn't even do a good job at editing either, if they would have, the movie would have been about 5 minutes long. Guess that's why there were so many good movie references.... As at as being a "Horror" movie, not even close. The only time I was scared was when I found out my wife had noticed that I watched it, that was scary. It took my 5 days to explain why I sat thru more then 10 minutes of this crap.