The Last Seven

STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning

I could go to great pains to write a long, in depth review of The Last Seven, but it's hard to write much more about it other than my summary above. Right from the opening sequence, with one of the lead characters wondering around a deserted London shouting out for 'anybody!', just like in the aforementioned film, it just feels like such a pale imitation of it that it hurts. In fact, it's almost as if the director knew he was practically copying it scene for scene and just gave up bothering to tell any sort of decent story of his own. As such, it just goes through the motions of the post apocalyptic thriller genre, with the usual stereo-typical set up and characters, without firmly establishing the back story behind the majority of humanity being wiped out and making no sense. Most baffling is Danny Dyer's role as some sort of blood crazed zombie type character, probably the most mysterious thing about the whole uninspired mess. *

I actually thought the opening scenes were brilliant and fascinating to watch, albeit he was wandering streets around Bank which are deserted for much of any weekend, but enough to reel you in & put yourself in the position, particularly on Tower Bridge.

But the film then achieves a feat, surely never done before but going rapidly downhill the moment other characters & words are introduced into the plot.

It never really goes anywhere after that, the opening 50 minutes felt more like the opening episode of The Last Train, Survivor, or a relatively low budget TV mini series, when you realise there's only 30 minutes left and the film hasn't really started.

It then all gets even sillier, even more unrealistic and uninterested characters, you've never cared one iota for disappear with the help of over the top editing and flashbacks.

You can't help wondering why not one of them, ever got into a car or on a bike and rode off somewhere, instead of walking for 10 minutes, then stopping to rest for a few hours.

Worth watching for the first 15 minutes, then you're better off making up your own film from then - with the likelihood it'll end up better.

I do not review as often as I should, but sometimes I feel like not doing so would mean a sleepless night. This is one of those nights.

The Last Seven is arguably the most poorly constructed, ill-fated, and hopeless attempt at making a movie I have ever seen outside those who recognize the feebleness of their movie and attempt to at least derive some kind of humor out of the film. It is so difficult for me to decide where to begin, because everything is wrong.

If that does not satisfy your curiosity, then let me hit the big three as I see them.

Number 1: Character development. Throughout the entire film, I was never given any reason to care about any of the characters outside of a boo-hoo flashback for someones missed birthday. I didn't care if they lived, if they died, or if they were forced to sit through their own horrible acting. I just didn't care about anything that was happening to them in the slightest, and it destroyed what little bit of plot development there was. And when I say little, I mean LITTLE.

Number 2: Wannabe artistic filming and editing. Out of place flashbacks, requiem-for-a-dream shortcut film sequences, long, drawn out scenes flip-flopping with super short, shaky camera snapshot progressions, third grade special effects, the "hitchcock" scare (attempt) and the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on. And. On.

Number 3: Worse than a M. Night Shyamalan twist ending. Nuff said.

The only thing decent about this movie was the scenery, abandoned cities always look awesome.

Don't waste your time, and don't make me tell you I told you so.

Artistically fantastic - a wow take of the streets of London post-weirdness not so sure it continues to engage every viewer beyond the first 5 minutes watch, but don't expect a Hollywood Blockbuster

I despair for the British horror film genre. I really do.

In the space of just a few weeks I've watched this and Dead Cert, two prime examples of films that had promising premises but totally ballsed it up with inept direction and editing, lousy dialogue and rounded off with some truly pathetic acting.

I grew up in the 60's and 70's watching delights such as The Abominable Dr Phibes, Dr Terror's House of Horrors, Asylum, From Beyond The Grave, Tales From The Crypt, Frightmare, House of Whipcord, Scream and Scream Again, Theatre of Blood and many more.

These films had real actors, decent scripts, filmmakers who knew and understood the genre, not fly-by-nights trying to make a quick buck by dolling out any old rubbish.

Apart from Severance I haven't seen a decent British horror film in ages, and if today's filmmakers keep serving up crap like The Last Seven then my despair looks set to continue.

The Last Seven is amateur night crap, avoid!